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nabila s Aug 2019
The first time I got my heartbreak
Things jumped out of place
Time felt so long as it tick-tocked
Tears got out of hand it went to be the river
It was my first time getting rejected
I had no idea it would leave a void
After all I never regretted any
As if you were my last choice
made this 30 minutes ago, fresh out of the oven.
nabila s Jul 2018
afraid of having you wholefully
for a fear of losing you pieces by pieces, slowly
from trapping you inside of me 24/7
to letting you go entirely
by saying i love you each and every single night
doesn't mean i want to be yours
i just wanted to feel, be loved, by loving
in case i don't get any of you
either because you're not used to me
or you choose not to
it doesn't matter
cause every time
my eyes scream 'you look beautiful' in every light i met you
my heart runs a marathon for the hope of welcoming yours into mine
even my nose sense a tragic yet desiring story of one who fell so deep
one became so in love
and for each time you smile, not for me, for who, but the world,
my existence has been blessed for letting you be one of thousands i've seen
one of hundreds i know
one of few i befriend
one of one i fell for

and when the time comes,
i know my invitation never really went away
still, didn't give up yet.
  Sep 2016 nabila s
sweetrevoirs
love changes
love doesn't rub my cheeks gently like love used to
love doesn't hold my hand as tight as love used to
love doesn't smile a lot these days
love's eyes are full of uncertainty
love
doesn't share his thoughts anymore
love doesn't share his favorite songs
love doesn't joke freely like before

love is still love but
love doesn't miss me when i'm away
love used to text me with “I guess you're asleep, may tomorrow you be safe, let me know when you're awake, and goodnight!” when i fell asleep and forgot to text back
love doesn't notice me as much as love did a month ago

i'm not saying love is dead but
love doesn't say love like love did
love doesn't love like love did
love gets busier
love gets fader
love thought i was joking when i said “I give up”

love won't answer my texts
love won't pick up my calls

love now walks faster than me
love now speaks in a lower tone
love is now silent
love feels awkward seeing me
love now doesn't sound as excited
and as curious
love is now not as comfortable with my presence
is it normal for love?

or maybe love is dead?
love fell asleep one day and woke up not love
wrong love
maybe love has become somebody else's love
maybe love is still love but not for my love
maybe love is still love but love is tired
maybe love is still love but love is getting tired of my love

or maybe love is just dead.


love is now more brilliant
love stands tall in love's world
love is loved by so many loves
love forgets about love's love
love thrives
love grows
alone
nabila s Sep 2016
You should (probably) stay,
A couple more days,
Or hours,
Or minutes.

A little more longer.

Maybe i should've asked you to,
But i didn't.

Since i knew,
That you would no longer
Stop a single second
Just to stare.
why not
nabila s Sep 2016
i came too early that day. i remember that the room was still empty. you could even hear a footstep from the highest seat.

i didn't have anything to do so i sat on our supposed to be seat. it was not very high. we were on the middle seat. i was comfortable in that position anyway.

people came one by one, with their couple, their mother, their whole family. yet i was there all alone waiting for a man that promised to come before the show start.

you were right though. when the lights go out i could see you walking towards me holding a bucket of popcorn. at that point, i was 100% sure that the movie will not be as creepy as it should be (we watched horror movie back then, even though we both were chickens who couldn't watch no horror stuffs)  

the movie started, our selfes were half focused on the screen. the other is focused on our own mental. reminding it to not to go nuts when **** happens. we didn't talk much that time. we didn't even have the courage to eat the popcorn you bought.

sigh, this was the saddest part. you shouldn't have held my hand that tight. and i shouldn't have pulled your jacket so rough. wish we weren't watching horror movie so that wouldn't happened. i was indeed afraid of letting you go. but i did it anyway since i was a strong rebel, and end up regretting it now.

but anyway, thank you.

all that left now is emotion. painful feelings that cover my entire body every time i go to the theatre. it somehow attacks every inch of me, my senses are full of turbulances and trembeled affection.

hello again, and i'm sorry.
sorry for reminding you,
about how your hands,
felt like the world.

perhaps our love were only made for movie screen, and a piece of this pointless handwriting.

Sincerely,
your ex-almost lover.
never hold a hand so tight, it would left you a feeling of a little spark of a universe feel like.

— The End —