That fairy tale...
The mythical creature....
What we are....
Two unicorns in fairytale land.....
We love what will never be...
We have what isn't real...
I'll never wake up to you .....

God ... how I love unicorns

E.J.M.

We are imperfection personified....
A meeting of catastrophic events...
A whirlwind of moments....
A cyclonic tidal wave...
Never to be
A once in a moment glance..
Yet we both took a chance...
You took my hand and said jump...
The longest crash I've ever had...
As I stand here before you exposed to my core
I continue to fall
how can someone who'll never be mine hold my soul in his hands?
the unasked questions go unanswered. ..
another day..another breathless moment
We are an explosion. ..
Your eyes catch mine and see me as I am
I continue to smolder....

E.J.M.

Airplanes  overhead....
The noise is deafening. ..
What an enormous roar...
So close over my head....
I watch in fascinated awe....
What beautiful scenery...
So **** loud...

E.J.M.

There are so many things on this bucket list of yours and mine...
I want to do them all with you..
We do these crazy things to be together. ..
Go to Ridiculous lengths...
just to see you for 10 minutes. ..
and then we're gone again...
but you always make it better.
make my day perfection...
just that smile..
so we check off these bucket list items each time I see you...
standing in the woods with you is my favorite place...
I want to do everything with you...

E.J.M.

Not knowing is the hardest part...
The hardest part of us...
Not knowing if we'll ever speak again. ..
Not knowing if we are over. ..
Not knowing how you are. ..
How you feel...
Just empty space now...

E.J.M.

Glinting amber topaz...
Ebony orbs...
black satin lashes....
against sepia skin...

you look into me...

I've never seen such undescribable color...
The rawness mirrors your intensity....
So dangerously intoxicating...
treacherously forbidden....

I drown in you....

Our gaze locks...
I'm done in moments...
Drawn to the darkest parts ....
of you against me...

The henna sparkle...
Topaz shimmer....
Promising me destruction....
Feelings that I've never known....

Only to come back again...

E.J.M.

I don't need to see you everyday to love you...
I love you more than that .
I don't need to speak to you daily...
I can love you the way we are...
This isn't enough...
But it is
I love you deeply...
Deeper than the selfish need of having you here..
Love this giving is more than you and I

E.J.M.

The bluest sky...
The greenest trees..
The silver glint on your ears catches fire in the burning sun..
Your topaz eyes shimmery as they meet mine.
The blackest coal of your hair ruffled by the wind..
All I see is you..
The Sienna skin...
You are in technicolor in front of me..
I just want to touch you forever....
Like this..
In radiant color

E.J.M.

My best intentions all laying at your feet... What I mean to say.. And what actually comes out are different things... My words get caught on my best intentions...I see us as we are... Yet love what we are meant to be... Yet we aren't...another day goes by and we are only our best intentions...those words we say and so much more... This is who we are... I'll take your best intentions...

E.J.M.

The things you do in life are insignificant. ...
Do them anyway....

E.J.M.

And we connect...
And we separate...
You come come back and I dissipate
Loving you is this ache...
This pretty little box with no hinges
I can't open it and I can't separate
This connection is killing me

E.J.M.

The golden orb of sunrise as it breaks the horizon....
The new fragile sprouts on my plumeria...
The fuzzy baby peaches growing. ..
The sweltering heat of the day...

I think of you.....

As I shower with water beading off of me...
As I pass places we once were...
Another song on the radio. ..
As I make plans for the day...

I think of you....

The sunlight in my grey eyes...
The wind in my hair....
The untaken path...
The rustle of leaves....

I think of you....

The purpling sky...
The fiery setting sun....
The blackest nights....
Under a smattering of a million sparkling stars...

I think of you....

I share these with you in unspoken thoughts....
I ache for you in everything that I do...
The simplest of joys...
Unable to be....

I think of you.....

E.J.M.

I'm wet and cold...
Watching rain fall down around me...
Hanging on to moments that are no longer here...
Thinking back to how we met, words you said, feelings burning....
This close separation gets me here...
Passing our places and thinking of you. ..the contemplation of butterflies ...
That glimmer in your eyes...
I don't get the whys and how's of us....
I don't understand the closeness of us. ..
The separation of us...
There isn't any us...
I'm in the Pouring rain. ..
Surrounded by the blackest sky...
With your heart on my mind....

E.J.M.

