I'm flipping through the vinyl at the vintage record store even though I haven't a penny in my pocket to spend.

The owner doesn't ever seem to mind that I am all the time hanging out there browsing.

All the music of my life is there.

Sometimes it makes me sad;
Sometimes it makes me happy.
It always makes me feel something,
But it never fails to quiver my eyes.

I knew the band was touring.
I heard they were coming soon,
That classic rock salvation
Is the only thing that sooths.

I could have fell
Right to the floor,
When rock and roll
Came through the door.

Have you ever seen an idol?
I mean, shining like a god
In glistening southern heat?
I pray to God our eyes don't meet.

He had a flowing tunic,
And a top hat on his fluffy mane.
A small entourage was with him.
His eyes were above his darkened shades.

I gasped and said a swear word that I could not keep inside.
Over stacked of dingy cardboard boxes he saw me,
I tried to beg apology but could not speak;
My legs were petrified.

In my chest my heart was pounding,
Sounding like the beating of a drum that timed each step that he took, as he walked around the musical maze to the spot where I was frozen.

Have you ever met an idol?
Someone who is more than just a man?
Someone who has the message of a poet,
And seems to understand like no-one can?

I forced myself to look away,
Looking down to the floor.
I hate that in this moment
I am so vulnerable,
And I love that my nerves are open raw.

I cannot believe all I can do is panic
And I know he must see that I am pathetic.
My soul is naked in his sight.

I know there is no possible way
I can recover from my shame.
I tremble when he puts his hand upon my shoulder
And tell me he understands, that it's alright,
Tells me him in the eye.

I am so close I can see the pores between the stubble on his face.

He asks me how I'm doing, now.
I tell him that my brother should be the one he is meeting.
He is older, and better and more steady in his grip. My brother loved him first because my mother used to play his songs. That's how I came to love him, too.
My brother is more a man than I.

He tells me that my brother isn't here.
That this is just the way it's meant to be,
This charity, serendipity.

He tells me he is honored I'm a fan
Of his music, and he's glad I like the band.

He ask me if I'm coming to the show.
I change my gaze to see the band behind him.
I tell him that I tried, I really tried.
I wanted to so bad. I had no money.
I've been out here on the streets for quite a while.
And, God, I cannot feel this moment.
Everything seems like it's going.
I cannot help but give my life to him.

Take a breath, he calmy tells me.
He holds his hand out to the side.
He signals with his beautiful *******.
What is happening?

And I ask him

"Have you ever met an idol
Someone you wish maybe you could be?
Or were you always beautiful,
Never just a runaway like me?"

He put the tickets in my hand and
Folds his over mine
And takes my hand as if we were praying.
Nobody is a nobody,
His eyes said to mine.
I can see he knows I understand.

He told me that he looked forward to seeing me in the front row.

I lost myself in you.

I tried my best to be the best, for you.

I felt a loneliness each day as I'd wait for you to say hi, until I met the ones that helped my eyes to not cry.

I slowly overcame that rope that so tightly kept me attached to my bed, to dwell in the sadness I felt. The sadness you helped to grow.

I realized that I didn't have to be the version of me that worked with you the most. I could be the best version of me for myself, and not anyone else.

That was the moment I knew we didn't fit. It was all an illusion I had created in my head. So I wished you the best, and we said goodbye, and now to you I'll be remembered as "girl number five."

If girl number five could give you any kind of advice, she would tell you to get over all five of the girls you've had in your life before looking for number six. Maybe if you do that, six will be the one that fits with you.

I can circumvent your systems.
I can infiltrate your ranks.
I can pass inside the shadows
Quietly along your river banks.

Only in the shadows can you find me.
Come on in and see what you will find
In the places I have slithered into,
The darkest, cob-webbed courners of your mind.

Bring the noise in your head.
Let it splatter on the wall.
I can help you find the meaning
In the scramblings that you find so puzzling.

Lift your voice to the heavens;
Raise your fists at the gods,
If it helps you assemble
All the fragments of a life you thought was gone for good.

Take no more time
To wallow in your doubt.
Let's seize this moment
To figure it out.
The answers lie inside of you,
I can help you see your truth.
Together we will walk the path,
That winding frozen rivery glass.
I can melt your lonely frozen heart,
If you permit me just a start.

Anger has been your bridgroom
And you feed on the aingst.
You are as the speck of dust
Swirling in the sunny ray through the window blind.

So, suffer at your own will;
Hurt at your own behest.
Know that just outside the shadow
There is a hand that waits
For you to reach out for it's touch.

Take no more time
To wallow in your doubt.
Let's seize this moment
To figure it out.
The answers lie inside of you,
I can help you see your truth.
Together we will walk the path,
That winding frozen rivery glass.
I can melt your lonely frozen heart,
If you give me just a start.

I could write the loveliest poem ever,
A lonely dove went cooing by and by,
Yonder rill, yonder hill, yonder river,
Whilst it winged into a clear blue sky.
Lovely is the sky in her robes of blue,
Velvety blue I mean, as eyes of thine
Never bestowed upon any seraph,
That upon my soul kindled love divine.
I could croon the loveliest tune ever,
And whisper it upon rivers of time;
That fairly stream by and by forever,
A tune that in thy heart could ever chime,

  If only I could glance at thy bright eyes
  To once stray upon shores of paradise.

The last time I beheld her comely eyes
That are as halcyon as a millpond,
Thrice brighter than colliding galaxies
That proudly waltz upon heaven's compound,
Girthed I by a bizarre brume of dismay.
The same that once saw me as a lover,
Scowled as of a knight at his enemy,
Clouded with despair as wilted Stover,
Thus as tumbles a withered leaf to ground,
So dropped I unto my quivering knees,
Whispered a serenade in a soft sound
Fairer than of a zephyr to wild trees,

But she dimmed her novelty shine away,
Never to beam upon me since yon day.


**Kikodinho Edward Alexandros. 7th.Nov.2017. Jumeirah, Dubai.

Betwixt what is said
Yet not meant,
And what is meant
Yet not said;
There most love to oblivion is lost
Like as lonely leaves 'neath the **frost.