when someone tells you that they want you,
you don't really feel anything
but when someone tells you that they don't want you anymore
you feel every ounce of it

you re read it over and over again
trying to figure out what you did or said wrong in the past 24 hours
you analyze all your moves from the start of the relationship
and when you find out that you didn't **** up
you just don't understand why
you don't understand what went wrong
that "don't" and "anymore" in that sentence weigh down on your heart
you can't stop thinking about it
you think,
"hey I'm okay, not worth my time anyway to be stressing over someone who is not stressing over me"
but that only helps for 5 minutes
and then you're back at it
trying to figure out what went wrong
and it's just a cycle
every **** hour
you're not okay
but oh you want to be
you want to be

Even in the
midsts
of all my
despair,

saying your
name
feels like
a breath
of
fresh-air.

I must've
    been the
one
  that caught
you
   while you were
falling from heaven
   because it feels
like there's a
******* crater
   inside of my
         chest.

You have not grown gills.
You have just grown used
to the feeling of drowning.

You are the dead air after the joke my friends don't get.
I hear your laugh in the spaces between my family's oblivion and my sanity,
the crevices of pointless conversations.
You are an envelope with no return address.
You are the first person I want to tell about my day.
When my dad asks me how school was, I can only think of how you knew never to ask me that.
They say the nights are hard when no ones in your bed,
but what about when you spend your day in bed because you can't bear another day of activities that don't involve them?
I don't miss you only at 2 am.
I feel the sting of you in the night but you burn me in the afternoons with even greater intensity.
I prefer to be alone because then I only see your smile embedded in my walls rather than the lack of it on everyone else's face.
You are the silence after Wonderwall ends,
you are the lack of " I want to write something like that one day".
I am reminded of you when the girl next to me at a Fall Out Boy concert is sitting on her phone. I know you would scream every lyric with me.
I think that's what hurts, the knowing, especially of the things you aren't here for.
When I cry to "I'm like a lawyer" it's because I will never hear your voice sing it again.
So no, I do not miss you at 2am.
I miss you at 2 pm when I realize that everything I am doing now will never again be done with you