Take a walk with me
where the deep calls out to the deep
you will find me there

Take a walk with me
through the trees and green things
where a soul can breath

I crash
against myself

again
  and again
     and again

throwing myself into
the possibilities
of me

she
who could be
   or has always been

while I,
in the now
stand scrutinized
under judgmental eyes

that I no longer wish to heed

I rage.

And not in that "hate is just another form of love" ******* way.

I Rage.

At my own **** decisions.
My own incompetencies.
My own cowardly impotence.

I RAGE.

Bearing the consequences of my failures
with attempted and failed
grace.

I RAGE.
GOD ******* ****!**

and then it's passed.

he rakes me
sharply, softly,
    with big, sturdy hands

watching the red spread
all the way down

the sudden intensity
sets my sleepy skin ablaze
and my consciousness uncoils
in the haven of his arms...

*good morning, love.

i'm wanting
like hard brittle things
want to break

stuttering, trying to explain
to the organized, box trained
how badly i need a little chaos

cause those patterns out there
in the stars
make way more sense to me
than your day planners

And i've tried.
half my life i've tried
the people pleasing parts of me, still ******* trying
to play the expected parts
so much so
that my own offspring - my own blood
looks at me now with foreign eyes
reflecting the familiar disapproval

as I burn up the parts of me i'm done with
the parts they told me I had to be
letting all the "ugly" colors bleed through

everyday I get a little closer
to what i'm supposed to be...

Soft I shall remain
against hard and sharpened
happenings

with open heart
and bated breath
I wait...