I got ****** by friends.
I got ****** by family.
I even got ****** by the one who said wouldn’t.

I’m tired of all the lies.
I’m tired of being disrespected.
I’m tired of the false hope when it should be me giving myself hope.

I’m exhausted.
I’m defeated.
Yet I’m still trying to climb when I can’t even walk.

I’ve hit the bottom enough times.
I did my part of loving unconditionally.
I made it known I’m here,
Yet I’m still silent as ever.

I wake up with nightmares of you.
Yet I desperately crave your touch.
Your voice.
You.

I hate it.
I hate the thought of you.
Only because you broke me like he did.
If only you knew.

I love you so much though.
You are everything to me.
Which is the worst,
Because every day I love you and I wish I could’ve had the love I gave you in return.

My love,
My Sun and Stars,
My Second Chance.
Gone and I’ve lost twice.

The last three Valentine’s Day, I’ve been haunted by a beautiful figure.
An angel to the world we live in and the one we don’t.
The kindest soul to ever truly deserve a Valentine’s.

My baby girl.
My Lydia.
Breathtaking smile, long beautiful black hair, the curious thoughts she had.
My Lydia.

To pure to be taken, but was.
A whole 5’0 tall woman so enthused by the world.
A soul we miss dearly.

Every year we celebrate your life that you had with us.
Mine will always be our junior prom.
Truth is, I saw you every day neighbor.
I wish I could’ve saw you one last time..

One year, it was rectangular boxes with our names.
$2 cards for a pack of hologram puppies or superhero’s.
Writing out each name that was your favorite.

Another year, we are grown buying little shot bottles.
Gigantic stuffed bears and favorite candy to add.
A hope for a kiss for the hard work at the end of the day surprising them.

Yet every year it’s the same.
And I’ve been okay with that,
Coming to terms that I will never have the true Valentine I so desperately deserve...

You know what’s worse than someone walking away leaving?
Staring right at them and watching them leave emotionally and mentally.

I buy a pack every two days,
Thinking today is gonna be my last.
I’m going to quit,
I will.
At least that’s the thought process.

The **** of the cigarette is on my lips,
******* in the chemicals and tabaco.
Nicotine,
A chemical driven to addiction.
An escape for two seconds of inhalation.
The calmness of the chemicals coursing through.

A sweet disgusting escape.
A cancer stick if you will.

I was burned to ash only to rise.
Thoughts of the wise,
Love of the highs,
And lost of all of the goodbyes.  

You broke me down.
Not knowing you made the final blow.  
Leaving me on the floor.
Cold and alone.

I’ve cried until it was nothing,
Because I knew you were only bluffing.
My anger rises and I am hungry.
Fueled by angst and negativity.

No longer will I play nice,
After all it was you who turned me towards the next vice.
I know I’ll be fetched for a hefty price.