Skin to skin...
Heart to beating heart...
3 o'clock shadow scraping my jaw...
Swollen lips trail up my neck..
Teeth against skin..
The urgency of it all.
And the eyes never waiver...
I drown in them
It's a free fall I've come to love...
It's the semi violence
The uncontained ferventcy...
There's a roughness you barely contain.
Like I save you... We drown together gasping for air...
Our every breath ...each other....

E.J.M

Is it wrong to want you still?
After everything....
and I cave with the slightest touch of your hand....
I've made no conscious decision to touch you again.
But I know in my heart that I would....
Regarding you, I have no conscience...no remorse...no judgment...
no thought of repurcussion...
What is it about Us that does this to me every time?????

E.J.M

In the Pouring rain...
As the wind blows...
Lightning flashes in the darkest indigo sky...
These are the moments I'm consumed by you....

In the sunny heat of the day...
Floating in a cerulean pool...
Sipping a Pina colada...
These are the moments that I miss you...

In the dark of the night...
With the window open...
As I curl up in my cornflower sheets...
These are the moments that you cross my mind...

In the rising dawn...
At 3 am ...
The silent waking hours...
These are the moments when I wonder where you are...

In a crowded room...
Full of laughter with people I love...
Enjoying life...
These are the moments that I wish you were here....

I think of you in all the moments of my life....

E.J.M.

A fortunate happenstance.....

crying, screaming, driving....
paying no mind to anyone...
and suddenly I see your smile..
I could only stare..
I rolled my window down to hear you...
You asked me to pull over & talk...
From that moment on..
I've followed you everywhere...
I gave you my card & you promised to call...
Not a day that goes by
since our chance meeting have I stopped thinking of you.
You are my serendipity...
You came in my life at the worst moment...
You came shining in & stealing my heart...
months passed & we soaked up eachother...
learning every detail of our lives..
colors and coffee & eggs..
Steaks, showers &  tattoos....
Mexican & heat & woods...
then there was nothing...
just absence of space..
A void that you left in the hole in my chest...


And when you are gone...
I miss you so much...
Until I look up and see you driving next to me again...

E.J.M.

Be careful with me...
I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way.
I remember every word you say to me...
I absorb your words and that look in your eyes when you look at me.
One look at your face and I'm gone....
all drowned in the meaning of you,
of what you say with your eyes.
The way my heart pounds
and my world spins out of control when you are near.
I had thought that the anger and hurt of you..
would lessen that feeling of utter absoluteness.
I trust you instinctively, completely
I fear getting lost in you again.....
I fear losing you again despite that you are not mine to lose.....
I still carry your heart in my heart...
I still embrace it everyday...
If I never see you or hear from you again
I will still love you forever....

E.J.M

I could stand in your arms for always...
To be held by you..
Just standing wrapped in you..
Enveloped in your arms...
All my tension fades...
All of me just melts In to you...
My face pressed into your neck...
Hold me like this forever. ..
No one ever has

E.J.M.

On days like this...
I can almost pretend that you are mine...
I can almost forget that she exists...

E.J.M.

In this world...
Filled with millions of people..
Vast mountains..
Oceans and deserts...
Of all the places and people. .
I can't help but think we were meant to find each other....
In this chaotic disarray. .
You Found me..
You stared at me from across the street and my whole world changed...
How fascinating to have found me repeatedly. ..
Of everyone I pass every day. ...
utter strangers....
Yet there you are time and again
Parts of you meant for my heart....
we were meant from the start...

E.J.M.

I Was Able To Call you.
Another 1st in our world.
As you lay in bed half asleep In a hotel room far away...
Your sleepy voice answering my call..
So nice to hear you as I drive home from work...
Every moment with you is beautiful...
Wishing I was with you as you fall asleep...
Wanting to be there when you wake up...
I'll never have these moments. ..
But I love thinking of you and the possibility. ..
I love calling you and the breathlessness I feel, waiting for you to answer.
I ponder our moments. ..
I love you and I...
Or my perception of us.
Reality would be different I know...
But for us, this is reality...
This is our relationship.
Moments grasped. ..
Seeing you on your way home...
Just spare moments...
I love you in our reality...
I love that we both try so hard, but not enough. ..

E.J.M.

