David Barr: Favorites

Dec 2014 David Barr

derelictmemory

You've got dirt underneath your fingernails
and I'm not sure if it's from digging your own grave
or mine

Your eyes are a blank slate
and I can hardly see the person I knew from before
a tragedy

My hands are tied
with the bits of barbed wire that you used to
keep me out

The palpitations in my chest quicken
my eyes in a frenzy, my body thrashing there has to be
a way

Your heart is lost
but you, you are not. You are here and you are
living still

There is a stillness
in the way you speak and the way you look at me like
I'm a stranger

Dec 2014 David Barr

This time

Dec 2014 David Barr

Ember Evanescent

This time

This time, I am not so eager to please you.
I am angry with you.
You might be oblivious, but I am furious with you.
You hurt me.
Don't let it get to your head,
No, you didn't shatter my heart
Or any crap like that
Don't overestimate
Your importance in my life
But it did hurt me
And the main reasons
I kind of want to stab you (yes, I'm violent. get over it)
Is because
You wasted MONTHS of my time
Then you go and text me
Yesterday
Well, first of all
I had my traditional heart attack
When your name lit up my screen
But after the initial terror settled down
I informed all my friends you had texted me
Their responses involved a lot of offers
To ****** you if you didn't leave me alone
In very creative ways
But I decided to find out what you wanted
You "just figured it had been a while since we talked."
Ha.
I saw your exgirlfriend the other day
The one you dropped me for
In a split second
Her face was attached to some other guy's face
And that guy was not you
So it didn't work out
First of all HA.
Secondly, that just means now
You might just be going for your other back up option
Well, I am no Plan B
I do not like being a back up option
I know you are charming
I will admit that, yes.
You are very handsome
I really could never do
any better than you
If we are thinking by society's standards
But I don't want you.
Charm doesn't work on the jaded
Charm doesn't work on the hurt
Charm doesn't work on the broken
And most of all
Charm REALLY doesn't work on the homicidal
I am all four
So don't you dare underestimate my ability
To keep myself
From ever falling for you again
I will be happy however
To talk to you
To try to rekindle
whatever we had
before you left me for her
But I am so used to
playing with fire
at this point
Our spark
Will only catch you
You can't burn ashes
And all that's really left of me
in some ways
is ashes
so good luck with that
It will just burn you
and I will watch you burn
I don't actually believe
in romantic love anymore
thanks for that.
I am not one to *******
If you value your life
Or if you like to keep your limbs
actually attached to your body
I will talk to you
But I will never again
Confuse your flirting
With truth
Because you
Are a pathetic liar
And I will never fall
For your lies again
No
I know I am not pretty
No
I know that I am not “lovely”
As you used to tell me
Far too many times
For it to be true
This time
Is different
Time to prove
That I really can be cold
Time to prove
That I CAN be strong
And not swayed by words
I will never ever
Give you another chance
And I will not let any chance I get
Slip by
To hurt you
The way you hurt me
I will happily waste your time
like you wasted mine
I hope I get the chance
to drown you
in all the pathetic tears
I cried for you
and if my friends
ever get a hold of you
they will probably
Voldemortify you
you will miss your nose
when they detach it from your face
...you should probably hide
because an old flame's wrath
is nothing
compared
to an old flame's best friends' wraths
This time
will be different
I am not desperate
I no longer am amazed by you
I no longer see you
as this unattainable daydream come true
I now see you for what you are
a player
and a liar
who can't make up
his own freaking mind
so this time
the table will be turned
you want to play again?
Alright, player
I look forward
to winning this time
and then
you will be sorry
you ever crossed me
this time.

I will not be ****** in this time, I swear. Anyone else have best friends with creative ideas on how to rearrange the body parts of people who hurt you? lol

#thistime

Nov 2014 David Barr

Pfffft I don't need a man! That's what chocolate is for!

Nov 2014 David Barr

Ember Evanescent

Pfffft I don't need a man! That's what chocolate is for!

