Curdled cream and three separate drafts of a memory I can't quite pen properly.
Disappointment inbound, pouring the first cup of freshly brewed coffee down the drain.
Had I checked the date this wouldn't have been a waste of $4; but a solemn reminder of analogies leaping from my brain.
Cycle of sleeping all day to lie awake during the nighttime, overthinking. Curtains of feeling bad about inability to wake normally, darkness of the evening encompassed I finally pull myself out of the bed.
Despite this current pattern, last winter undoubtedly worse with feelings of self destruction and loathing.
For currently I do not cry every waking hour, just wish I was different with no apparent response to change.
Cats continue to be stricken with yet another upper respiratory response to declined immune system of an exotic breed.
Lost debit card, jobless flounder.
No appetite or desire to binge eat for the first day of my existence.
Headlight reflections crawl across the ceiling and I'm suddenly five years old again, afraid of almost everything.
Summer evenings when the whipper-well called out haunting symphony of their nighttime songs.
I never quite believed they were birds, moreover monsters and I never heard those calls other than childhood.
My father outside, and I in the grass.
Childhood wonder as he climbed a ladder to retrieve me a piece of the moon.
Wide eyed awe at this miraculous feat, my father could reach the moon.
Unnoticed by young eyes, the moons sphere just out of reach by trillions of lightyears.
A rock plucked off the driveway.
He must've been proud of his farce, my bewilderment and excitement beaming.
I love you.
Twenty five years later, a memory I haven't connected to in decades.
Perhaps the next time I look to the man in the moon, I'll see your face etched softly on the surface.
That radiating glow reminding me things will be alright.
It's been an odd winter, my heart is cooled more than our weather as of late.
Somewhere through the forests of Sandilands Provincial forest a deer crunches across the snow.
Silence, except for its breath, a softness.
Trees encompass, nurture and protect.
You are home.

Bury me in the roses
Crimson as the color of blood
running through our veins.

Come to me in dreams, my love
Come with your beaming eyes and vengeful self.

Come to me in dreams and seal with a righteous kiss our meeting;
Releasing me from my agony

Bury me with your most kind caresses
And still lingering fears

—You don’t have to say you’re mine, you just have to say I’m free —

Bury me in roses
and forget me

                               no more.

my insides are rotting
my teeth have fallen out
my head is balding
im ugly, no one would love me

yet theres always that one person
who thinks your beautiful
despite being so flawed
be that person to someone

and both of you might find love

My sleep abandoned me
when being Awake greeted me tightly
into the needs of my babies

Now my sleep wanders alone
like a hungry dog searching for food

So at nights I chase my sleep
with whatever I can find in the fridge
but my sleep runs away
as soon as my babies awake

then...
was intangible
less than a spirit
its voice inaudible
color exited life.

now...
is truly tangible
a spirit with a bright aura
its voice so enticing and loud
that color is entering life again.

~
In depth of the mind oceans,
Disappearing pieces of light,
Leaving a man to emotions,
Bringing for human new fight.

In the dark pit of isolation,
Facing the shadow of past,
He who stands that duration,
The one is becoming steadfast.
~

~
And do you see that rusty steel
That doesn’t let touching your heart
Please share with me, what may you feel
If nothing ever makes you hurt.
~

empty tables filling the silent
rows on rows taking up time
shadows making conversation
hallways telling gossip
between the rain and the clouds
taking sips from my coffee
wishing it never ended
haunted cracked window panes
spilling fragments of light
reminding me slowly
I'm all alone in this one

to me,
you are
an art

                              to you,
                              I was
                              a tragedy