You
           2. Monsters under the bed
      3. Being alone in the dark
           4. Spiders

5. I have to be medicated to appear even
                                                     remotely ordinary
          6. Being followed
     7. Tiny holes in leaves
          8. Feeling calories go down my throat

9. Strong men and greasy boys
         10. *You

Something must make you happy;
something must make you sad.
Humans cannot simply be.
Events construct emotions.
Right?
Something must be wrong with her-
An extra something, making her disturbed.
Removing that will fix her, yes?
An extra foot of hair- watch it fall from silver sheers;
an extra twenty pounds- watch as each disappears;
an extra pint of blood- feel it evaporate with old fears.
With everything wrong now gone there is no sorrow.

Sadness is not replaced with joy,
it's not replaced at all.
The hollow void must be filled somehow.
Something must be wrong with her-
A missing something, making her incomplete.
Adding that will fix her up, yes?
One more earring- a small silver pin;
One more scar- a memory on her skin;
One more boy- feel him feel her in sin.

Addition and subtraction won't make a person whole,
but it's too late now for her to walk away.
She's started a complex equation
and will never see the solution defined.

So happy
Yet secretly so dark

So loved
but yet she hates herself

Shes like every one else
But yet so different

All i want to do
Is to eat
Like a normal human
I don't understand
Why they chose me
To get trapped
By this evil
Blood *******
Weight obsessed
Demon
In my head

My illness is in my eyes:
Do not judge me by my size
Or the normality of my thighs

My demons live in my heart,
And show themselves in part
In my all-consuming scars

But just because I seem fine
Don't presume I'm happy inside,
Or that I'm really alive;

The darkness lives within
My pale and common skin,
Driving me to destructive things

My faltering smile should be
Some clue to what haunts me;
Do not believe that I am free.

You'll see me eat and laugh,
But positivity will never last;
My sadness is not in the past

Eating disorders are not skin deep,
For when I'm tired I cannot sleep
I have many secrets to keep.

*© Tara India

I'm used to my life
Fighting to keep friendships alive
Why can't i just be normal
Ana is my only friend
Who keeps me in line
A person in my head
Is my only friend
Totally lost my mind
To what i seek
I want to have friends
That stay
Like everyone else
Why is it so hard?
I don't understand

This is me
As raw as i can be
Feeling like a zombie day after day
Not eating
Waiting for the number to change
Stuck in my false reality
That i will ever be pretty

Ana that's her name
She's my friend
She's everywhere
Inside my head
Telling me to do things
When will me and Ana
Breakup?
I used to like her
Now i hate her
Scared of her
And i can't make her
Go away
Please help me
Please make Ana go away

I most deeply want to find
Love and friendship
When i would understand
If they didn't
The little voice in my head whispers
"You don't deserve to be loved"
"They're only putting on a act, they're just pretending"
I'm scared to get close to anyone
They always find a way to slowly
Slip away from what we once were
Because that's all
I've ever known
I'm sorry
I might leave you
Before you leave me
It's easier that way
So i don't have to endure the disappointment
Once again

Broken mirror on the wall
Tell me what is real
And what is not
Pick up the pieces of glass
On the floor
And fix
My distorted image
Or can you even
Pick up the pieces of glass
Broken mirror?

I'm starving
So very hungry
"You can't eat" says Ana
Me- "oh yeah i forgot"
Ana- "you can eat but when i say you can!"
Me-"okay"
Wallowing in hunger
Scared that if i disobey
Ana
I will get punished
The punishment
Is gaining weight
"Can't gain weight" i say
"Good girl" says Ana

Bones like in a cemetery
Among the living dead
Only now the bones
Are walking
And functioning
A human skeleton
Or as some say
A walking skeleton
The ghost is anorexia
She has taken over me