Thank You HP for the gesture
and compliment of the Daily

To each of you,
I am grateful for
your eyes, your time
your words nourish, console
and encourage the aspiring writer in me

I am grateful for your thoughts
and heart in comments;
jewels encrusted in the mind
beats in my writer's heart

Your interpretation of my work
opens the world; your work inspires me, you inspire me

You are energy
you are a gift and I am humbled
to be in your company

One hari, and his Reyna
Riding the chariot of
The otherworldly;



©Brandon Nagley
©Lonesome poet's poetry
©Earl Jane Nagley dedicated ( Filipino rose)

colorful paint
on a blue canvas

    runs
    down
    in
   strings

crossing borders
   & languages
flowing into hearts
   & minds

   slowly
      at ease

the bottom end
   of the canvas
   is not
   the end
of the message
          *
          *
          

By seven I knew I was different

By eight I thought I was weird

By nine I thought I was fat

By ten I thought I was ugly

By eleven I started to hate myself

By twelve I thought I shouldn't exist

By thirteen I wanted to die

By fourteen I began to selfharm

By fifteen I planned my death

By sixteen I was long gone

I think
I'm stupid
Ugly
Annoying
No one wants me here

But I'm too cowardly to do the deed
And leave this world forever

Yet you say
I'm beautiful
Sweet
Kind
And I should stay

And that it's cowardly to "run from my problems"
And leave this world forever


I think
It hurts too much
No one wants me
No one will help me
No one cares about me

But I'm too selfish to say goodbye
And leave this world forever

Yet you say
That the pain will pass
That you want me to stay
That you will help me up
That you care about me

And that it would hurt you if I "gave in"
And left this world forever

What I think
And you say,
Do not match

What my soul says
And my ears hear
Are very different

Someone must be lying
**And I think it might be you

Sometimes I think
I'm empty inside
Like there's a black hole
In my chest
Where my heart is meant to be

Sometimes I feel like
It's ******* the life out of me
It's stealing my energy
It makes it hard to breathe

Sometimes I wish
I was normal
And I had a strong beating heart
Where all I have is a evil black hole
That stole the innocent me

Sometimes...
No.
All the time

Put me six feet under
Away from all the noise
Where no one will hurt me again

Before I was born,
My mother wanted to name her child Kaitlyn
As the firstborn,
That should have been me

Kaitlyn was my mother's favorite name
But as soon as I was born
She looked at me
I just took one look
And realized,
I could never be her Kaitlyn

Three years later  she tried again
Now her Kaitlyn was born
A beautiful,
Happy,
Innocent little girl.

My mother calls me
"The trouble child"
I cause trouble
I am not good enough
I am not her Kaitlyn

Now I am named Nicole
My mother wanted her child to be Kaitlyn
She loved the name Kaitlyn
Was I not good enough?
Why was I not her Kaitlyn?

When I tried to tell someone how I felt
How I felt like a failure
How I didn't have a will to live
How I looked to the future,
And only saw pain

They said,
"You don't look that sad,
And anyway,
You're young.
You're probably exaggerating.
A young, healthy person,
Would not feel like that."

I know I don't look sad
I practice every day
So no one sees my pain

I know I am young
At least in years
But I have seen and felt
So much
In the short time I have been here

I know this.
But I am not okay.
I am not young.
And I am not healthy.

My heart, soul, and mind have aged
Far beyond my years

And I am not healthy
I have not eaten in days
3 or 4 I think
I did not sleep last night
And got less than an hour the two nights before
I slice my own skin open
To bleed the bad things out
And my mind has put me
On the verge of death
And taking my own life

Do you think that is healthy?

As for me being okay...
I think my tears and blood
Can speak for themselves