I can't stop thinking: is there someone out there? Someone who can see in the dark? I need a lifeline or the hint of a spark. I'm sick of being distressed. Lonely and love are brothers at best.
And all the while I still have a smile. A feeling I haven't had in a while I feel a change deep inside. Whatever it is, it gives me great pride.
When I meet her this time I won't hide away. Ill meet her head on, its a new day.

I commuted to school so when I say bus boy I really mean: fool.
the ride was over an hour away but I always tried to find a reason to stay. Then I met a girl with blackish brown hair. Her eyes gave off a ghostly stare. She saw me and all of my flaws.
I intently fell for all of hers too. I hate myself for letting her go. She sits on my friends page. She still doesn't know. I lost one love before. How could I be so stupid to let her out the door.
I miss her every day. I scream at the past to go away.
don't haunt me with that beautiful girl she was always to good for a guy like me. I know that I'm ******* but please understand. I am a ***** when love is in hand.

Words run rampant through my mind. Doing much more than just killing time.
I should be so tired it doesn't make sense.
the words are speaking to my demons right now. Stripping the walls of my soul.
Putting me on display. Its almost freeing I have to say.
To finally talk to my demons today. To speak not in words but through music and muse. To solve puzzles of heartache. In my mind I smell rain. Washing away all I'm about. The depression the anger, calming my fire. I wish I could scream how I felt but only in a language lost on all but me.

Poems carve story's, of what eyes can't see. Colors for blind men, following stars.
It opens up cages. Changes ash into rain.
Dissolves pain on the lips of the mind.
Describes thoughts through physical force.

You fall in love never meeting at all. As if a  ghost is loving on you. Stealing you kisses as your heart melts away. I can't name the times I've thought of a poet who I loved through her paintings printed in words. Its sensual not ***** and course like the act of ***, but rather like the beat of a drum, a butterfly flapping its wings through your mind.
Ill taste your heart. You can taste mine.

Its bitter and sweet. Its messy yet clean. Sacred and yet dark. It is the sun in the night. The moon of the day.
A silent prayer of the heart. We all wish to meet, one we could love.
One we would sacrifice sanity for. The one we would fight death himself for.
like a parchment of oil set fire in my chest. The heart doesn't always know best. But life was not made on logical steps. But on a reverse escalator we all must climb. Its echo is really gods slow grind. And if on the way we should pass by. Please just kiss me. I don't care why. Life without love is not living at all. I should rather die falling in a moment of grace. Connected to you, in this miserable place.

Crucifix is my name. Sounds odd even in my brain.
see when I was a boy, my dad was a fed every night I was scared he'd come home dead.
I spent my days creating heroic plays. Bat man and robin. Daredevil too. They were the playmates, I wanted to be. That is the real tragedy you see.
Born in this world away from the rest, my true character is beneath my chest. I named him crucifix you see. A dark crusader, and the Christian in me.
He's what I still wish I could be. If I could publish a book one day.
It should be his. And in some way star me.
I could be the hero I wish I could be.
yes I know that's not very humble of me. But there seams to be a human urge, to stand away from the rest. To be the star of the show.
Makes me wonder why we shun thoughts with celebrity glow.
Crucifix is me. He will always be.
This is just a little you need to know. Because that's where my name comes from on this page.

Why are my heroes less real than yours? I'm so **** sick of that stupid cliche "cops and soldiers, and firefighters up up and away." None of them were there for me in any way.
I don't give a crap if you won't follow or if I never see a "like" or a "favorite" again.
God almighty couldn't stop my pen.
So why are my heroes less real then yours?
Isn't god just as real as mine?
So shut the hell up and get back in line.
you know who was there the day I couldn't stand.
Not your heroes playing wars in the sand.
Not your cops, who were off killing kids.
No fire here, turn a deaf ear.
The ones who were there for me on that day. Was a hero in red with horns on his head. A man all in black who dressed like a bat. A solider that stood for what a nation aspires. And a immigrant from who knows where.
They taught me my morals from birth this I swear. They taught me right. They taught me wrong. I don't give a **** if you think I'm wrong.
I will write comics as bright as the sun. I will save worlds with words. I won't apologise, don't insult the fire in my eyes.
I've never questioned to what you aspired. I never met your heroes before but I respect the story's of yours in the war. Of cops who helped kids who didn't have a dime, of firefighters saving people in time.
so leave mine alone they saved plenty they have. Even if its only the life of a depressed lonely lad.