I made a decision....
Not a good one. .. but mine to make. .
I fell in love with an addict. .
Someone that could never love me enough because there will always be ******...
I can make you smile. .
Hold you close. .
Kiss your face. ..
But I'll never get you out of this place. ..
All these plans we made. ..
Manatee kisses, arm licks,  t virus swapping. ...
Was it you?
Was it ever you? Those happy moments together?
How can you live in the dark?  
Shooting up In a bathroom?  Alone...
I wanted to save you. ..
You didn't tell me....
I didn't know it would hurt this way. ...
To save someone that would rather have a needle in their vein...
I never could give you that euphoricness..
I loved loving you....
Those good moments catch me up...
You said I saved you.... I never did
You've chosen that high over and over again. ..

E.J.M.

as I Drive into the rain I ponder you... You lied to her everyday... You still do... How can I believe you? She lives with you and doesn't know your secrets... How can I believe that I do? So much that you say is a lie. we are a lie... We live a lie  everyday....we are so twisted up I don't even know what to say...

E.J.M.

Darkest purple dawning...
Brilliant stars beginning to fade...
That quiet before daybreak. ..
The birds beginning to wake...

I sit and think of you...
I think of us...
I wonder how you are?

In the quietest time of the day...
My head is the loudest...
When no one is around and silence surrounds me....
My head fills with thoughts of you...

That beautiful indigo glow on the horizon. ..
I wish you were here.... I always wish you were here.....
in the silence. ...

E.J.M.

One name across the screen...
The melody I chose...
no one is going to love you like I do....
And the butterflies alight. .
That gut reaction happens every time you call
An utter stomach epiphany occurs...
I get giddy and full of butterflies...
They lay dormant inside me until I hear your voice. ..
It's like an eruption of spring. ..
Like a million yellow flowers cascading from the golden Tabebuia  tree....
And I can't stop...
Loving you

E.J.M.

This love affair was never to be...
I can't love you...
I can't allow these tears to fall...
Because he would know I cry for you....
For us and what will never be...
We live as strangers... pretending not to know eachother..
I see you and her together and wonder if she knows I'm still around...
I'm unblocked and I wonder what you or her needed to see...
were you stalking me again?
You appear as someone I might know...
I'm not sure that I do anymore...


E.J.M.

We started talking and down I fell..
Into the rabbit hole.
We visited a far away place and oh what fun we made..
I fell in love with your intensity..
Your soul, your heart, your impetuous laugh..
I knew then that you were my mad hatter and I was your Alice.
So it began. This whirlwind romance
I felt amazing,  loved, cherished and blessed. I made you feel the same..
We made plans..
Then the world got in the way..
The real showed through
And the cracks started to show.
I tried to follow you here and it wasn't the same..
The bliss got lost along the way..
The March Hare came and swept us away with time..
Your beautiful madness got dirtier here.. I watched you change..
Something hard to swallow, even harder to follow..
The pain eventually swallowed you whole..
I'm standing here now in absolute sorrow.
I want to go back down the rabbit hole..
And I can't find the way..
How do I find you?

E.J.M.

What a perfect mouth on that perfect face...
Flawless pressed against my skin. ..
My version of heaven....
Adoring parts of me...
A simple mouth that shatters me to pieces...
I fall at your feet...
That smile that lights my world on fire.
God gave you such a perfect mouth....
Such perfect words you speak..
They make my heart smile.
the roughness upon those lips...
the fervent kisses lighting across the small of my neck...
you know every inch of me...
I miss you even before you're gone...
You devour me absolutely. ..
Does she feel the same?

E.J.M.

I'm not your plaything. ..
To be put on a shelf...
For a rainy day.
I breathe and I hurt...
I Miss and I long for you...
And you show up. .. when I'm almost gone. ..
I don't want to play anymore. ....
Because I keep crying and you keep leaving.....

E.J.M.

So I Tried To help...To support...Whatever Way you chose
And now I'm crying because I never meant that much to you.
Fear of the fearless...
The beauty in you ,scared me...
I wanted to touch it..taste it..understand it... be a part of it for awhile..
That's what I got..
My fear was well founded..
Fear of the fearless...
That heartbreaking beauty and strength....
It scarred me...
Here I am... Loving you alone...
Here I am breaking....
Giving you up like you asked...
I am fearless as well...
Do not want me back once I'm gone..

E.J.M.

You're imprinted on me...
Heartbeat slamming into mine...
Beads of sweat fall on my cheeks...
I get so lost in your eyes...
I love you like this...
You staring at my eyes...
never breaking contact....
Your breath against my neck...
Your hands holding me...
I could just touch your skin for hours...
tracing little hearts across with my fingers...
I always shatter ....
flying into a million pieces that you collect...
and put back together. ..
I'm safest with you...
in your arms...
I'd follow you anywhere. ..
Trust given completely...
I just stare into those topaz eyes and hope to catch my breath....

