Us laying in bed together,
Your arms safely wrapped around my waist.
My head perfectly lodged at the crook of her neck.
Now I have nightmares that only you can erase,
Freeing my mind with a simple I love you.
To have you near is addictive,
Walking the streets,
Just you and I.
A tight grip on my hand,
As we crossed the roads.
Hand in hand it was suppose to be,
That had to end so suddenly.
slowly all my motivation is slippinG away. becoming lost Again.
But I am terrified of this feeling.
Time for a visit I think,
it’s been far over due my lovE.
The way you held my hand,
It took my breath away.
When you smiled at me,
I was in awe.
That’s what it felt like.
Wishing and praying everyday it would be better,
And it never did.
Be a better person you were than you were the day before.
I hope you do leave,
I hope you never see my face.
This was the hardest thing to do,
And you still spit at my face.
You are the worst and I pray,
You get wha
I hope you’re done with the fake accounts,
Because now I know better.
I’m sad for you,
Losing the greatest thing in the world.
One who pushed you,
One who loved completely,
One who gave their all after three years.
To be the second chance you weren’t,
Taken everything given and nothing to return.
Alone again to chose the direction to go,
You chose to go backwards.
Being around those who are trivial,
Words to make her crumble.
Because she had enough?
Yet I’m the one,
Who is still getting hurt.
An inch is given only to be taken by a mile,
Leave me alone,
I no longer want you.
I do not desire you,
I am suffering from within.
I am speaking and I am screaming leave me alone.
I am kicking and fighting to not use the tools necessary for death.
A trigger is what you are and nothing I say makes you think twice.
Slowly I am crumbling again after just standing and I sit on my bed as tears roll down my cheeks.
Praying and wishing for someone to notice and someone to take me and go.
Please I beg you.
I hate when you message.
A seething heat burns at my heart.
My eyes are bloodshot.
Yet you still think there’s a chance,
and that is why I cannot go back or love you like before.
No matter where I go,
Where the winds of change flow.
That’s where I’ll be waiting,
For you and you alone.
Lost and never found.
Yet you keep the game,
High and mighty you stand,
Yet still small and fragile.
To think I thought you were everything,
Turns out you were the nightmare.
No more reprimands.
No more being put down.
Ready to live the life I will make.
A better aspect of life.
Loving only myself.
Regardless of all the great.
It’s falling to the floor and not having the energy to get up.
It’s having an anxiety attack when you can’t find your comfort item because your room got cleaned
It’s trying your hardest not to scream out loud so you don’t have to go back.
A minute of hysteria and numb.
None of which can explain,
The depth of the pain in given.
Writing on paper to escape this world,
Only to turn into anger.
The coarse of red seeping into my eyes,
My thoughts are muddled and distasteful.
My heart pounding in distraught.
And now left with a mangled body,
Ready for those who take and take,
Knowing I won’t get what was taken.
Whittling the fabrication of our lives.
An abundance of lost trust over time.
Losing all hope.
She sees the pain you hide,
A conversation to get by.
Speaking ever so loud her voice,
Only to be established by
I hate being wrong.
I hate being right.
I will wipe my own tears,
Take in my own breath,
For I know it’ll be years.
Twisting and bending you do
Forming new motions to move and speak.
I get lost in translation,
Yet you are the one that is stimulated.
Begging for help you give me none,
So I shall sit and wait,
Until you are done.
Take me to a place far away from the evil in our world.
Put my mind at ease
For there is a storm coming and the winds blow mighty.
We rise and we fall.
Learning to crawl
As we continue to make our call.
I sit and write to you,
So you know my words are true.
Been awhile I know
Grey an’ sleek.
Strong an’ at your peak.
This moment is yours!
The first steps taken with man,
All in the palm of your hand!
But no hand you bare,
Instead rough padding and claws that are handle with care.
We gifted this name to the one whom fights our demons,
To overcome any trail and error.
Hercules Nuñez 4/14/21 RIP pup..
It’s a mask to put over my head.
It’s the alcohol consumed to numb the mind.
It’s acting as if I’m okay because nobody cares.
Letting go of everything that I need to keep me going is gone,
Everything I did for myself slipped down the drain.
I worked so hard.
I fought for so long.
I tried for everything.
Why am I still the let down,
Even when I communicate.
My depression has gotten worse. I’m sorry.
Three years my chest tighten when I wake.
Three years my body trembles when I move.
Three years and I hear the echos of my screams, begging for this to be a dream.
Yet I stand, three years later.
Still hoping for you to come back.
I’ve given my everything to you.
I’ve spoke to you of what is needed.
Everyone was right about us,
We never should’ve tried again.
A condensed teaser.
Lost in leisure.
Because I’m the pleaser.
A clouded mind,
Relentless thoughts and terrors.
Divided by what should be and what could be.
It was then I realized.
Im still lost.
I sit on the balcony,
Begging for your touch to take me away.
Our families despise our love,
Friends protect us from “further” harm.
To love you from afar,
It is the most undesirable scar.
