I found myself stuttering yesterday...
clumsily tripping, fumbling,
over words.
The explanation of my whereabouts -
in question.
Like a guilty child.

Awareness then anger emerge.
irritated, indignant hostility.
That I would allow this again -
over and over and over again…

Trying to account for every moment beneath suspicious eyes. Groundless guilt rising up, as I choke, words broke and unspoke

- while the little voice in my head screams "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!"

little love letters
emanate through fingertips
and soft kissing lips

hold up. slow down.

my pendulum swung so fast
round and round

from the void of feeling
to hope - to anger - to hope - to desperation - to hope - to rage - to heartache - to hope -

then the explosion of feeling
burst to life in warm and welcoming hands
lust - love - lust - love - lust - love - love - love
and a deep seated need to be touched, to be seen.

finally.

exploded up like a banshee, screaming towards the sky
so fast. so high.
So fast. so High.
SO FAST. SO HIGH.

And I promised. I promised, love, didn't I?
This time.
Live bigger, Love better. Live better, Love bigger.
With eyes wide open
I breath, and I wake.

the farther she steps
off the typically tread path

the darker the eyes upon her become.

the sudden realization
that these sheep
have teeth
and a mob-mentality, peer justified taste
for cruelty

I want him  like a frozen stick of butter wants a hot knife...
Cut into me, leaving a salty trail of melted **** in his wake...

Every hard part of me begs this release,
break me down,
free me from ****** little store bought boxes
I was never meant to fit in.

I was never meant to fit in.

I stumble on those words;
"I love you"

So far from adequate
that my tongue
rolls itself in distaste.

But I offer it up anyways
(such a tiny totem)

and hope that you know,
hope that you see,
hope that you feel,

the sheer ecstasy that follows in it's wake…