sunbeams fall across my face
as I recall such regretted haste
of statically-charged, crystal ****, lightning shimmer
ice cold switchblade gleams in blue television glitter
raising hell in my white nightgown, I drive fast
drinking ***, I'm not afraid to crash
Elvis in the mirror, Marilyn in the bed
fire shall consume me? well, devour me it has
for my soul is set ablaze when I dream of what I had
your pulse sends me lightyears away as I think
of all the times you brought me to my knees
prison calls from mid-July still ring out in my ears
the longer that you stay away, the more you feed my fears
cigarettes burning, neon palm trees, bikini ******
Jesus pleads with me to no avail, "don't go further,"
but I am God now and I crave your touch, daddy
though you're gone forever, sadly
******'s gone and snatched you away
forevermore my skies will be grey

stop haunting my dreams
please let me be
your spirit still holds me hostage
and while you remain to be
the only one on Earth for me
what I can't have will **** me
surely

i no longer have anything to lose
and that makes me dangerous
for i am reckless in what i choose

you broke me bad, darling,
and now i teeter on the edge
floating faster, faster, faster to my demise

headlights pass and time stands still
my mind's been blown by an urge to live
that terrifies me into complete submission

my head is in the clouds
as john speeds in and out of traffic
but i am not afraid of what could be

tommy's got his shotgun out
and i'm bleeding now, but still devout
in my new man's little church down the street

jesus calls me from the stars
and pleads with me to slow down the car
but i don't know how so i just scream

my liver is muddy and my mind is fried
i'll take anything to ease the pain of what you've done
and i'll do anyone, including your best friend

i thought you'd be my valentine,
first time in my life, no big surprise,
but you left my heart shattered across the sky

the road is my home now
and stranger's beds are where i lay my dizzy head
dazzled and confused

it was always meant to be this way
but it's easier for me to say
you were the reason for my sweet, suicidal decay

and now they've left you all alone
and you're blowing up my phone
for a piece of heaven, for a diamond covered bone

but i can't let you in again
i can't let you win
yet i take another shot and sell my soul

it's a thirty minute drive
from your house to mine
and yet you make it every time
to feel the heat between my thighs.

you are nineteen and i
am a small seventeen,
but that doesn't stop you
from lying to me everyday.

i used to be beautiful once,
a real dime they used to say,
but now i'm used and rotten;
only my youth and *** appeal remain.

he likes to watch my hips
shake and shimmy against his touch
and put me in his movies
that his friends all pay to watch.

did i know that john would ask
if i wished to be his twentieth?
why, yes, my dear, i did;
he asked me last june the same way.

you've got too many films
with me in the starring role.
i'm far too young to make them
and you are far too old.

come inside, i know you're dying
to see your movie queen.
did you bring the stuff;
the liquor and the ****?

there's a teenage devil in my bed
who fills my flying head like
heavenly smoke with dreams of
black tiger stripe bruises that
slowly slink their playful way up
my siesta key tinted thighs

i'm tired of fighting, darling
my only wish is to get high
and give to you my lush cherry pie
but you roll con los bloods
and the look you're giving me
screams like sirens that i'd better run

i can't stay here where you
dream that tu eres mi amo
but i don't want to leave because
your big puppy eyes feel like home
if you only knew what i felt when you
swung your scarred fists or your hips

teenage diablo, eres mi rey,
mi tigre, your calendar kitten is calling while
white crystal **** sunshine illuminates
your pearly white fangs on this
lovely american birthday
i think i'll love you forever, daddy

something about your restless sighs and
that rock solid grip you maintain on my hips
melts my body into yours until all that
remains of me is a soft, purring song and
a high-pitched whine drowned out by those
low groans that make me promise not to stray

you feel like heaven
between my thighs
when you fill my soul
stars form before my eyes
the way you breathe is intoxicating,
primal and raw in my ear
the way you hold me is maddening,
so close to you and dear
the world melts away
when your lips meet mine
or you catch my Monroe gaze
i'm in love with you Mr. Ocean Eyes
you taste like sin
and the trouble i'm in
i'm drunk off the way you speak to me
so fast and cheap
i miss your hand clenched
around my frail throat
and your hotboxed car
filled to the brim with smoke
Daddy, don't be mean
you're forever my King
no need to doubt my loyalty
when pretty kitty treats you like royalty

they say Hollywood legends
never fade from gold,
and we know Florida's coast
will never grow cold.
I wrote you pleading letters
and to my surprise
you returned them all
with summer's untimely demise.

