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 Jun 2014
wes parham
This stupid book has nothing to offer me
In eight pages on stiff paper board.
The pictures are saccharine,
A fat headed boy
In colorful clothes
Shows us what he can do.
How could I see the value
In knowing this simple stuff?
I’m too far removed from my point in time
When “jump” and “run” were just sounds,
When jumping and running were just what they are,
Far removed from the labels we gave them.

So it comes to this: this stupid book
Among all of God’s ink-sodden paper,
Is an achievement of gold,
the height of literature,
a swell in my throat,
When you brought it to me
just today, and said,
“dada”
“read”
I never liked reading that book. When my daughter asked me to read it specifically, I knew it wasn't because it held some special place in her toddler heart. She wasn't talking much, but she said those two words to me, holding out that stupid book, and I realized why we read together. It's to BE together, *******, just as much as anything. I understood so much in that moment.
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 Jun 2014
wes parham
Do you see yourself there,
In this life that you've made?
Arcs traced, just so, by the motion of eyes?
The flicker as they search, the pause before they rest,
The metrics of biology, could they possibly tell?
Whose child was whose,
and what they were thinking?
My children's eyes fascinated me when they were infants, the consciousness burning so bright within.  I wanted to know what experiences sounded like to them, pristine and yet disconnected from the source from which we all derive being.
..read here by the author:
https://soundcloud.com/warmphase/the-lights-of-fires
 May 2014
wes parham
Take countless photos, when the mood so inspires.
You may as well have not even thrown the shutter.
For the things that move you right in this moment,
Will not adhere to the chemistry of film
Will not flip one single electronic switch
Cannot be stored, except in the mind,
(A shoddy storage medium)
For the sight of your face,
Your beautiful otherness
Mingling with me in the air in between us-
( As you try to pick my nose… )
Your head is on my shoulder,
Heavy with sleep
And trust, always growing,
As your eyelids drop lower
My arm, sore, bends to raise you up.
I’m relishing the time
To be quiet, close, and still.
When I can find, in my heart,
All the words that mean something,
Not tossed about casually, in the noise of the day.
Children turn you into a media machine, hell-bent on capturing the way you feel all the time.  Give it up, it's impossible!  Seriously, though make sure to enjoy the moment and don't miss it by trying too hard to preserve it.  The title refers to blue lines used in old technical drawings that were, essentially, invisible to a camera when you went to photograph the drawing, but still visible to the eye.  That is, something impossible to capture.
Read here by the author:
https://soundcloud.com/warmphase/non-photographic-blue
 May 2014
wes parham
Young, you watch the wheels, mama's car reflects the sky.
Turning,  shifts the scene across the glass as she drives by.
Good-bye for now, good-bye until the dusk begins to crack.
Hello is payment for the night to ransom her hugs back.

Young, the wheels are slowly turning on a new red trike.
Older now, two wheels race beneath a brand new bike.
Two and three wheels' independence foreshadow what's in store.
The freedom found in two wheels, three, compared to that in four.

Drive away, the day was always waiting in my heart.
You drive away, this is the task I took on from the start.
That once you knew  enough to really take care of it all,
To seek the challenge of the world, to fly, and hurt, to fall.
To measure all the joy and pain, the cost from what was free,
I hold you close, but teach you how
to drive away from me.
Here's one more paradox about parenthood.  
Our whole goal as parents is to make sure that, one day, these little people _don't need us.  It's bittersweet, because your pride in their independence contrasts with the love and holding close that helped them learn confidence, compassion, and strength.  I can barely read this without weeping.  **** changes you, man.  At the core.
I am afraid that I might hurt you when I carry you
That these hands – tired, calloused, and clumsy
Might not know how to hold a gift as precious as you
Son, I wish I could show you the beauty of the world
Sneak out of the house after dinner, away from your mother
And watch fireflies while listening to the chorus of crickets at night
I wish I could answer all your questions and sate your heart’s wonder
Catch a dew as it rises and trace its path as it falls again as rain
I want you to open your eyes
See a much brighter world; not like mine which is perpetrated by my silly fears
I wish God would give you great hands
One that would be so powerful that it would not be afraid to hold a basketball or a bicycle
But one that is gentle that it would hold mine and not let go as I grow older
How I wish, as you grow older, to give all of these to you
But son, how can I teach you of courage and valor
When inside your father’s chest beats a heart of a fearful dog; cowing in terror
You deserve someone who has a heart of a lion; brave and strong like a true champion
Still, I see you as possible
I need to see your smile to dispel my many terrors
I need to see you get up when you stumble so that I may let go of my failures and always move forward
I need to see you sleep so I may sleep
Need to see you cry so that I too can cry
I want you to like me
To see me
To see me now, in moments like this
Your father stays awake, gazing at your sleeping face
Fumbling as he reaches down to carry you
Being ever so gentle so that you might not wake
I am still afraid that I might hurt you as I carry you
But I need to feel the warmth of your skin
Like my breath needs air to live for
*10:18:08.23:30
Hi guys.  Allow me to narrate the background of this piece.  I'm neither married nor do I have a son. I was 25 when I wrote this. I was asked to perform for a concert for a community of abused children here in Manila, Philippines. They asked to write a piece about love for children and I thought, why not write a poem for my future son.  :) I do hope that I'd have the chance to read this poem to my soon when time comes.   :)
 May 2014
wes parham
Perhaps you’ll remember,
though most of us don’t
recall our earliest days.
What relative scale could you use
to describe the things you saw
and the things you felt?
It seems too unreal for a mind
you would one day call mature
and an intelligence
deemed sufficient.
If you could, would you choose,
and what would you find,
if you could retrieve these moments?

when a warm, familiar heartbeat
kept reassuring time,
in a comforting bed at blood temperature,

when hands twice your size
would cradle you completely; move you
from bath to crib,

when loving giants would come
when you called,
to sing or to soothe your pains,

when sleep held dreams of this and more,
in a language we all have spoken,
Beautiful to hear, forgotten on waking
As I struggled with the challenges of being a new parent, I imagined what the perspective might be from my infant daughter's mind.  I wondered what she thought of us, how she would describe us once she could do so in our language.  I say "our language", since the mind must be forming thought before language comes around, some ur-language of the collective conscious mind.  The phrase "loving giants" kept coming to mind, since we must seem colossal to a newborn as we move them about, cause some discomforts, alleviate others, as we sing and laugh to let them know they are safe and cared for.
Read aloud here by the author:
https://soundcloud.com/warmphase/loving-giants

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