E.J.M.

you remind me of summer... Of the heat against my skin... Stifling hotness... The overwhelming sense of losing my breath... When I'm with you I can't breathe... I don't think about what we do... When you're gone there  are so many questions...I want to call but I can't... So many rules... Why can't we just be? Be who we are? and its summer and I think of you... And I miss you in the heat of the summer... its raining and I want to lay in bed all day with you but I never will...instead just snippets of you... And as I looked out over the woods I wait for you to arrive... To tell you all about my day and my week and maybe my month, depending on the frequency....heat lightning streaks across the sky but you won't see it...

E.J.M.

You are the glue that holds me together...
The glue that I need when you say forever...
You hold me in your arms and make the world melt away...
Today we made plans for another day...
It's those plans and ideas that keep bad at bay...
I kiss your neck and imagine a time...
A time far away that we'll never be...
You're the glue that I need...

E.J.M.

I want to trace the curve of your lips...
with my own..
explore your rounded earlobes with my teeth..
the metallic of your earrings in my mouth..
and feel you exhale against my jaw...
The salt on the skin of your neck after work...
I taste you and you overwhelm me...
I want to run my fingers over your rib cage and feel you shudder...
the color of your tanned skin against mine..
the tattooed covered arms that embrace me and save my soul...
I cant stop touching you..
I want so much...
I want to trace your body with my fingertips forever...
to fall into the depths of you and drown...
you are perfection...
My skin tingles and my legs go weak..
I will do this again & again..

we break every rule....

E.J.M

It was wrong to touch you...
It was wrong to love you...
It was wrong to miss you...
Wrong to call you..
Wrong to tell you that I'll never love another...
Wrong to make you mine....
Wrong to see you...
Wrong to want you...
Wrong to ache to be with you. ..
Yet I can't stop...
But I have....
And I still want all of these wrong things. ..
I still feel all these wrong things about you...
How could we ever be right?
Encompassed in all the wrong things?
Let me know when it gets right for us....
I'm overwhelmed with the wrong....
and then I hear your voice....

E.J.M.

How do we continue this separated love affair?
the days go by...
week by week...
Month by month...
its been almost two years since we met on the side of the road...

We used to talk all the time incessantly....
Now we don't talk at all...
I cannot reach you...
If something happened to you... I would never know
I find it interesting the way that we are...
The way we exist..
The way we still love...

How can we be so separate yet come together so flawlessly?
How do you make me feel so beautiful?
the sound of your name makes my legs weak...

E.J.M.

is this make believe?I wonder if I went away would you still believe in us? if I stay... It's like living a fantasy in a world of make believe... It doesn't feel make believe when I'm in your arms... Your real to the touch... When you're gone I ache...once you leave its like I imagined you here... Is this real? I almost want to put you with unicorns and Loch Ness monsters....You're gone and no 1 believes you were here. Period.i even wonder myself...

E.J.M.

The smile lights my world...
You across the parking lot..
Whistling at me.
Me blushing.
Our playful bantering...
It's gone..
You are stunning, fierce, loving,  gorgeous and beautiful.
I could watch you work for days...
That smiles gone...
That smile that was just for me...
Where did it fade to?
You're still stunning but cold...
I'm here frozen with the heartbreak of it...

I just want your smile back...

E.J.M.

We must be crazy....
Contorted up in these small spaces...
Such horrible confines...
No place for our faces..  
It's too hot and I can't move..
I think your sitting on my dress...
I really am impressed....
The spaces we fit....
Just you and I ...
Contorted all up just to kiss you...
You're dripping sweat on me and I can't move...
Can't feel my legs...
I just hit my head...
Sorry for biting your lip...
I want to to contort with you again in 105 degree weather..

E.J.M.

I do this because it is the only thing I do for me....
My most selfish moments are spent with you....

E.J.M

I am not a victim....
I never have been...
How did I get here?
This unsafe place with you calling the shots?
I will not stay...
I will not be your victim...
I feel like Alice ... suddenly so small...
You tried to put me here...
I'll take the other pill...
Need to be larger than life to escape this shrinking room....
I will not be your victim. ..
No one can be victimless eventually...

