it's okay to let confusion drown you, pour over you like the wind sweeps the Great Plains clean.
it's okay to mistake up for down, and have to wear a compass rigged with alarm bells as an amulet.
it's okay to forget your name and make up a new one.
there will be days when you can't see out the window past the dust and sun-charred veneer,
and they will serve as reminders of the universe in the bathroom mirror and it's impossible reality.
it's okay to feel like mundane chaos, or a deflating balloon in the dessert sun.
it's okay to save secrets for yourself and to wear your mistakes as medals on your chest.
it's okay to doubt all that you've ever been told.
there will be days when no amount of coffee will cure the weariness compiled in your bones and you will have to set a timer for breathing.
it's okay to squeal in ecstasy and in fury and in despair.
it's okay to miss people who do not think of you and wish that they would.
it's okay to wonder if you have every truly loved anything.
there might not ever come a day when it all makes sense, and that is okay too.

I can't tell people about you.

They won't understand how my pupil dilates at the sight of you
They won't understand how my happiness resides in your face
They won't understand my silence when you choose to devour books instead of my neck
They won't understand the twenty minute ride back home with your hand in mine against my chest
They won't understand the void your arsenic-like words left me in

And I cringe inside
Because, just like people, you won't understand neither.



-LynnAA

Stop,
Stop making people feel lower than they are.
Stop,
Stop controlling people.
Stop,
Stop being disrespectful.
Stop,
Stop being the puppet master.
We are not your slaves,
We are not your puppets,
We will not be controlled or told what to do.
We are able to do what we want so let us,
If you don't like it then it's not our problem anymore.

you can’t find
between the lines
it’s one poem only
reshapes consequently
desires knowingly
breathes simultaneously
collapses memory
forgets willingly
to be delivered by love

where every question bears
the shape of its answer
or of you
and I

yes it’s one poem only

Free falling failures,
Plunging into the great unknown.
Soaring through the valley of despair,
Barren wastelands of broken dreams.

Old familiar faces seed hope,
Sewing powerful ideas.
Feeling so alive,
Lush forest left in the wake.

Far below the canopy of green,
Morning dew moistens tough lips.
The spirits enchant the air,
Singing songs humming with graceful booms.

Grounded, thoughts run free.
Places where magic over powers darkness.
Subtle vibrations swell, consuming
The wicked vines of negativity,
Once constricting loving hearts.

Sacred grove, private haven.
Blooming across the defeated ones.
Instilling a chance to cleanse,
Unbounded by the toxicity which builds
Into the honest folk who trusted a time too many.

Once upon a time,
You tossed my emotions in the shredder.
I paid you back in flesh.

Nervous,  I grasped the knife.
Pressing it against me,
Right before the puncture.
I freeze. My arm feeling the sting.
I gather myself. Deep breath.
Serated blades saw away,
Breaking skin, tearing muscle.
Then the blood drips.

We exchange wounds,
Cut for cut.
It wasn't love, just pain.

Im happiest with you.
The passion for change,
Good natured eyes melt
Resistance to intimate longings.

Of course, these words aren't spoken.
Written so that I'm free.
To explain I'm broken,
Fighting this world in a mask,
That is not my own.
You accept without knowing,
But I run away with my pieces,
Trying to put myself together,
Isolated, in my habitat of
Pushing you away, mixed signals
Hurting you like always.

Read these words, know I'm sorry.
I am an arrogant fool,
Pride prevents this fantasy
From seeping into reality.
I cannot get around you.  
Carve me into something beautiful.
Take these shattered remnants
Of my anatomy and make it
Art.

I need to be wasted.
like a coward, I hide behind
The glass. Too weak to face
The fears a long time coming.

Floating, in a state,
Of half consciousness.
Drowning out loneliness.
Grasping to hold on through
Clenched fist, you slipping
Outside my reach.

Every opportunity wasted,
Running from innocent
Intentions of simple ideas.
Just to live and breathe
My struggle in sync with
Your pain and passion.

Walls are constructed to
Keep out intimacy's ruin.
But like a prison, chain me.
To the life absent of you,
Over and over, each time
More gut wrenching than the last.
So I order another drink.