02.44
I haven't been sleeping much lately
I used to be the queen of sleeping
But someone took over the throne
Now I'm left praying
To the gods
To the Kings
To the queens
Let me sleep
So that when I do
I can pretend to be dead
Because that is my salvation

04.35 am
Bon Iver  is playing quietly
For Emma  is set on repeat
I'm hiding under the covers
Music is my sleeping pill
Tonight my mouth refuse to swallow it
So awake I lay
With the drapes drawn
Hoping to finally get some rest
Bon Iver is playing:
'For all you're lies,
You're still very loveable.'
While I pretend that
For Emma is my song
04.53 am

From time to time
You forget the world around you
All you feel is nothing
your mind is empty
Your heart is calm
Nothing matters
You feel hypnotised
The river you just created
That lets the red anxiety flow
That leaves you with a feeling
Of numbness
The river is getting deeper
You are getting calmer
You do it over and over
Even though you know
It will be even worse very very soon
You still have now
You still have this
For once you feel ok
And you wonder
Maybe it's ok
To create your own waterfall

The lines on my body
Creating a pattern that is my own
The lines on my body
That runs from my shoulders to my toes
The lines on my body
That I hate with all of my heart
But still will miss when they go away
The lines on my body
Created late at night when no one is awake but me and the stars
The lines on my body
Are slowly suffocating me

I dream of oceans
The cold and blue yet so welcoming
I dream of being alone
Being anonymous in a new city
In a new world
I dream of leaving
Maybe closer to the coral reefs
Maybe further from you
I dream of happiness
The pure satisfaction of hearing waves crash onto the shore
I dream of you
How you haunt me and I can't escape
I dream of oceans
How they could make me disappear so easily

There is always a shadow of sadness behind your back
It follows you where ever you go
Never lets you walk alone
My soul craves the darkness within you
It Cuts me open
Your darkness allow me to feel alive
My soul welcomes all of your demons
Your demons crawl to find the darkest corners of my body
My soul welcomes you to destroy me

They haunt me when I'm asleep
They don't leave me alone when I'm awake
Tonight I will be stronger than the demons
They wait for me to fall into their land
Where they make me Believe anything they say
Sleep is overrated
Nightmares are underrated
Just a couple of hours until the battle is won
I will not let you take over tonight
Tonight the demons will have to dance alone
I will see the moon until it stops shining
And I will hear them Calling my name
Asking me to dance the dance of Death
Tonight my  demons will have to dance alone