Honey, where'd you go?
my Love, where do you hide?
you spend every day away
with no breath of goodbye.
you fed me pearls of promise
and chased them down with wine.
I'm not ready to leave just yet,
but I'm running out of time.

I know you loved me once,
you're not that bad of a guy;
you're held with such high regard,
yet the games you play really break my heart.
I should've known you were lying
when you came back around
saying I missed your bed like that;
I know what you're trying.

I can feel you leaving again
and my heart is broke;
what I thought would be beautiful
was just a shot in the dark.
I hope you'll be happy
with another beauty at your side,
but she'll never match my boriqua
or cast my longing gaze your way.

when i was eight

my mother and i
left my ****** father
after our bar play date
and here i am now

reliving their mistakes.
i wonder if they felt the same way?

i had a boy
who i had dreamt about,
who melted away my fears
and showed me how to be devout,
but i left him,
my willing victim,
for a man who breathed my name
and believed me to be the same age
as his brother,

his juvenile brother;
and he thought it was quite alright
to sneak a peek upside
my pleated skirt

with his camcorder
and sell what he had found to his friends.
boy, that's tough.
what i once thought was love
became a funhouse maze of
broken trust and confusion
mixed in with potent smoke

and i at seventeen became the underage joke
that he sat and laughed at
while i grasped at the ledge,
tried to pull myself up,
and the boy i had loved
heard about my new crowd
and left off to college without a single sound.

he wouldn't have me
and neither would the man
who choked me out with his blood stained hand.
now i lie in his bed and cry
for i have lost everything i had
all because a blue eyed boy
promised me everything he had

and i believed him.

you don't even know how
much it pains me that you
can't see any beauty in the world
even though you have me,
your girl to shelter and mold.
you're always making excuses
and promises you can't keep
while expecting me to be true;
i know you don't love me.
at one moment there was the
faintest glimpse of love in your eyes
which faded to a glimmering
lightning bolt of lust.
the way you used to feel
is dead like my spirit and i'm
so close to putting you back on
the shelf from which i found you.
you do nothing but waste my time
and soak my face with tears.
my wedding dress is tattered,
daddy, you left me cold and blue.
if you no longer want me, my god,
i'm begging you just say it so
i can mourn your poor existence
and find my smile once again.

they all tell me i
should leave you there,
but i'm too attached to go.
you loved me once on
the siesta key beach and
you promised me things
on my living room carpet
after we made love.

what happened to the man
who called me beautiful and
stayed up to see the sunset smile
on my golden flesh?
where did you go, my love?
i don't enjoy the slow
saturation of nectar tears
that trickle down my
cinema blue beaten face.

if i wanted to be used like
a piece of average teenage garbage
i would've stayed with the
drunken football player
or the alcoholic parolee
that loved me on a sheet next to
the street barely hidden by cars.
you're so worried about my past
that you can't see the blinding present.

my biggest regret was slipping you
into my ****** kiss the first time
i snuck out into the velvet night
to get a glimpse of you.
tell me, what makes you different
than ------ or ----- or ------?
you're just the same and as much of
a creep as ------- was.

you make me feel like i'm dreaming,
like i walk in a haze and i'm
tired of feeling crazy, summer stranger.
your threats don't frighten me
'cause they're emptier than your hollow ribs.
i'll call you when the moon rises and
the sun rules the tides or the bible parts
the seas the way you once parted my thighs.

go ask ------ if i care.
ask her if she'll let you
slip inside while you're at it;
tell her that you love her
two weeks in.

you're too rough and
the polaroids you took
left me with black
tiger stripe bruises on
my sarasota gold tinted thighs.

everyone i've talked to,
everyone who knows you,
warned me that you were a creep.
but how could a darling angel
turn out to be such a freak?

you're suffocating like his
smoldering cigarette smoke
and you choke me out with
your big macho paw just
the same way he did last december.

i am not a possession;
i belong to no one and
i surely don't belong to
a tall, lanky creep like you.
do you hear me?

i'm a young teenage girl with
ribbons in my hair and bright
white ruffled socks pressed
into the carpet; have you
forgotten that little fact?

you were all to eager to pummel
my juvenile cherry pie raw,
but you were only ever focused
on your singular, deviant,
carnally charged pleasure.