The pharmacist at CVS says I am not prescribed an inhaler anymore.
so in it's place.
I prescribe myself cigarettes

I need something to inhale
cigarettes seem a logical alternative to inhalers

deliberatly I decide to not drive
to the cigar store.
i walk to the cigar store.

it is far enough to be inconvenient
which means maybe
If I am not destined to buy this cigarette
I will receive an overwhelming sensation to turn back

I always add time for potential divine intervention to my agenda.
It happens often enough to be logical

we may have different definitions of logical

the cashier asks my age
And I tell him 21.
I am 22.
somehow In the confusion of waiting for god to prescribe me an overwhelming emotional reaction to not buy cigarettes
Instead of an inhaler.
I forget a whole ******* year of my life.

this is great context for
How I trust myself when making decisions.
which is to say
I don't trust myself to make descisions.

I buy the cigarettes.

upon searching for the optimal location
to loiter and slowly **** myself.
I stumble upon the old teen center.
the first place I was a mentor.

Out the side of the building
There's this rock
Long enough to sit five or so children
two laying down.
it's Perferated like a candy bar
each rectangle curved slightly
custom fit to years of munchkin ****

this slump right here
this slump is my munchkin ****.

each break of chocolate
on the candy bar rock
has a ladyslipper growing behind it.
tips of the five purple flowers
stretch to align perfect with the tips of our childhood belly buttons

humbled, I brush the leaves
excavate delicately
this heirloom.
I had forgotten.

The sky is recovering When I lay myself on the rock.
light grey clouds that want to cry
an optimistic sun that won't let them

I Cover my face with an old journal
made of old book smell.
I smile into the pages.
my lips barely touching the silk threading of her binding.
I've never breathed so intimately
a new lover.
the tip of my nose tucked into her spine.
honeymoon phase, Intoxicating.
Still excited to be in love.

there's breath here
wisdom in the records of
loving young,
cherrishing this new book smell.
Filling your chest with it.

When memories are tangible
There are no more expiration dates

Fill my lungs with
the crisp of unturned pages,
worn leather covers
Soft silk crosstitches

Kiss air into me
from the space between your lines.
I know how intimate an untold story can be.

Today I started breathing
I fell in love With a metaphor.

I never did smoke that cigarette.

She chose
pizza over salad,
fries over boys,
books over looks,
actions over promises,
mountains over money,
oceans over tears.

Perhaps one might wonder why the world is filled with people whose only emotions are hate and rage...

Where have those that care gone you might ask?

*Oh they are still there, they just hide from those that hurt them.

Poetry should not sound like a fortune cookie.

Did you know,
life is a gift meant to be unwrapped
every morning with gratitude?

Did you know,
that the veil of forgetting who we are
is now being lifted to enjoy life.

Did you know,
that every breath is an opportunity to connect
to the wisdom of the universe?

Did you know,
you are sacred like everyone else
which means one needs to honored self and all?

Did you know,
that trees carry wisdom and are willing to share
if you ask?

Did you know,
that earth is alive and our ally
along with the other creatures that inhabit her?

Did you know,
miracles are here right now
if you believe and open to receive?

Did you know
birds sing an original masterpiece
every day and time they sing?

Did you know,
that life is eternal
and our thoughts shape this lifetime?

Did you know,
that it is time to do what we came for
to align with love and live in peace, harmony, and abundance?

Did you know,
it is our birthright to live in
peace, harmony, and abundance?