I suddenly feel like dying
Maybe it’s cause I puked up my meds
Drinking too much
Pushing my limits
Maybe I’m lonely
Actually yeah of course I am
I’m empty inside
I could break open my skin
And not even care
So... maybe I’ll just flirt with some boys...
That’ll make it better...

I fall into this place in my head
Eyes closed softly
Letting the world go black
There’s a tightness in my chest
Wrapped around a throbbing pain
My head starts to ache
My entire body crying out for touch
To just be held for a while
I’ll pretend I’m not alone
Just to cope
But I know I lie in solitude
I know there is no one to embrace me
There’s no comfort to come to me
I’m just not enough
I know that...
I really do know...
But it doesn’t mean I can survive alone
It doesn’t mean the darkness will not take me

tw self harm




Haha... I’m drowning in Neosporin
Finally my leg decides to sting
Rhythmic pain
From the line after line after line after line after line after line after line after line after line after line after line after line after line after line and line and line and line line line line line line line line line line line line....    .       .           .             .
That I drew in
Desperate for feeling
An awakening of my heart
Instead... with each line the realization set in
I’m too far gone
Too disconnected to feel anything
I practically laughed at the wounds...
Wondering what purpose they might possibly serve
When nothing within even feels alive
What began as a resuscitation attempt
Turned swiftly into an autopsy

And ****... I don’t even care that I’m out of gauze
I’ve done this before
It’ll heal eventually
Not like it matters anyway....

I’m afraid of myself tonight
Of the thoughts within my skull
I’m afraid to be left alone with myself
With nothing to drown it out

I forget, I suppose
That depression is triggered too
And in myself
Nothing does it as well
As being alone

Emptiness is encapsulating
I don’t want your drugs
I don’t want your help
I want to get worse and worse and worse...
Just a bit lower now
You can do it
A little longer and you’ll do something
You’ll become dangerous
Bleeding for fun
Just to feel something
To wake me from this hellscape

There’s nothing in life
A career is futile
Money is fictitious
My family wants to use me
My friends aren’t there for me
Dogs will age and fade too fast
I’ll always have to be sober again
My faith is nearly lost
(you can’t hear God’s voice when you want to die and your entire being is numb and cold)
There’s nothing to save me now
But the hope that a little more drugs
Will offer enough serotonin
To get through another ******* day

Intoxicate me
No, not with kind words and affections
I know I’m not allowed such comforts

Just fill me with poisons
Drink until I can’t feel anymore
Until all that’s left
Are giggles and a few slow words
Until my body is so thoroughly flushed with it
Vision, arms, legs, lips
They all begin to fail
Full of a dimmed sensation of bliss
A warm, peaceful fog
Happy and a bit mad
Dazed and compromised
But no concerns to speak of