trauma changed me
took away my innocence
left me with fear

trembling
what’s behind the corner

laying awake
scared to sleep
body shakes
I begin to weep

Mind filled with memories I’d pay to have removed
Constantly trying to win
But I always tend to lose
Waiting for the day that I can finally be set free
From all of the memories
that have been consistently haunting me
Wishing my life away puts me at ease
I don’t believe in God
But I’m begging him please
Leave me be
But not really
Let my soul escape from me
The sun is ruined
As am I
I am a burden
But I ask why?
What have I done to make me bad?
Summertime always makes me sad
It’s not the summer or the spring
It’s the trauma voice that continues to sing  
“ you are tainted” it always says
How could I not believe what’s in my head?

something that can make you forget grief and suffering
your name is synonymous
your laugh intrudes my mind in the best way possible
my mind cannot mimic your beautiful voice
your words consume my mind
i hope this feeling is everlasting and not fleeting
my burning passion wishes we were more
but i must be patient
my feelings for you are deep and intense
the thought of us is freeing and pure
you are the one i've always wished for
being vulnerable is scary yet romantic

at the end of the day
we all want the same thing
to be loved
to be validated
to be appreciated
so why is it so hard to do?
is it because we live in a world that has taught us to hate ourselves?
probably
we have ridiculous beauty standards
whether be it be a guy, girl or anyone in between
it's too much
be kind to one another
be kind to yourself

somedays getting out of bed feels impossible
eating feels like a failure
and trying seems meaningless
but
sometimes the days seem brighter
eating feels like success
and living feels worth it

- those are the days
that I live for