I should sleep
But it seems like I'm obsessed
Chasing away my own sanity

There are so many things I’m yet to learn
Ignorance I can blame on my youth
But often I realize how badly I’m lacking
The basics everyone else seems to know

What is the source of their information?
How can we go and call it common sense
Is there a manual I have somehow missed
A guidebook for a good way to live

Once did I find it and opened its cover
And I don’t dare to look it up anymore
But still in my dreams, I see the title
“In case your mother didn’t teach you”

I have always had this irrational fear
I would look at water and think I’m drowning
It’s not that I’m scared of the vastness of the sea
But I’m rendered weak under its calling

Every lap of the waves echoes my name
Like a treasure, luring me closer with its shining
Maybe there is no such thing as irrational fear
Perhaps I have just been waiting for the right timing

With shaking fingers, I pull myself above the fence
Time blurs, the seconds stretch right before I dive in
I think I always knew it would come to this
So, I’m no longer afraid as I breathe the water in

All the words in this world seem too narrow to describe the being that is me

So why put myself in a box when I could just choose to be free?

I hear whispers in the night. I yell, “Who are you?”
Only my own voice answers

I cross my hands and pray that what it tells me is not true
Why can’t I tell?

I must have gone crazy… Are the bruises on my skin new?
Pain I can’t feel

I see the world clouded, my view fading under dew
Who am I?

Sometimes the s in she gets caught in my throat
And the girl I’m about to see turns into a he

That one simple letter that I never wrote
Like its existence just embarrasses me

I’m just not quite there! I can’t admit it out loud
Because what if it makes them think I’m odd?

I’m too scared to let myself stand out in the crowd
To let others see how permanently I’m flawed

So, I choose my fears above my love for her
And pretend I’m something I never were

In the darkness of midnight, the moon turns away its face
I settle down behind my desk and write down my fate

I’ll form my sorrow in the shapes of lyrics and lines
Ones that won’t make sense in the bright morning light

The pen that bleeds ink made from my hatred and guilt
Words like stones that bring down the walls I have built

I’m the midnight poet, my safety the silence before dawn
So, at first light, all these thoughts will be gone.

I am my mother’s favorite daughter
The answer to all her wishes and dreams
A companion she couldn’t find in my father
Or at least that’s how it seems

I am the one she has spoiled rotten
The one who is always painted by greed
But the burden that comes with all I have gotten
Is that I’m never just allowed to be me

the burning hatred
has become all I am inside

it is rooted so deep
that from it I can no longer hide

because the malice
is suffocating me like a vine

I can’t even remember
when was the last time

there was a memory
I could proudly call mine

What if I never become more than I am now?
If I have buried myself too deep into the ground?

My promises of the future are just an empty vow
My dreams a flicker of life, that will never be found

I swear that I really gave life a shot, and I tried
But it seems like my lifeline got twisted and tied

So, when the silence falls, let me whisper my final wish
Allow me to admit out loud that I’m ready to quit

And just pray with me, that it will be quick