I wonder, the last time I saw you,
did I tell you I loved you then?
Because I don't think I ever realized
that I'd never see you again.

Water, Diet Coke,
eggs,
lean chicken breast. Sit
in front of the mirror and eat
naked. Eat so much you get sick,
eat tomatoes, avocados,
eat eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs,
watch them spin down the bowl
when you flush.

"You're not fat" no, not fat,
but too fat still, not
huge
but too large, just slightly,
just time to stop
hiding and eating while crying
stop dressing
like a stuffed
sausage. Time to start
smoking again, sniff ******* I
hear it helps with that kind of thing.

I drove you home thinking how about how much I did not want the night to end,
It was quiet, save for the ambient noise as we drove through the freeway,
I glanced over at you, your face, your thoughts,
a  mystery.
You said to me “Do you ever just listen to the silence?”
and then suddenly it was as if I was in a special place,
a special place I only knew of,
a secret chamber I retreat to,
and yet you so effortlessly walked into it,
perhaps you already knew of this place,
perhaps you already knew of the silence,
perhaps you had been there far before I had,
these thoughts raced through my  head,
I replied to you after a few seconds of reflection,
“yes, I do listen to the silence”

fact: our subconscious decides actions half a second before your conscious even wraps itself around the situation.

fact: peer pressure can make people do the craziest ****.

fact: jellyfish are immortal. certain species can revert to an infantile, earlier stage of their life cycle when needed.

fact: humans cannot. this is one of many causes of our obsession with life and death, innocence, time, and many other subjects pertaining to similar matters; this inability is one of many forces propelling and pulling us towards the great unknown.

fact: this makes humans bitter and jaded and contemplative. this is something to continue to investigate.



fact: my subconscious is cruel and strange, having fed on a great deal of dark poetry and books I was too young to read.

fact: I get angry sometimes, and easily.

fact: I do stupid things, but it's not always peer pressure.

fact: I am bitter and jaded and contemplative sometimes, but not being a jellyfish is only one of many forces propelling and pulling me towards the great unknown.

fact: I hate you.  fact: I love you.

fact: facts aren't always true.

fact: I'm sorry.

request: Please forgive me.

fact: it's okay if you don't.

First, don’t go to any of your lectures.
Drink
yourself half-to-death,
hope
to fall into a coma. Have fun
while you do this.

Make it so bad that the friend
who was once
your drug dealer
expresses concern
for your health. Step two:

Don’t study either,
procrastinate, find sick notes,
push back the date
for the inevitable
until there’s one day left
and the workload might **** you.

Finally, step three;
stand on the steps
outside the exam hall, smoking,
have your dad call you
explaining
the death of a good friend’s father.

Use your last ten minutes
to ring old friends who need to know.
Pass on the message,
blank,
leave the exam after twenty minutes,
cry in the bathroom
and go.