It doesn't need to be a big reason,
Or a sensible one. All it has to be
Is a good enough reason
For you to maintain your life.

I live for my family, for my friends;
It is difficult sometimes though,
To remember this reason.
But it is always there.

It draws me back into life,
Into breathing and laughing
And hurting and crying
And feeling something akin to *alive.

No more cascading through endless dreams, lost is the moment in between.
Like something never found in the midst of looking, taking every feeling in the lack of loving.
There is little to ponder on in a soft hearted lover, seeing the rain but wanting more than cover.
Time is a mystery no more useless than the rest, but no matter how much passes waiting for the final test.
We may change our perception of the past to fit a wanted future, but we may never know trapped in a material stupor.
Searching for the moments we kept, too old to open an aged box of regret.
Living inside stoke illusions, forgetting that we are left to find the solutions.

Anxiety is preparing yourself to say "here" when the teacher does attendance.
Anxiety is shaking so bad you can barely keep food on a spoon.
Anxiety is being so quiet that even your mind stops for a second.
Anxiety is never texting first because you feel needy.
Anxiety is not being able to walk up to the teacher to hand in a paper.
Anxiety is always sitting in the back of the class so you don't feel eyes know you.
Anxiety is being afraid. All the time. Afraid to love, to smile,  or even to say hello.
Anxiety is only having a few friends because it's hard to talk to people you don't know.
Anxiety is wanting to talk to the cute boy who sits across from you, but you're afraid of him knowing the real you.
Anxiety is finally saying hello

20 times in your head

I don't wish
for myself to die,
but I wish that
I was never born
I wouldn't die
after I'm broken,
but I'd be dead
before I'm torn

©