I will sing a melody
one that keeps you warm
I’ll sing a song so good
you’ll forget all the coulda
woulda shoulda beens.

the song will keep you high
you’ll be in the sky
I’ll be following right behind
I forgot what it was like -
this tragically beautiful flight.

you’ll sing back to me
knowing that this will always be
the safest place ;
being she and he
nothing else will ever be

too many parts of me crave you.
every little piece of me.
the neurons jumping back and forth
my brown eyes only seek your blues
my heart wants your hearts torch
my skin would like to touch yours
my fingers caressing you gently
my lips only try to find yours
my toes mingle at the foot of my bed
seeking out your warmth
my head would like to find that crook in your shoulder
my words linger in the air waiting for you to hear
you’re the only one who has me this near

my life goals have changed from time to time.
as a child I wanted to be a bus driver
as I grew to find out more I opted to get into law school
a couple years after that, I settled on being on healthcare
a year into that adventure with failed roommates and failed part time jobs
I came home and became the person
the person who wipes grannys **** when no else will
and sings and dances with the crazies because no one else will
that was my dream and my life for a couple of years
now as an adult
a mid twenties adult
I feel forced to know what I’m doing in this life

as I sit here in a non sterotypical room
I think of why are these people here
they appear normal to me
which means the opposite as well
maybe they’ll avoid their eyes meeting my arm
my arms the one twitching today
with random sensations in my legs
I don’t feel well taking the two pills
their jobs are to put me on hill
& yet here I am still below ground
this whole mess looks like
a two year old drew a circle
there’s no balance here
just no death or fear of death
even if there was
it is gone in one deep breath

its days like these
i wish i was another
another human being
with different struggles
the ones not in their head
affecting the way everything’s read

todays the day i want to be
inside another’s home
inside another head
just anywhere outside
outside of this place

the chaos of my mind
of my head
and of my life
i feel like i try
every single little thing
and every single time
i just end up lingering
somewhere out in space
out of place
even after everything
i’ve ******* tried.

I will always be that girl
the one who took your heart
I took it and tore it apart
and here I am
needing it stitched back together
while im still stapling myself

I made a new friend, you know.
She’s absolutely beautiful.
She is with porcelain skin,
with long dyed red locks.
She says she has been
through a few too many rocks.
She has a heart of gold.
just like slivers of her hair.
Not too many have cared,
even after her soul has bared.
I would like to be there, and
create a new friend here.
She deserves way more
than her past life’s gore.