“As for Charles – he likes girls. If he’s drunk, I’ll do. But – just when I’ve managed to harden my heart, he’ll turn around and be so sweet. “
“You like him a lot, don’t you?”

The night crumbles to dust as I trace
every single crease, every nook, every edge of you.
I drink you in, you drink cheap wine:
you only kiss me with alcohol in your blood,
you cannot stomach me without
the drugs.
A pile of cigarette ash on the floor,
broken glass. Shattered ice cubes and
cigarette butts.
It’s a scene of decay; you and I
could only survive if you whispered
sweet nothings and I let you gut
me. You lead me on and I always
slip, and touch you and believe
this time will be the time you stay,
this time will be the time you remember last night
morning come,
this time will be the time
I
am
the
one.
It rains the first time and there’s a bottle
of scotch; we play cards; you’re drunk:
I strip you off; tonight you smile; tonight
you will not mind if I touch
your jaw
your lips
your waist
and below
and your heart
no – never your heart.
Then it’s a matter of time.
You always come when you need me and I
can never refuse to be the one
who lets your tongue
explore my mouth
if only drunk
if only for a while
if only for the night.
I’m there. I will do. For now.
I kiss
your lips
your throat
your neck
your collarbones
and down – way down – below
and your heart
no – never your hear.
You twist me round your little finger and I
would die and die and **** and die
a thousand times
to have you look at me and say
I’ll stay tonight*.
My Charles.
No – never mine.

did you truly love me or getting in my pants?

It terrifies me that we only get a limited amount of time with people. And that some people get more time than others who should have. I’m forever envious of those who’ve gotten more time with you than I have. That I may never get to be with you as long as they have. That our time is running out. And I miss you already. And I never want to say goodbye. At first it was slow, late nights in your car and afternoons in my bedroom. But now it feels like it’s happening all at once, like you’re doing a snow angel on my heart and it keeps getting bigger and bigger. Kissing on the sidewalk, holding hands in your coat pocket because I forgot to bring gloves. Wandering around museums and having hard conversations on your couch that make me love you even more; even when the air becomes glass, I can’t stop thinking about how lucky I feel to know you. That there’s no one else like you. My heart aches in your arms and aches when we’re apart. And I just want to be as close to you as possible, for as long as possible, because you are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, and I love who I am when I’m with you.

That laugh is a symphony to one's ears
Those eyes glow with intensity and wonderment
Those lips, soft to the touch, so sweet to the taste
Those hands reaching, caressing my face
But it's that smile i won't forget
That smile could melt a thousand hearts, win wars, take away tiredness and pain
That smile is locked away in a museum of my mind, forever hung up and frequently visited
That smile will never leave me

You asked me to write about you - something happy for a change,
About our shared miracle , but this request is strange.

You want me to smile, while I keep writing about sorrow,
You wanted jovial memories, not the love he used to ruthlessly borrow.

I cannot spin us into poetry, it is a feat too tough,
You anticipate soft verses, while my words are a bit too rough.

I even refuse to write about all the unforgettable scars I gave,
How I left them to burn - souls in no way you can save.
So instead of your love, I wish to lie about how they broke my heart,
Call me vindictive but it is the only way I fabricate art.

My hands tingle,
looking at your ***** brown mop of hair,
fresh from the shower and as fluffy as can be,
wanting to brush my fingers through the softness.

We lie on separate beds,
watching the white puffs of smoke,
like miniature clouds,
making the dark sky pure.

I watch your enchanted face,
eyes hovering over every detail your emotions sculpt,
watching how the city skyline illuminates your eyes,
pure love sits in them.

I want to let them rain,
Release my eyes from the pain,
Pretend we were never on the same bed once,
As we had kissed under the setting sun,
while the puffs of white rolled gently along.

You belonged in my arms,
Arms that don't feel your warmth any longer,
That are cold as they lay by my side.