Lately I've been trying to forget who you are. Did you know that every seven years the human body replaces each and every cell. I think that's lovely. How invigorating is the thought that I will soon have a body that you have never loved, that you have never touched. However,  I've still got years to go and tonight you're the only thing pulsing through my veins. ***** and ***** and ***** is the only thing I can feel. I'm trying to forget you but it seems like the only thing I'm forgetting is my name and how to walk. It's so hard to keep going when you're the only thing on my mind, sober or drunk.

Flip the pillow, the cold brings comfort
The air sticks to the wall, you turn away
Shattered night sky, restless thunder
A bow shaped cloud ignites, luminous
blue fissures weld a crossbow of bolts.

Flash, the night sky glows, white hot
subconscious blink, the room lights up.

Fall back exhausted as storm breezes cleanse.
Rainwater Winds and pockets of pressure,
Under the blanket, the mercury measures
Eighty degrees, your skin starts to sizzle,
Rain pounds the glass, gusts cool the air.

Rest those tired eyes, shut yourself in
Storms will retreat, serenity will win.

See colors
Hear beats
Have wonders
Feel a kiss of peace
A mess of confusion
I'm caught in a storm I will never see
The illusion
of a calm that will never be
Awoken in the morning
Disoriented and blind
Forgetting my mother's warning
"Don't associate with them, they aren't your kind"

You take my hand
"Didn't see you there," I laugh
Carry me to the sand
Look, on my behalf
You let me listen to the waves
I recognize the change in your inflection when you smile
And my heart caves
You're my lily of the Nile

My ice cold beer in Hell
The lock on my door
A secret I don't have to tell
My everything, you're

I have trust
I have love
In this world that I must

you are a stampede in the hollow parts of my bones,
a chance to open the chambers of my heart. quite literally.
my plans for this body are to be wrapped around the intensities of yours.
keep you still.
I look into a velvet mix and hope someone’s there.
instead I hear God yell, who made me?
the bruises you left on my shoulders tell
the story of an orange tree stuck in the wrong garden
but still persisting it is at home.
you are the exothermic reactions happening in my veins.
hardly do you notice them shimmer.
I smoke the left over cigarettes
found between my nails.
they exhale your name when the air is cold
and frost becomes my sole companion.
you walked away when I gave you my hand
and all you felt were tears drip from my pores.
a sponge used to dry my eyes.
is this what it’s like to be in love?
hardly do you notice them shimmer.

I sometimes catch myself glancing at someone.
Then turn around, but I can't stop myself from staring back at them again.
The way people do something, and look so beautiful, without even knowing.
When they draw, when they do their homework, when they're watching TV, some people just always catch my eyes, and I can't help but stare at them. It makes me smile, and I kind of fall in love with the way people do stuff.

I am just your average sinner,
sly glances say, I am second chance, time around .
I spin mediocre wildest-dreams
in rundown hope hotels
I am just a pretty sinner with a
dusty trail of lust
like green pollen in my wake.
A vehicle of possibility
to all the places we can drive our devils,
with cocktails and vague musician
who lean back on wooden chairs, against walls of fading paint.
with tables for sins
to be laid out like Thanksgiving.
My sins are neon signs in yellowed rooms,
My sins are rusted cans kicked in old beach towns.
My sins are hot pavement under cracked rubber tires rumbling above.
My back arched in a prayer to the sky.
The rise of my hipbones like majestic mountains.
My sins leak from my eyes. First one, then another.
Down, Down they fall
I fall to my knees.
They fall and I curse them for leaving me too.
I fall to my knees like the traveler who has journeyed too long,
On my knees and  I kiss the dirt of home.
I am humbled and groveling...within my sinning.
And I pray a much louder prayer. I am a much humbler servant, with much to forgive.
I wear my sins like a raincoat to keep me dry from all the
good intention and 'well-deserved!' that might be coming my way.
I twist my sin into a paper flower and wear it in my sinful hair next to my sinful eyes by my sinful mind.
I am just your average sinner
Dreaming of living a better life someday.
Praying to be a better me, someday.
Someday is a funny place to live
With towering hopes
and skyscraping desires scratching at its sterile walls.
No, not for me.
I am just your average sinner...
with extraordinary sins.

I catch you in the petrichor,
I catch the musk of you-
the dark of you,
the vanishing drought of you
I dance within your jejune dusk-
empty hollow hunger howls,
'no substance here, no substance here'
and in every day that I get to love you-
I'll love you in the jamais vu.
so that I can forget I know how
and learn to love you
yet again.
Felicity, I'll bring to you.
In a basket, on a bike-
I'll wear a fetching hat
with a ribbon down my back
as I sing to you in symphonies that echo in an empty room.
I'll sit delicate on Icarus wings
and love you till I melt-
Knowingly I'll greet the sun
swimming in the candle wax-
I'll have done all these things yet not enough
Till I've loved you when the day is done.


sahn
6/30/2014