i really want to believe that it was
legitimately used at some point to
solve conflicts between opposing armies
that would justify so many of my own emotional reactions

**** Norman Vincent Peale.
I will say it out loud.
There are mornings
when death would be better;
when you have slept but three hours;
when the dawn silence
crushes your damaged brain
into pea gravel;
when your 28-pound cat
disdains your company;
when you can feel your nerves
pulsing outside your skin;
when your stomach congeals
from unaccustomed food;
when you are nursing
a sixty-three-year-old hangover;
when the sunlight strikes you
through the ***** window
like a ten pound sledge
straight to the temple;
when the ghosts are
as thick as Nebraska stars,
but refuse to explain
why you are still alive;
when there is only one dream left
and she is a country away
and thinks you may be crazy;
when there isn't one
******* thing in the universe
to be positive about;
when you walk past the mirror
and see a landscape of ruins;
when birds and Mozart do not suffice;
and you finally know in your heart,
there really is no fool like an old one
and you my idiot friend are old.

  ~mce

i'll try to draw a picture
a sentimental fixture
with all the words
i could conjure up
the most beautiful one is her

you can have them
all of them and keep them
they can swim with us in the deep end
and be alarming in case we sleep in

Our generation has become so use to temporary feelings, things and people
we aren’t surprised when there isn’t a sequel.
But it’s sad really, how accustomed we’ve become,
detachment has become a rule of thumb.
I don’t want temporary feelings, things or people,
I want to be surrounded by loved ones when I’m standing in that cathedral.
I want forever, like in the storybooks
but it doesn’t have to be a fairytale like with Peter Pan and Hook.
I just want something real,
something that in the depths of my soul, I can feel.
Someone through thick and thin,
there for me when I lose, and when I win.
It won’t be perfect, and definitely not easy
but we’ll have each other, that’s the dose of 'cheesy.'
Our generation is use to temporary feelings, things and people
they don’t expect a sequel.
They’ve come to expect everything to end,
the idea of temporary is the new trend.
And it’s really sad to see,
this generation missing out on so much that could be.

...or last night it doesn't matter much because neither time was quite right, but it will be whenever that might be and here or there or wherever we are, whatever we do and become, you and I will learn to fly and together we'll soar over the mountain tops, explore the rainbows and I'll watch the stars go pop in your eyes as we lean into tomorrow and kiss.
I count every ray in the sun of each day and each ray brings me nearer to a time when the time becomes clearer as all things will do as I learn and lean with you into a tomorrow where dreams do come true.

tonight I can write,
of a disorder so monstrous,
I intermittently cannot tell,
if I want to laugh, cry, or die.
this wretched disorder is like,
being stabbed by your favorite person,
and laughing instead of crying.
everyday is a struggle to seem normal.
it's just so sorrowfull,
when your emotions are being juggled,
at the circus in your head.
my mind is like a battlefield in WW1.
but unlike the casualties,
the perpetually changing emotions live on.
tonight,  even as I write,
my feelings will not stop bouncing around,
like children when they,
consume too much sugar.
the way I feel towards everything,
never stops changing.
everyday, every hours every minute,
my emotions never rest.
the brain within my skull,
commands me one moment to be euphoric,
and within 30 seconds,
says to be rancorous.
but tonight while I've written this,
these forever changing emotions,
did not win.
despite the war in my head,
I have kept the same mood.
this disorder will not end me.