Can't you hear my heart beats?,or can't you feel it raise?
i'm here on the sidewalk trying to think of a place..
not connecting,not at all, trying to think of what made us fall.
fear is what's holding us back,but yet i wonder isn't it what is supposed to make us last?
let me in & hold me then,make me feel what you've been holding ever since, the heart wants one thing & the mind wants another.
why not go with what gives us the most pleasure ?

look,
she will never tell you her deepest secrets or kiss you quite long enough to feel whole. and some nights she will sneak out of bed and yell when you follow her, because there are nights when she needs to breathe and there have been too many fires too close to her throat lately.
let her go. tell her you know about thunderstorms, about storms so rough you seem to topple over at the thought of them—tell her, you too, have felt the earth shake beneath the soles of your feet a few times too many to stay still.
you don’t have to kiss her scars. you just have to kiss her.
boy, on good days, take her by her bruised hands and lead her to a place where you have always found sanctuary. kiss her then. she will trace your bones with her tongue and lay her hand on your chest to check if you’re hollow. kiss her then. sometimes she will smoke to fill herself with something else than pain. kiss her then.
look: when she trembles so loud you can hear her empty bones rattle, place one hand in her hair and one on her hip and kiss her. kiss her until she stills. being an avalanche like her is exhausting, but sometimes she just won’t know how to stop it.
when she falls asleep on the couch again, know that she is not avoiding you. she’s avoiding the emptiness of having you so close she doesn’t know if she’s allowed to touch yet. she doesn’t know if she earned it yet. and when you see her do her workout routine twice, it’s because the couch is giving her trouble sleeping—even more than the bed did. she hopes she will be too tired to care this way.
take her by the hand again. take her to bed. place her head on your chest. show her it’s alright to touch.
when she tells you she’s been counting the cracks in the ceiling because her head is filled with ideas of death and despair, repaint it. tell her this is a new colour for new thoughts and new beginnings. cover her eyes. kiss her eyelids. tell her they don’t always filter light but they don’t have to. tell her it’s alright to be an avalanche. tell her it’s alright to be an avalanche.
but remember this: when you are ready to fall to your knees, she will be there. when you feel the earth tremble beneath your feet, she will be there. and when your hands shake so much you don’t think you can hold her anymore, she will be there.
there is so much more to her than just something to hold. she’s not just this anger, she’s not just this closeness in her veins that makes you forget the way home, she is so much more than just gritting teeth and letting it go.
when you are ready to fall, she will always be there to catch you. remember: she knows the ripple of hurt that tears through your body so violently—she knows how it feels. she has felt it herself. when you tremble, she will make you still. when you tremble, she will make you still.
this is not just about her. this is about you, too. about the cracks in your ceiling. about your avalanche. realise that she understands. when you lay your head on her chest to check if she is hollow, realise she knows exactly what you’re doing. when you ask her to pass the cigarette, realise that she too, knows how it feels to fill yourself with something besides pain.
oh sweetheart, when the vastness of her love makes you agoraphobic, she will take you to the place she loves most and kiss you. she will kiss you breathless. don’t you know it’s in her blood to take care of you?

What oozes out
                             (between the lines)
the scent of shaving,
your lean leg,
those dancing eyes,
waffles.

What can't escape
                                (the boldface type)
the door that slams,
your heavy feet,
dark eyes demanding
waffles.

What remains
                          (the words that blur)
a broken dish
your cracking wit,
my steady hand, now
waffles.

One day in Spring I'll be able to see you
Feel the wind blow through my hair
Feel the fresh flowers under my hand
Feel the love I have been missing for so long

One day in Autumn I'll be able to hold you
Feel the leaves fall on my head
Feel the cool breeze tickle my fingers
Feel the warmth of someone special in my arms

One day in Winter I'll be able to be with you
Feel the coldness of the air hit my cheeks
Feel the numbing sensation of snow in my palms
Feel the heat of lust and love together as one

One day in Summer I'll have to say goodbye
Feel the tears slide down my face
Feel the tension in my balled fists
Feel the pain of distance and farewell

One day
If I only had one more day...
I wouldn't feel my heart breaking
I wouldn't feel my heart bleeding
I wouldn't feel my life crumble away

He’s always been afraid.
She was always petrified.
They both always craved control,
They were similar in that way,
We all are.

You know,
Something I‘ve been meaning to tell you is that
The devil isn’t red and he doesn't have horns.
He’s got brown eyes and a charming smile.
He won’t lead you to do evil things,
And he won’t make your life hell.
No,
He will make you do that yourself.
His role?
He’s there to comfort you,
Bring you in,
Hold you close,
He will tell you that he can save you,
Only him.
“Without him, you’re nothing.”
You’re worthless, he’s made you believe it.
“You’re lucky to have him.”
He’s a parasite.
He will say anything to make you stay.
He’s afraid.

And another thing,
She isn’t all scars and sad poems.
There are stars hidden in her lungs
That she whispers into sweet poetry
Hoping that one line, just one, will be enough.
She won’t write you into stanzas,
She won’t be your muse.
No,
You’ve been poetry this whole time.
Her role?
She’s there to make art,
To feel every emotion
Deeper than the bottles she drinks to make them go away.
She will write,
She will turn him into midnight poems
And cries to be set free
From all of this.
“Darling, the moon doesn't shine for you.”
She understands this and he won't accept it.
“You’re the only poem I know how to write.”
She’s a poet.
She will do anything to make him stay.
She’s petrified.

He tore her down and bruised her soul,
And she turned him into art.

The world might not remember how she felt,
But they will read her poems and know,
The devil isn’t red and he doesn't have horns.
He’s got brown eyes and a charming smile.
And
She isn’t all scars and sad poems.
There were stars hidden in her lungs
That she whispered into sweet poetry.

He was afraid,
And she was petrified,
We all are.