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My composure is just illusion.
A mastery to hide the confusion of,
Having to explain my babbling..'
Or why my heart is pounding..
Hands shaking...
Head spinning..
Palms sweating..
Panic attack brimming..
Because.. publicly speaking wasn't meant for me
I suffer from social anxiety,
And it is awkward and agoraphobic.

Call it paranoia
Or insanity.
Or both.
Because it is..

I will never be able to open up like,
"Normal" people do.
Even though I..
Want to..
Tell you,
I love you..
And need you..
And thank you..
But instead I..
Silently write my woes,
Things I wish i could say to,
Family, friends, and foes.
Yea so i have to deal with this everyday. Imagine i have an interview tomorrow, how will I survive?
 Jun 2014 VentEmotion
Siye
Him
 Jun 2014 VentEmotion
Siye
Him
Don't ask me what I see in him because
I do not know the answer to that question,
It's the way he says my name ,
the way he brings out every vowel and consonant.
It is the huskiness in his voice,
the melody in his tone.
It may be the way he smiles,
how his lips curve when he opens his mouth,
how his lips feel when they press against mine.
No, It's his compelling eyes,
they seem to get me to do anything he pleases
like, going down on my knees and...
Yeah, it's his hands,
the feeling I get when they brush against my skin.
it is his arms.
The way he holds me tight
when I'm feeling down or cold.
it is probably his scent
the way I can smell him from a distance
and then get all jumpy inside.
It is how he makes me come,
over on Friday nights and we watch movies
even though he knows how much I hate movies.
It is because he asks me how I'm doing
and actually cares.
It is the way he tickles me
and it actually does not hurt.
It is actually because he makes me feel alive.
He makes me feel like I'm human.
 Jun 2014 VentEmotion
RILEY
Blaze:
 Jun 2014 VentEmotion
RILEY
I want to come up with amendments,
But my brains cannot function
Because I have spent the last 8 hours
Trying to memorize the  2 “I’s” of Lebanese history
Irony and Ignorance.

I want to fix the world
But I was never the handy man;
I once broke my mother’s phone
Trying to wipe the screen;
And frankly,
I don’t really know what’s wrong with it.

I want to patch my mother’s heart.
The bullet in her son’s temple
Burnt a hole in her arteries,
So every time she inhales
She could taste the lead
Between her husband’s eyes;
Because before the stars collapsed
They were just scanning the shelves for skimmed milk;
His daughter suffered from diabetes,
And before the sun exploded
At the bend of a thumb
She was hanging from his arms,
Jane trying to swing her way
But in this movie
She never meets Tarzan.
His daughter was only 3.
A car bomb
Can conflagrate
From 9,000 up to 27,000 feet per second
Both are multiples of 3.
A wired van
Can carry up to 12,000 pounds
Of explosives
Also a multiple of 3.
On her 3rd birthday
She blew 3 candles,
And 3 candles were lit-
Every night,
In between the white roses-
Over her grave.

I want to breathe
Burning tires,
I want to bask
In blood,
I want to think
In exchange rates,
I want to feel numb;
If this is the only way…
Is this the only way
To survive?
 Jun 2014 VentEmotion
Shivam
Cords of neck grows tighter
as head becomes heavier,
standing upfront, facing, pool
of black head - class.

Those eyes keeps on
staring as on naked body,
Those mouths keeps on
murmuring as a child baby.

And yet I didn’t lose to wear
a folly smile in gloomy light.

Once bluey-green foliage was
chirping in cold breeze just like
I am shrieking, internally,when
I lose my cold chord in middle.

Now, tree stand near
window, with open brown
hand under soggy blue sky.
All green gone.

Those brown hand become
stiffer in cold breeze.
Awaiting for autumn to
cherry blossom.

As I am dying for this
period to over,
where I stand frozen
under black shadow.
An experience of a boy who is reciting a poem in front of his class. In middle of it he losses the track the of his poem and all of its gone which he had solemnly learned last night.  

---
Your valuable suggestions are welcome here.
 Jun 2014 VentEmotion
Helen
there so many, too few
I would spill the truth to
but so many more
would smell the lies

but I tried

I tried to be truthful
To you, to Me
to me, especially

but Truth is under rated
given the score

One ~ Nil

to you

only...
I wanted less

you won
with more
It's all in the numbers, it's a numbers game, you win with greater numbers, but the loss is your shame
 Jun 2014 VentEmotion
Quinn
Untitled
 Jun 2014 VentEmotion
Quinn
My heart my soul keep quaking because I miss you in my bones
 Jun 2014 VentEmotion
HiJinx
I know I am / the thick smoke rolling off fires / but treat me like / the purest substance / to have ever entered your lungs
 Jun 2014 VentEmotion
bambi
Vines
 Jun 2014 VentEmotion
bambi
when you left
I waited for your return
I waited until daisies sprouted
from the hollows of my collarbones
and until vines weaved themselves
into my ribcage, wrapping tight around my lungs
and taking away my breath
much in the same way you once did
but this was less painful
because the vines were a part of me now
a product of my own misery
and unlike you,
they couldn't leave
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