I live in my head
I have my own room there
My own bed
Where I do my best thinking
Where I am most comfortable
It keeps me up most nights
Making to do lists and analyzing
conversations from days before
Daydreaming about everything
Some of the thoughts I have
are down right crazy
So crazy that it must not be me
there must be other people up there
and hell not just a room but a whole house
with several rooms and several conversations
I can envision it clearly
Sometimes I stay there for days
The lights are on
My shades are open
But no ones home
I do return to the real world and have
real conversations but seems like I
Always return to my head
Where I live
In my own room and my own bed

I am not me like what you want me to be
        I am here like you always wanted me to be
How could I ever be me, the me I want to be

I’m tired of you, tired of crying in the dark.
pretending at the park
                - watching people talk with voices that barks
I feared it will spark an awful reaction stark
So I build an ark -
Sailed away into far,
                      far - dream land
where prejudice & judgment is not in our hands
but in the all caring higher being's commands.

Then again reality is never like that,
So I hide, I stumble, and I fall
     into the gray solace of my patience
The higher being cares, yet you need choices
to stay strong - fight and survived
                        until blessings comes along
                                and heal the dying soulful song.

© 2013

PART I

Hey! Ladies & gentlemen!
All you girls and boys!
Put away TV remotes!
You have *some NEW TOYS!

We have a job that's just for YOU!
It's easy! You can TRY!
WE WANT A PERSON IN THE GRAVE...
Just hear our slanderous LIES.

You know that woman over there?
She don't do as she should
She's had a hundred boyfriends
What's more she beats her kids!

You know that guy downstairs from you?
Investigation's goin' on
Law Enforcement knows about it
MOLESTING KIDS IS WRONG!

NO! DO NOT CONFRONT THEM!
WE have a way to delve
Heaven forbid they know you KNOW
So they DEFEND THEMSELVES!

No. We'll do it THIS way...
We'll do it real SLY
Don't worry bout a thing my friends
Don't matter how they CRY...

Just go ahead and spread the WORD!
Tell everyone! Their friends!
I'll teach you some OTHER TRICKS
To help make their life END.

If we do things all just right
Use my sadistic guide
You'll see that we can cleanse our world

BY THEIR SUICIDE.

Don't worry. It'll be easy.
It's quite simple to do
You will find that you won't mind...

BE GRATEFUL IT'S NOT YOU.


SoulSurvivor
(C) 3/13/2017

****** and bruised,we hold our heads up high.
We keep blocking the noise inside our heads by cursing at the sky,singing the anthem of the ******.
Hell bound,we only pray for things we need to make us feel alive.
Only when tucked in "I love you's" or "I'm a mess" do we say "God".
We keep committing crimes,using our sob stories as our excuses.
As if your bruises and wounds are enough to provide vindication,
As if our pain could justify our sins.
Neglected social casualties,we glorify our alienation,use our insecurities as weapons and wound others instead.
I'm sorry because we can't be saved.I'm sorry because we are told that,"it's all in your head".I'm sorry because growing up means succumbing to the cancer that is life.
I'm sorry,I really am.

My faithful lover of all these years
He never did once leave me,not even in my sleep
Some days, his presence would be less felt
But he was always there
Occupying the empty space on my mother's bed as she wept for the man that would never return
He was always there
In the pages of her journal,a collection of her madness further confirming his existence
He was always there,
A voice in the shadows,echoing words of poison that infect each and everyone of us with hate
He was always there,
Resting inside me or the body of another;a temple he'd trespassed and made a temporary home out of
He was always there ,
Lifting yet another glass of wine for my father to drink
He was always there
He never leaves
He rests in my bones,he is alive in your eyes
He lives by feeding off the silence in between apologies and desperate prayers
Your sobs and cries,music to his ears
Your tears,a sea for him to bathe upon
He is the ramming in your ribcage,he is the pain in your chest when it hurts too much and you can't breathe
He is the thief that robs of you of sleep
He has always been real
He has always been here
Patiently waiting for another prey
But even if he finds another
He'll always be my faithful friend and lover

We are not worlds away ,in fact,we exist in the same and perhaps we each just occupy too much space,perhaps we cannot be together without suffocating one another.
Because I will always be too much for you as you will be for me.I will always be too young and too innocent.
Maybe even too pretentious,too disgustingly happy or too much of an overthinker.While you will always be too far from my grasp.You will always be two steps ahead of me.You are a drifter,despite your tendecy to easily get attached to people and things like me,you always have your eyes set towards the horizon,to the future that maybe.
Even now,when we are in the same city I feel as if we are already continents apart because despite our close proximity to one another,there is a universe between us.
And I want you to know that if one day, that universe decides to stretch out itself too far that not even the magpies of an ancient Chinese fairytale cannot help us shrink the distance between us,I will still be here,I will always love you in the way that I have always had and can—almost. It wouldn't be enough—it never is—but it is a comforting thought to know that at least we had tried,just not enough and that is okay.We will be okay. And I truly hope that I became significant enough in your life for you to be able to remember that I could have loved you and that I will always cling to that idea.Maybe in another world,in another time,an another me—more mature,better in every possible way and worthy could love you.In the meantime, I will numb whatever it is that has been killing me inside for the past few months,set my eyes on the horizon and meet my supposed future—one that doesn't include you and I know it sounds excruciating for my part but I have concluded that maybe it is what is best for the both of us.You could do better,everyone else that would even dare look at me does.I am not the kind of person you'd fall in love with.I am not the the kind of risk you can take.I am bad news and crap I want to be better for you but this is all I can manage to be.So,for the nth time I am sorry and I hope you remember I will always almost love you.I could have loved you if the Universe had let me.
-W.L.A.C.

I cannot lie,the city will always have my heart
And I will always stretch out my arms towards the Great Perhaps,
Towards the wide cerulean oceans,the grassy plains and the freezing mountains
For I long to be free—not the kind of free you made me feel,the kind of free I need to be because I am trapped,crushed under the weight of existing
But always remember that you have always been and you will continue to be,my home
There are spaces in my heart left for you to fill,
My hands will always long for the feeling you made me feel as I danced with your winds,
And my skin will never find another lover as great as your Sun—it will always miss the way your Sun kissed my shoulders,I will always miss the exhilarating feeling I felt whenever I ran chasing your Sunsets
And the rush I felt climbing your mountains,spreading out my arms as I stood at the zenith,wondering if that's how it felt like to fly
I will always miss your stars—they taught me how to love the night,taught me how to map out my dreams and plot where we'll be in your skies
I'm sorry I can no longer dance under your moonlight or play hide and seek with the little urchins
These days all that I hide from are the versions of me I try to bury deep beneath the bottom of my childhood drawer and all that kisses my skin is ink and sharp steel
And all that I feel when I stand at the top of the city's towering heights is the fear of free falling and the inevitable death of each and every piece of me left as I do so,as I let myself fall and sink into the abyss more
But I will climb back up again,I can and I will climb multiple mountains,travel a thousand roads and get lost in all of the cities of the world,I'll find myself and I won't be too afraid because I know I will always have a home
You will always be my home,will you?
-W.L.A.C.

They saw the world differently and portrayed it...

...جهان را جور دیگری دیدند و بر من تصویر کردند

Aristotle would've played a mean guitar , he'd pack 'em
inside Madison Square Garden for sure
Dropped down on one knee wailing a solo
Lyrics filled with forethought an innuendo , on a world tour with his
bass player Plato , the Beatles and Pink Floyd would've been
the opening act for this rock and roll dynamo*...