I'm feeling today that something is wrong
Bells are going off, it sounded an alarm
Talked to my friends, they're inside of my head
Here's what they told me, this is what's said

"what's left of your brain this is what we find"
"your thoughts where unique, they where one of a kind"
"But years of abuse"
"Has shook everything loose"

But something not right
No longer needing to fight
Feeling so free
How could this be

"Well, with that gun in your hand"
"You where off to a different land"
"we, your friends all agree"
"with that single shot you set us all free"
"You'll no longer be afraid"
"With your death, you where saved"

No more body, means no more deep scars
I can finally reach out and touch the stars
This realization was stunning indeed  
A wonderful feeling of final being freed

This silence is brutally violent
The voices in my head went silent
My thoughts continue to race
They stir no emotion, just empty space
A pulverized heart keeps beating
The thumping in my chest keeps repeating
The wells in my eyes have ran dry
No more tears will be cried
Not a thing to keep me reeling
No emotion, no feelings
I'm afraid I've succumbed
Laying on a bed of thorns, feeling nothing but numb

I've felt it coming on for days
That ******* Dog is on his way
Nothing I did made his course sway

Why can't he just slumber
But deep in his throat I heard that rumble
I know I'm going to take a tumble

On the sharp rocks of life I'll be dashed
A bone crunching crash
It'll be fast

He pounced on he this morning
Now I'm in mourning
I seen him coming I had warning

In his big strong jaws he'll rip me apart
He'll devour my soul, my heart
That will only be a start

As he guards my hole
Not letting me go
My agony grows

Little girl lost
Always paying the cost
Look where she was tossed

Close to death
A finale breath
Reaper's touch
A finale hush
Pain dissipates
In loved one's eyes reinstates

Inanimate smiles, like badly cut from
a magazine
                 photo
                         shopped
emotions that are moulded to the viewers liking.

This is how my empathy was shown for you
to
    see
          like I wasn't bothered by what you had done.


My face shone, like a shallow pool in the dark
with
     moonlit
              shadows caressing it and I was drowning.

Inanimate smiles, like badly cut from
a magazine
                 photo
                         shopped
emotions that are moulded after what you did to me.

I sit and wail
As memories of you swell
Threating to bring down the wall
As I remember your final fall

You fell right through my out stretched arms
I could not save you from your demons harm
I could not bring you back to me
Now your memories is all I have to see

I was so angry you left me here all alone
This cut is deep, right to the bone
A wound that will never heal, never become just a scar
As you now dwell amongst the stars

Now I find, I turn my eyes to the midnight sky
The tears rolling quickly and quietly as I cry
I'm searching for something left by you
A shooting star, a comet, a clue
Just to let me know your okay, that you made it through

That would make it worth our final good bye
Maybe then my tears would subside
Maybe then they would turn to silent sighs
But the pain will always be with me that is true
For my dearest friend, I will forever miss you

Till we meet again on the other side
There's one thing that will never die
It is constant, it will always be the same
My love for you will always remain

Is a desperate wish the heart makes
In want, of correcting life's mistakes

Standing in a harvested field, the sky touching the ground
Not a raise, a tree, or a hill to be found
A coal black cloud is coming down
Standing there head back, hoping in it's rain I drown
My heart is bleeding black
Everything from a young age went so off track
I am just the black sheep
I am just the freak
Watch me as my eyes leak
This lonely watch I keep
On my knees now I just weep
It's only sorrow that I reap
For a life lived amongst the ruins
Living under a storm constantly brewing
Daylight seeped through once or twice
Made the formless bleakness more than thrice
So I beg for no more light
It just makes it harder to fight
If blackness is where I'm ment to stay
Just keep the sun away

The ground beneath her is shaking
Her world again is rearranging
The stars and moon are falling, crashing to the earth
The sun to light had given birth
But the sun imploded
Leaving no motive
So there she stands in the inky black nothing
Eye's wide open, but seeing not a thing
No voices, not even in her brain
It all happened so fast it was insane
One minute a beautiful blue sky day
The next it all lay in decay
Blackness so heavy it's hard to move
But slowly she makes her way, she finds a groove.
In her pocket she finds the pills
To cure the oppressive ills
She finds a place beside a dark shattered star
Lies down beside it, they both are marred
She thows her arm around it felling only coldness
But at lest to something it is closeness
For love brought on this destruction
So from the dark star she will get her fluxion
Because it will never leave her side
As long as she has money to buy

I don't want to move
I don't want to breath, I'm in that mood
Just leave me here to die a slow painful death
Crying and writhing till my finale breath
That can't come to soon
My heart and soul languish in this doom
Dear Sweet Jesus please come and take me now
Please, oh please I can't take this could you show me how
How to end this suffering I've endured all my life
God you've only given me strife
I thought you was finally gonna let love and light into my life
Only to ****** it away in the end
God you're so cruel you where never a friend

She touches me and knows not why and that frightens her.
She's the only one that can make me cry, so she wonders.
How can I let her know I'm no threat just an admirer.
I only wish to touch her kaleidoscope heart as when friends confer.
Yet she watches me from a distance and that distance she keeps.
The longer she stays away the harder my battered soul weeps.
I have no dark motive nor any sinister plans.
Even if I desired, I could never be what she demands.
I guess convincing her of this is completely out of my hands.
So in the darkess corner of her mind is where I'll remain...is where I'll stand.

I fear every  tomorrow  
All my life it only brought sorrow

Tragedy on top of tragedy is stacked
I'm spread eagle on life's torture rake

The universe keeps twisting the screws
Will it ever be over,  haven't I paid my dues

Isn't forty years enough suffering
What other catastrophe is out there hovering

I fear the winds of change
Still I feel them just the same

For change has only ever worsened my plight
Agony always takes another bite

Look forward to tomorrow, is what is said
But I only see it in black and red