E.J.M

I get these butterflies when I see you..
That first moment when your eyes catch mine...
And I'm gone...
Putty in your hands..
That mouth against mine..
Stealing my breath. ..
Your teeth on my ear...
Making me gasp for air...
I'm overwhelmed by you...
The tenderness yet urgency of us...
I love you... as I scream your name
I ****** against you...
I can't breathe...
I've lost all feeling in my legs...
My skin like diamonds ...
All shimmery and bright...
That liquid feeling of euphoria..
Angel kisses on your stomach. .....
Brushing your hair out of your eyes...
all I taste is you...
I could do this forever...

E.J.M.

hurt....
I'm still hurt, tho I hide it well...
I miss how we used to be...
The good morning beautifuls...
the 3 am wake up texts...
The constant connection...
You blamed me in this...
You put the failure of us, on me....
The weight of that blame when I know its a lie to save face...still hurts
You never loved me enough...
You knew that you'd never stay...
In the end.. I took that blame
Knowing it for what it is...
You knew I'd adore you anyway so you took that chance...
I still hurt when I think of those words...
They echo often in my head..
I can look at you and smile... the hurt won't show
I can love you and take that pain of knowing where we stand..
I was never enough for you...
But I am so much more
I smile and kiss your mouth despite this...
I just wanted you to know that it hurts...
That you burned me well this time around..
in your goal to be adored....

E.J.M.

Your topaz eyes stare into my shimmery blue...
I catch my breath, waiting for your words...
We met our match..
Me breathless, you sincere
We never end...
Like a smoldering flame
You always come back...I always remain
We burn with an intensity. ..
We burn everything around us..
I give, you take...
In the end we are back again. ...
Your eyes burn into mine...
The memory etches fire in my heart..
Till I see you again

E.J.M.

I'm fascinated by the softness of you..
The fragility you posses. ..
The shyness makes me braver..
As I arch my hips against your face. ..
I want more. ..
I unclasp my bra... pressing further against you...
I need more...
More soft kisses...
I gave in to temptation. ..
Now I'm addicted to your face....
This will be worse for me. ...
far Worse....
But I forget that when I'm looking down at your eyes..  
As I watch you grow gills....

E.J.M.

We are complete strangers living separate lives...
I don't know what you did this weekend...
what you ate for breakfast this morning..
If you feel sad..
I know so very little about your life...
I don't know if you slept poorly last night..
had a bad day...
I don't know any day to day details anymore about who you are.

I still know who you are inside tho...
I know what makes you tick..
makes you happy..
I know your need to be adored..
I know your heart and how it sounds inside your chest...
The rise and fall of your breath..
I know your eyes when they catch mine ...
how they look when you say I love you...
How your smile melts my heart...
I don't think we can really be strangers ever again...

E.J.M.

I love you not because of words...
I love you not because of your perfection...
I love the pieces that I see inside you that complete me.
I'm scared, I'm broken...
I have no reason to trust you...
Somehow I still love you...
I want these parts of you that we have together.
If we can take the broken pieces of you away... if you can undo what ****** has done...
Am I being hopeful?
Overly everything is perfect, with a unicorn and rainbow?
Is it really you that I love?
I saw something in you that I can't give up on...
We are a mess.. I'm pressing charges against you and we talk of it as if it's nothing...
You aren't mad and accept what you've done. .. now that you're sober...
Can you stay sober?
That's what scares me....
I love you when you're sober...

E.J.M.

I think often what if?
In regards to you...
If I'd met you sooner...
If they didn't exist...
If I'd never stopped. .
If you'd never chased. ..
If I loved you less...
If you loved me more..
If I lived closer....
If I didn't gasp at the scrape of your teeth on my ear..
Would we still be?
Would we be more?
To love you this deep... the way that we are...
I can't imagine us any other way...
I can't imagine my life if you stay....
The what ifs don't matter when I touch your skin...
When you whisper my name I'm drawn in again

E.J.M.

I haven't seen you in a while...
When I do... I should just tell you to leave...
I know where we lead...
Yet we'll just do this time and again....
The good never gets old...
When I'm with you , I can't tell you to go..
This is all that I want...
Just to be with you here in our moments...
it only hurts when you go..
Like that sting of a band aid on my skin. ..
just once and it's done...
To tell you to leave would be more like a slow constant seeping of my heart fading out...
A bottomless ache in my soul. ..

So I'll just do this time and again with you. ..the sting is better than the ache...

E.J.M.