she always told me
"try This"
"try That"
she constantly
wore a blood alcohol level
that defied mathematics.
and bore eyes red
as a painter's canvas;
but a smile
she would paint onto her face
putting the final touches
to her masterpiece.

she always told me
Try This
Try That
reassuring i'll be fine regardless
if i get hooked, or not.

she was Perfectly Drifting away
unaware
i was already hooked
to the most powerful Drug of all
right
in front of me.

I remember,
my mother would often tell me
I am not alone.
I wonder is she feeding
the same lies
to my niece?
Oh mother,
please don't lie
to my baby girl,
tell her the truth,
tell her how alone she is.
Tell her,
that no one will be there for her,
that no one will save her,
unless she saves herself.
And, I know I am a disgrace to you,
but please tell her about her aunt,
the one who loved her more than she loved herself.
Tell her how much I loved her,
and teach her how to fight alone.
You ruined me,
but in the name of everything you love,
Save her.

Maybe it's just me maybe it's the memories that we never made that keeps me so close to you. Everything's familiar to me except the touch from your palms on my skin. Is it just me? Yes I'm staining my dreams with the imprints of you. Yes I know I'm disappointing because I've been stuck to this like a child who has been eating the stickiest candy for the longest time with no worries. I keep on going back to you. I want to sing to you. I want to read to you. I never want to see your ******* face ever again. I never want to ******* hear from you ever again. I want to tear down all the walls you've made me build. I want to tear myself down to the foundation of before we started. I want I want I want. I don't want to sit in the corners of your mind and rock myself back and forth crazy over you. *******. I hate you. I'm trying to tear down these walls but I ******* can't. I'm too weak. I hate myself too much it's taken everything in me. I love you still no matter what you say or however many girls you go through. I can't do this. I will think of you always even when I don't want to. I will say ******* and then under my breath I will always apologize 4 times before my next sentence. I can't do this I'm sorry. Please stop doing this to me. Please stop I'm trying so bad. I will hate my guts and these walls always I'm sorry.

The saddest part about suicide
Is that you’ve died long before
Taking your own life
And because of that
You decide to go
One step further