There'd be no need to bleed
a pen of its ink
if only I had the ability 
to decipher what I think.

In front of the mirror
Talk with the alter ego
Always with you
But the mirror mirrors it
Projecting the soul
Being very candid
Unnerving at times
Is that what you are?
Emulating your thoughts
Entrenched deep within
At some corner of your heart
The mirroring mimicry
Of you, via the alter ego
Leaving you naked and exposed
The psychological drama unfurls
Comprehending your psyche
Are you caught unaware?
By the awareness of the mirror
Inadvertently, we mirror our thoughts
Are you ready to face yourself?
It’s the toughest of all battles
So, hold some positive thoughts
As the mirror can proclaim you the fairest of them all
The unbiased verdict of the mirror


© Amitav (Radiance)

Being a woman is hard.
Actually,
Being a woman
You expect me to be
Is hard.
Being who I am,
Well now,
That's really easy.

So society tells me
I should be thin
Maybe look like 'em supermodels
I guess since
That's not happening
I'll go drown my "sorrows"
In a box of ice cream.

Be beautiful
By putting all that mush on my face?
Sorry, no thank you
I'll pass.
I'll be me with all my spots, marks
Freckles and all.

Because you see,
What I am,
Well the genes,
Were handed to me,
By the two most beautiful people
In the world,
Yes, freckles and all.

I am independent
I am smart
I dont need to look like a clown
To please your senses.
I'm much more than
What's on the surface.
So if you wanna like me
Its a package deal,
Freckles and all.

Your reflection is in the water
Stir the water and it gets distorted
The ripples carrying away your image
Leaving you defaced for a moment
As if a part of you is washed away
Cleansing you of your previous self
Giving you a new lease of life*

© Amitav (Radiance)

You slipped off my wings and made me human again.

I am working on freedom
But it's a work in progress
As much as I try and convince myself
I know I'm not ready. Not just yet.

To take responsibility,
For my safety and health,
To pick up a fork and keep down its wealth.
To prepare myself a meal
To allow myself to heal.
To put down a razor and use a different technique
Maybe one day,
But at present I am weak.
To walk innocently
Not compulsively.
To tackle negative thoughts in a productive fashion
One day will be the case
When I have the compassion.
To love myself like I do you,
Will take a long time to do.
To allow myself to make,
An error, a mistake
Without having to dance with my self defeating thoughts
I'm not quite out of those courts.

I am working on freedom
But it's a work in progress.
One day ill be ready. Just not yet.

I bit open a lie and it tasted like you.

It’s colorful of all the seasons,
Rejoice for many reasons;
Get drenched in bright colors,
The rhythm of nature has wonders,
Dance to its tunes in ecstasy;
Create a world with humane fantasy,
The time to turn dreams to reality,
Rise above all hurdles and frailty;
Let the vivid colors of spring blossom,
As a painter, add some colors to the macrocosm.

© Amitav (Radiance)

to everyone who's calling me....*i am no longer the person you're looking for.

We're dying to live and yet we're living to die.

Every body's talking but i can't hear a single thing.

Write me a meal plan in bright red pain
And tell me this is the answer to all my problems again
Force down a tube through my nose and into my stomach
And watch as I flummox out of control
Fill this gaping hole inside of me
With drugs and sedation
Numb out pain and realisation
Force feed me promises and a smile
Only to regress back in a while.
Fill these cracks
With temporary fixtures
Concoctions of pills and other mixtures.
Treat me with CBT and psychotherapy
Tell me one day ill be free
And maybe if you say it enough times
Ill start to believe it
As much as you say you do.