my heart didn’t know any emotions except
how to feel sad…
sorry for myself.
I’d look in a mirror and instantly regret
ever getting out of bed.
My own worst enemy was the brain
inside my skull.
And eight times a day,
I’d talk myself out of performing the acts
that my head told me to do.
I didn’t want to live,
and I have no shame in admitting that.
I’d sit and try to rack my brain
of the numerous possibilities that someone
would actually care
if I went missing.
I’d count the scars on my skin that
overstayed their welcome,
pick out everything wrong with myself,
every single flaw that I came across.
I used to play with fire.
I’d steal my moms old lighter,
and ignite a flame…
over and over again,
until the idea of the
flame accidentally meeting my thumb,
didn’t scare me anymore.
Until I felt invincible.
came along, everything changed.
Since the day you came back into my life,
my heart knows every emotion possible,
annoyance seems to be its favorite.
Or sometimes it chooses not to feel at all.
Getting out of bed isn’t at hard as it used to be,
if anything it’s harder,
especially after we’ve had a bad night
and by we, I mean you because
you decided to go and ditch me once again,
left me sitting around and waiting
for my knight in shining armour to arrive,
he never did,
and he never does.
The sight of you makes me want to
crawl inside my skin
and wait out the storm,
I know is about to hit.
The funny thing is,
even though I’m expecting it and I know
every single ******* time it’s going to come,
you still ******* hurt me.
Over and over again,
and I don’t seem to learn but maybe it’s not even worth it.
Since that day,
feeling invincible in front of the flames,
I’ve never had someone make me feel so vulnerable,
before I met you.