How far is your will to go?
To forget.
Any chance you find to use.

How strong is that will?
To do the unthinkable.
You take the danger, no consequences.

How long will you hold out till your mind turns on you?

The melody plays.
Transporting my mind to memories and vast emotions.
Singing the words I know all too well.

Lost in a trance,
My hips start to sway.
Every lyric touching my core,
Pushing out every emotion held in.

Feeling the love of country,
The hate from metal and rock,
Sadness of depressive alternative,
And,
Happiness of every favorite song played.

Bars and choruses played in perfect harmony,
Bass and snare in sync.
Theses are all happening at once.
A mini party of your own accord.

I will never understand how you can break someone who loved you.
Just loved you when nobody else believed in you.
Changed myself for you, lost my morals for you.
Stopped caring about me and my trama to hold onto yours for you.

I wonder what you truly think about at night.
Do you wonder how much it cost you?
Was I ever really worth it?
Do you understand how much I’m hurting?

You shattered what was left of me.
Anything I had left to offer was taken almost three years ago and you broke what was left.
Someone you said you loved, and you showed angst towards me.

My heart yearns for you still.
Your scent is trapped in memory.
I wouldn’t come back, I couldn’t.
You broke me and took everything with you.

Some days,
I hate you more than words can encrypt.
Some days,
I miss your arms wrapped around me.
Some days,
I cry to my heart’s content blurred by love and hate.

Even through these days,
I must remind myself you are no longer the person I’ve come to know.
A whole 360 of your life was flipped.

Knowing the person you are,
Hurts a lot.
You were suppose to be it.
The one to change my name.
All out the window.

If I’d know the whole truth,
I still feel like it could’ve been different.
Sadly though we don’t get those chances to see.
Not when enough is enough.
Losing the faith that you’d be different.
Gone.

The grass smells sweet.
The breeze blows a warm wind,
Leaves floating from the trees and ground.
A beautiful day indeed.

Lightly moving a hand side to side,
The softness of the grass giving a sensation Indescribable.
A conversation so just and pure as a newborn.

Feeling safe and unworried.
Moments of happiness in a depressed mind.
The one thing known for sure.

A glance down.
“Gabe”
Dog print
LCHS
GABRIEL ISAIAH DION MARTINEZ
In the arms of his family Mar. 18, 1998
In the arms of Jesus Apr. 08, 2018
Grey and black granite block with a black and bronze plate on top.

Her safe place.

I write to my content.
Making those tiny videos without shame.
Gaming at its finest and total conquest.
Watching what I wanted to.

Going for the morning walks with a pit Bull/terrier than never fails to protect me.
Sleeping more only to be awoken by a different nightmare.
Actually showered and cleansed from everything.

Then one message.
One call.
My world is turned upside down again and I’m lost again.
Hurt again.
Betrayed and wishing for it all to end.

Peace I will never be granted.
Clearness of thoughts will never be realized.
And my heart.
My precious heart has nothing left to give.

Stability.
Honesty.
Unconditional love.

Three simple things needed to survive this new found world.
An urgency everyone wants.
A partner.

Agreeing to disagree.
Knowing when enough is enough.
No escalation.
Peace and safety.

Alas these simple things aren’t so simple.
We tend to think selfishly rather than together.
How could you communicate if neither is listening.

Simply put.
You don’t.