Pfft I don't need a f!cking man to make me feel loved and happy

Why else would we have chocolate?

I mean really

Chocolate doesn't mind if I am a *****

If I *** really badly

If I eat it (guys would never let you do that! And I bet they wouldn't
taste as good ...okay that's creepy. let's not think about that.)

If I wear what I call my: comfy-lazy-day-clothes and the rest of
humanity calls: hella-ugly-as-****-clothes

If I don't' wear makeup

If I bag on myself

If I sing. For 9 hours... straight...

If I ugly cry

If I literally act SO unbelievably insane it is actually scary and not pleasant or normal or safe and probably merits a psychological analysis

If I am too busy to hang out with it

Chocolate has never told me it loves someone else

Chocolate doesn't mind at all if I **** so badly at most sports that
dolphins are better throwers than me... and runners...

Chocolate doesn't ever care if I read so much that I forget to like, eat or
sleep or breathe or brush my hair or get dressed or get out of bed or put on pants or do anything else.

Chocolate can deal with my insane mood swings

Chocolate doesn't hit on other girls

Chocolate doesn't care that I'm not ready to like, you know "get serious" with it (that would actually be really disturbing let's not think about that either)

Chocolate accepts me for who I am and never judges me
(Although that is mainly because it is edible and inanimate...)

Chocolate respects my boundaries

I love chocolate

See? I don't need a man to be happy.

Who am I kidding I'm lonely as hell. :(
Why am I so pathetically dependant on love?
AUGH. I guess I'll just go and eat some chocolate.

so so lonely. sighhhh. :'(

#lonely #chocolate #pffft #screwlove

Nov 2014 David Barr

Is it wrong?

Nov 2014 David Barr

Ember Evanescent

Is it wrong?

Is it wrong that I wish somebody would take time our of their day to notice me?
Is it wrong that I wish someone would CARE that I exist?
Is it wrong that I want to be loved by someone who isn't related to me and is a boy?
Is it wrong that I am so selfish that all I think about is receiving love from someone else?

I'm such a despicable human being because I want a boy to love or at least like me so badly and I don't appreciate those that DO love me already it's just that I really want love right now.
Is it wrong to want that?

Is it wrong that I feel like every poem, story, letter, grocery list for God's sakes that I write feels unnoticed and uncared about and lost?
Like a shout into silence with no one around to hear it?
I feel like I write and no one reads
I speak and no one listens
I scream and everybody pretends not to hear
I love
AND NO BODY LOVES ME BACK
It would just be so nice if someone sacrificed a little of their time
to notice that I exist
and that I have a voice
but I really don't feel worthy of that
and this pathetic self-pitying point I'm at
is a low point for me
I'd be too ashamed to say it out loud that I feel unloved
that I am so selfish and self-pitying
but I gotta write it
to get it out of my system
this lonely unwanted unnoticed feeling
like I don't exist
like no one cares what I have to say
Is it wrong?

Sorry. Just feel really invisible right now....

#invisible #unloved #unnoticed #noonecaresthatiexistrightnow #omgwhyamisopatheticallyselfpitying

Nov 2014 David Barr

LIVE IN THE MOMENT

Nov 2014 David Barr

WendyStarry Eyes

LIVE IN THE MOMENT

Now is
the only truth
The moment, that one
is experiencing
NOW.
The second that moves on
it morphs our perception
of that moment,
which escapes truth
We think too much,
distort the truth with our minds
Therefore,
the only truth in life
is The Moment.
Don't think too much
LIVE
IN THE MOMENT

"THAT'S ALL I GOT TO SAY ABOUT THAT"

Nov 2014 David Barr

In Your Dreams ~~~ Collaboration with The Creep That Loved You

Nov 2014 David Barr

The Girl Who Loves You

In Your Dreams ~~~ Collaboration with The Creep That Loved You

I'm just the girl                  I'm just the creep
Who loved you                  That loved you
Who else could I               Who else could I
be?                                       be?
What else could I              What else could I
do?                                       do?
Please notice the               Please notice the
past tense                           past tense
Cause it's not like             Cause it's not like
before                                 before
I did love you once          I did love you once
But now I love you          But now I love you
no more                             no more

