i threw my head back in pleasure
his cold hands inside me felt invasive
I let out wanton sounds and moans
i thought of how ashamed i was

please, c'mon, let's do it

giggled no's and teasing pushes
panic filled me and flowed through my veins like pitch
no, i think, please god no

we get high and kiss on your couch
i think i’ve seen this film before
mouth pressed to mouth

it’s the same story
every boy i’ve fallen for
just wanted me for ****
every one i thought i loved
just wanted me temporarily

i’m falling for you
i whisper as you fall asleep
the words come out thickly
the taste bittersweet

i call you when i’m lonely or think about him
i’m wrapped in your arms and it’s 3am
but i can’t do this anymore, i can’t do it again

i don’t think i like this game, the stakes have become too high
i’m in freefall and you’re just watching with uncaring eyes
so i’ll give it a month before you make me cry

i think about the girls who come to your show
they’ll get in your car, and you’ll take them home
because you don’t really need me, not at all
i’m just your pocket *****, your friend, your living willing doll  

friends with benefits doesn’t exist
it’s friends or lovers
or someone using another

so you don’t want a relationship
but thats all i want
but i guess i’m satisfied being your placebo girlfriend, your glorified ****

you were hades
and i was persephone
and you offered me pomegranate seeds
in forms of flattery
and drugs
and promises
and, euphoria
i reveled in the hedonism that accompanied your underworld
but i was still a prisoner.

like bubble gum,
the sugar was gone
far too soon
and when the flavor left
you did too.
spit me out
tired and bored
you pursue other candy.

you would wound me
and inflict cuts so deep
i didn’t know if they’d ever heal
your words, lacerating.
but you would transfer heat through meetings of our mouths
and exchange sweat and flames
in return for skin on skin.
and you would start fires
that sparked from my fevered anger
and, lust.
but your attempt to cauterize my wounds didn’t work
because they became infected,
and i let you go.

the last time i allowed myself
to cry over you,
to hurt because of you,
was when things ended,
when the cuts were fresh
and the blood hadn’t clotted
that’s it.
you can’t rub salt in a scab.
my wounds have healed.
you didn’t leave me broken,
you left me numb
which is just as dangerous.
stop dredging up the past
digging up graves at 2 am
you and your friends,
the tomb raiders.
there’s nothing there
but scattered remains
and dust.
i hope you know,
that april 5, 1 am
was the last time i gave a ****.

You want me to wait on you?
Is that it?
You want me to wait on you to make a decision
While I cave in on myself?
While I self destruct?
How long will it take?
Eternity?
Don’t ask me to do that.
Because you know I will.
Send love my way and let me go.
Let me ride my wave of sadness until I reach its shore.
And let me forget you.

It's 2 am
And my vision is blurry
And the cars outside sound like waves.
And as I sit on the white tiled floor of my bathroom.
I can't remember
If I love you
Or if I'm lonely.

Words slide off your tongue
And across my body
Like honey.
You tell me
I taste sweet
And my voice sounds like poetry.
I arch my back
And let the heat consume me
As you drive me to madness.

Your words tasted like cough syrup.
Sickeningly sweet
Hard to swallow
Artificial
A temporary fix

my tea is bitter.
and my thoughts are destructive.
as i lay here reading mediocre poetry about love,
i can feel the distinctive prickling of tears behind my eyes.
tonight is not a good night

I don't hate you. you're as beatiful as a sunrise and your laugh drips with honey and you're everything I've ever wanted to be. but I hate you all the same. because you prance around with your pair of scissors, cutting boys hearts like paper airplanes, snipping them clean in half as they fall out of the sky. you took the boy I've loved from afar for all these years and wrapped him around your finger, tying his heart into a bow. I think it's to remind you of something you lost. I know you'll hurt him, just like you've hurt the others. and when you do, I won't be able to comfort him. he doesn't know me, he doesn't want me to help pick his heart up off the ground. and if, one day, he ever loves me the way I love him, it'll be a broken love. because he never could get over what you did to him. he will never be completely the same. and I hate you for that.