lost. in. oblivion.

my mind shall not wander,
as it is lost in oblivion,

my heart shall not break,
as it is lost in oblivion,

i am determined not to be a lost girl,
lost in oblivion;

although,
admittedly,
i am already,
lost;
in;
oblivion.

the darkness consumes my soul,
drowning in my own tears,
as i think,
why me?

although
i brought this upon myself,
tripping over my toes for the wrong person,
beating myself up for him,
when in fact,
i should not have been;
i was simply,
lost. in. oblivion.

you never loved me,
and you never will,
your negligence has caused me to be
lost. in. oblivion.

i shall never find my way out
of this darkness you call oblivion,
i put myself here,
and i will  stay here,
until the end of my days.

unless
my days have already ended,
lost. in. oblivion.

friends go out,
i stay in,
hear them shout,
hear me win,
here they come,
there i go,
lost in the dark place
i call home.

i may not have perfect skin,
a perfect face,
a perfect body,
or a perfect personality,

but these flaws are what make me who i am,
and if you can't accept them,
if you keep trying to change me,

do you actually love me?

a haiku consists of 3 lines,
each consisting of 5 words,
7 words,
5 words;
but how could i possibly express my feelings in a mere 17 words?

deeper than the ocean,
soar higher than cardinals,
burn hotter than hell;

oops.
i just did it.

why is it so hard for me to figure out my feelings?
what is so difficult about:
who you love;
and who you don't?

what is love?
the concept of love confuses me,
throwing me into oblivion,
preventing me from ever finding out what exactly,

love is.

love is hope;
love is pain;
but is it?

i will never know what love is,
because im too late;
too far down the rabbit hole,
drowned in my tears,

guilt weighing me down,
gravity bringing me down,
my lies killing me slowly,
my heart burning me slowly.

drink your entire life away,
the bottle full of things you dare not say;

as my mind falls into a bottomless pit of black,
i know that i will never get myself back.

gone is the way i smile,
to come is the way i'll pile,

all my deepest regrets onto you,
as my heart sinks into the deep ocean blue.