This girl right here
That loved you long ago
Well, I'm finally through
Just thought you should know
I no longer dream of you
I no longer wish you were mine
Truly, I loved you once
But I've left those feelings behind

                    I'm sitting here thinking about
                    His mischievous smile
                    When you walk by, I look there
                    To where my new prince
                    charming sits,
                    You leer at me, finally realizing
                    That you're lost at sea
                    Without me.
                    I'm gone, you see...
                   You should've caught me
                   When you still captivated my naiveté.

You should have loved this girl back
I've got so much heart to share
I could have loved you so right
Unfortunately, you never did care
I'm glad I'm so over you
I can finally move on to someone new
What I want, you never did give
A real man and poet, who's so true

                   I've already torn you out
                   From your throne in my heart,
                   I dragged you out by the throat,
                   While you got scratched by all
                   the thorns
                   Lying neatly everywhere.
                   You stare at me from the ground,
                   Pleadingly, but
                   No... I have grown.

Not only do you no longer reside
Inside this heart made of gold
You no longer haunt my dreams
You no longer have the key to my soul
The love I gave, you took for granted
But now my heart is free to love another
After this, my poetry will have no more specks of you
You'll be out of my mind forever

                    No longer will I fall into your divinity,
                    I can't stand your fake holiness.
                    I am the devil that caresses your soul,
                   The creep that awaits you in
                    your mirror
                   The little parasite that will
                    poison your mind
                   Whispering hymns and psalms
                    into your fingers and lips.

Can't you see?
That creep that haunts you,
Is secretly me.
But now that we're both through
We'll taunt both your dreams
Tear you from the inside out
Ripping at you from you inner seams
We loved you without a doubt
But now we'll forget about you
While you're left drowning in the deep
Remember us, when you can no longer breathe
Sincerely ~ This girl and that creep

Haha!
THANKS CREEP! :)
So much fun with this one! Hope y'all like it!

#love #life #girl #pain #dreams #loved #creep #haunt #collaboration #tgwly

Nov 2014 David Barr

Love/Hate (There's a Thin Line)

Nov 2014 David Barr

The Girl Who Loves You

Love/Hate (There's a Thin Line)

A thousand times I've said it
I'll say it a thousand times more
I said it in my dreams
Screamed it in my nightmare
I said it on the phone
I've texted it out
In the kitchen, in our room
Nearly everywhere
I don't think you've heard me clearly
Because you're never there
You left me, standing here
Crying it out a thousand times
Living out my worst fear
I'm giving up, I'm never heard
I'll say it a thousand times more
But I'm changing one simple word

I love you?
~no~
I Hate You!

I hope you can hear me now
Want me to text it out?
I'll scream it in my dreams
Now that I know what it really means
A few simple letters, my message is changed
What I said before?
I think I was deranged
I didn't have a clue
Don't worry about replying ***
I've already deleted you

Never Forget
The Girl Who Loved You

#love #life #hate #pain #tears #loss #you #grief #deleted #tgwly

Nov 2014 David Barr

From My Observation

Nov 2014 David Barr

Lyz Elysian

From My Observation

I feel, in the soul, in the belly of the beast.
Flaming coals burning holes in canvas paintings of the East.
At least I know I've been learning captioned lullabies.
Uncovering truths as day by day the lyrics have come to unwind.

My dad is a rock,
He is tough, and I've tried.
But I hope that someday we'll find crystals inside.
Or he'll stop punching holes through the walls of people's lives.
With bleeding fists,
I wish his anger would find a cave and go hide.

My mom is like magma,
she sits and she steeps.
She takes rocks and she melts them into pools around her feet.
She erupts in spurts of vulnerable untruths,
And hot anger that scars, chars, and burns anyone standing close to her.
But when lava sits, and when it has dried.
From the infertile past battlegrounds,
Forests will rise.

Written July 18 2014