I cry that fateful scene,
O’ Romeo, Romeo. Wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name.
To us my love,
Hope for us to not end so tragically.
To have the other die before the other is no option,
May we die next to each other.
Our forbidden love I hope to become null.
I’m terrified of thoughts of you,
Believing that I am not worthy of them.
Two days till your birthday,
And I’m still lost.
I accepted the lies that were told,
I wasn’t strong enough to ward their thoughts.
I am so sorry. I thought I was strong and I wasn’t. I’m sorry.
I’m soaring through the clouds,
A cloud nine high.
It’s a glorious feeling,
It’s going to be okay and I can stop bleeding.
That is until..
I start again.
Negative phrases and screaming sentences.
Pushing out these voices out and without notice,
I’ve pushed you out too.
I hate myself for doing this everytime.
Like taking off a bandaid,
I write about you,
Writing as if you’ll read them.
Yet we both know I shouldn’t,
After all, it’s my fault you’re dead.
Didn’t want to believe it, but I eventually did.
We pick on each other.
You make me smile.
I see your smile.
Everything flows well enough,
For the moment.
Your reassurance gives me hope,
My heart weakens by your grace.
I hope that it will be you,
That I can be with you.
After all the awful things,
My soul still belongs to you.
After all is said and done,
I still love you.
She lays in bed.
A flow of tears cascade down her face.
Screaming into the pillow,
She wishes to say those three words.
Words that hold so much to them,
Mean so much.
A deep inhale and a wipe of her eyes,
Into the darkness she sees a figure,
The one she wishes to see.
I love you.
My poor heart..
Stuck in love,
Lost in hopelessness.
Yet here you are,
Showing something stronger than I.
You say true love never stops;
A continuous cycle of positive and negative outcomes.
Frightened of the events that had occurred,
Yet here you are.
I haven’t a clue how to continue,
A calm conversation that’s never happened.
Even though my anxiety is shooting through the roof,
I give this conversation to you.
Even though I’m *******,
I’d still do anything for you..
Whether it is a blessing or a curse.
My darling you,
Are worth it.
We wandered around,
Zia at our heals trying to keep up.
That’s when we saw it.
Floating effortlessly in the air,
A mass of beautiful colors.
We walked towards the swarm of reds, yellows, and orange colors and they moved,
Flying around us to create our own bubble.
I couldn’t believe it had I not seen it.
Zia snapping at air to collect them in her mouth.
You pulled me into a side hug and held me there,
Taking in the beauty I saw as well.
“This is awesome. Now I get why you always come out here. Always something new to find.”
Those words full of sincerity,
And I look at you in awe.
“Who knew Scrub, ladybugs.”
We never found this place,
But it is my favorite place to meet you in.
Only in my dreams,
Where our laughter will echo in forever.
Your birthday is coming up.. I got plans haha HEALTHY ones this time 😅😅
It was the moment you took my hand,
Sang me lullabies to sleep.
Combing your fingers through my hair,
Drifting into an endless dream.
When you slept and I watched you,
I couldn’t help but think this is true.
It was the first time you and I saw each other,
I knew I’d never let a soul touch you.
Glaring at those who tried,
Meeting those who had thought twice.
Of the many nights to have your hand in mine,
I wonder if you know you are mine.
I am yours though,
Bound to you by eternity.
That is where I shall find you again.
Time couldn’t count the amount of love I have for you and continue to do so.
I had miscalculated.
I was baited.
And my heart, annihilated.
One day everything will be fine.
It’s days like this;
Where I need your comfort.
When I am defeated,
And I can’t keep standing.
I beg for you;
To save me from my turmoil.
You kept away the thoughts,
Held me to the skies.
I scream throughout my body;
Wishing for you to take me.
In the end,
Im still on a list.
Lost in an abyss of agony,
she cries quietly.
Silenced tears streaming down her cheeks.
It comes and goes,
It is what we know.
This soon shall pass,
Until then we are at an impasse.”
I think of you from time to time.
It’s a shame.
The heart heals the slowest.
Our emotions run a list in our mind,
And now we are blind.
Lost in a euphoria that isn’t what it is.
Creating a picture to hold us back.
No more i say.
It is time to fight those demons,
Take back our hopes and dreams.
We aren’t what our thoughts are,
We can be more than where we are now.
we are better than this.
Yet I love you still,
You held me up while I drowned myself.
I crave your touch,
Wanting an ounce of affection.
I believed you were the second chance.
Turns out i ended up another romance.
Added to YOUR list.
“I don’t get why you’re still in bed.”
“You need to go outside.”
You need to do this
You need to do that
What I need is the thoughts of negative thoughts to leave me head.
Then I could leave my bed.
The struggle to force myself out of bed only to do nothing in the process.
My drive and will and are slowly decreasing,
It’s almost nonexistent.
I feel still and emotionally gone.
Nothing I do is making me feel better
Be the character,
Enjoy another world unlike this one.
“Take my hand, give your worries to me and finish your process.”