pulling you out of my seams
only to stitch myself up again.
tell me how to live off of my own nectar
when it's your honey I crave.
the body feels pain
but forgets it so quickly.
that's why while running to you
i'm never scared to skin my knees again.

We picked at each other like scabs.
Now all that's left are scars.

January fluttered by like the
'I love you’s' caught in her throat.
Cigarette embers of white smoke
shed on the coat tails of winter.
The morning frost licks her broken chest cavities
as blood bubbled across your wooden floor.
Warping wood of collapsing ceilings
crushed the life you sparked inside-
splinters too deep to pull.
I've never been a simple creature-
anxiously stirring in a silent house.
I want to tell you how I feel.
Compose it into a mellow tune
I want it to be soft and beautiful.
I hope we will meet under
the yellow kitchen light again.
But maybe,
you're gone forever.

I want to start over. I want to feel your eyes on mine. Feel like the moon connected to the tides.

Instead, you could slip through my fingertips at any second. A tide that never comes in once it goes out.

Honey only for my lips, and salt for an after taste. Loving you is a bittersweet thing.

With you, the ground felt solid
like I could pull myself from
this flooding basement, for good.

Skin drenched,
slippery shaking freezing skin.
You stretched your hands out,
held me till I grew warm.

The waves swelled
the surface grew rough.
With my finger tied to yours
you cut them loose,
left me to drown in myself.

How silly of me-
to think that I could flourish
in someone else's chest
when I can't stand
being trapped in my own.

Silly, silly, stupid girl.
You will always be alone.

Your bitter words make me
want to burn my tongue with tar.
It won't be these cigarettes that **** me-
but my family's words.

With your breath heavy from whiskey
you were never good after drinking a bottle.
Hot tears fall as you tell me to grow up.
I can't.

I keep
crushing my sunflowers in my palm.
Bleeding yellow and green earth
through white knuckles.
A gold that once littered our bedroom floor
between the articles of clothing.

I keep
praying for rain to quench the soil
but there's only deathly heat.
Apologies to the gods go unheard.

No one wants to listen to a girl crying
that her flowers are dead from the doing of her own hands.

We met between lipstick stained
beer bottles on the blue fabric sofa.

Struggling to hide the reasons for splinters and chapped lips,
fear slides over my tongue as I started to split open again.

Warning signs hang from her neck
of the broken heart clogging the kitchen sink,

he'll follow the footprints of others
through the broken glass without a glance. (Keep yourself safe)

But then, Saturday night in the dimly lit stairway,
you tell me to take my time,

not everyone is the same.
You would wait and prove it to me.

You kissed my scars and gave me band-aids
for the cuts, that hadn't quite healed yet.

It's been five months since I've felt like I'm drowning,
and you're the reason I can breathe again.

We gather our bones and piece them together
in hopes that sleep will cast over us quicker.
Across the sheets of making noises-
a dance of silently lying to the other.
Swallow down the awkward conversation
with coffee questioned how I took it.
A handful of brown packets in attempt
to make this morning taste less bitter.

Someone align
the stars of my chest.
Help me know how
to get from point A to point B.
Put me out of the waiting motion sickness
lost in the midnight darkness-
I can’t find the way home
without your hands as the North Star.

Wide eyes when I enter
into the dim lit porch.
As usual you were hiding
in the corner drink in hand.
Was it the past
that broke your palms
so now you don’t extend them?
Cracked ribs
beneath the cotton you wear-
everyone lives in fear
of skinned knees and bruised elbows.
What would your skin
reveal if it was marked
with my red lipstick,
like the necks of bottles
or my morning cigarette.
From the lavender dreams I live in
dawn always shines the brightest
and reminds me
that I will never know how your vertebrates
came to be.

- C.K

Nicotine words slide from your
sly smile and cunning tongue
through gaps of my teeth
cutting my throat like fiberglass
as I swallow.

It's worth the high the pain will give me,
sinking into your sandstone trap.
Those nostalgic feelings
of maroon Mercedes rides to the liquor store
with the wondering eyes of an older guy.
I wish I had known you better.

That was three summers ago, and today
your name doesn't have the same
******* feeling when it's said.
Now old enough to buy my own poison
at the liquor store, its no longer
your lips that I purchase to
get drunk off of.

We are the universe, can't you see
that we only create black holes
and matters of dark energy?

Star-crossed lovers
that gave ourselves
false hope and reassuring words
to feed off of.

We are the stars working
against our own relationship.
Foolishly tripping over our own feet.
While scaring our own wrists,
old practices of middle school days.
Bad habits to partake in.
(Shouldn't we have learned this already?)

Addicts trying to quit
but it's difficult
to see clearly when our skin touches.

Tasting you again is poison
and I know this
because you still haven't
learned to listen,
and I haven't
grown out of being a stubborn *****.

The august rain will fall
marking the end of summer
and the leaves will change colors.

And you and I burning stars,
will fade in the ever changing night sky.

Broken bones
of weak kneed boys scattered
in eyes of great empires.

Exploring forbidden roman ruins
sacred grounds of turmoil history.
Going to bed won't be easy
if I cause another casualty.

Words of my mother explain
for the fallen cathedrals.
Expectations were too grand
and so they crumbled.

Steps should be
calculated and careful.
My words should be
soft spoken,
to blanket heads in flowers;
she instructed.

My heavy footsteps are
to blame for fallen bricks.
My words, bees
that sting from passion wings.

As I explore broken bones
of the weak kneed boy sanctioned
in fallen empire sleep.

Snow turned into water
As clothes were shed
skin seen more often.
I lived amongst
Palm trees and clouds of smoke paradise
Returned to the mountains
found your lips no longer called for mine.
I asked you to tell me why
you reassured me not to worry.
Sunscreen perfume
ray-ban eyes.
Your skin a ghost,
your scent
cleaned from my sheets.
I don’t know the color of you eyes
I don’t know what
Your laugh sounds like
And you will fade
More with the seasons.

It's not the voices of my head
that keep me up til three am.
But my seemingly sincere
******* heart chanting;
he was worth it,
but you didn't give him a chance.
You locked all your gates
and never let him in.
Look at what you have done,
made yourself lonely and sad.
For what?
You lost another
beautiful face, says my head,
but you have never lost a beautiful soul
and that's the difference.

You begin to feel lonely
living in an empty house,
that is not four walls
but two eyes and lungs.
Vacant stomach full
of whiskey to **** the demons
dormant in your cells.

You fight her ghost
until 3am.
Driven by
your drunken stupor,
you call her.

Your dial tone
is just as detrimental to her
as hearing your voice.
But you call her anyways
trying to make yourself less sick.

You hold all the things she gave you
to your chest as you put the
phone down
and her voice-mail
plays in the background.

You think of the hope
that was in your eyes
when she looked at you
and saw forever,
replay the image and wishing
it would be there tomorrow.

Too selfish to let go,
so you still haven't returned her veins
that you have embedded into your own.

Those things of hers you guard
are parts of her soul.
But,
she has learned to replace
those parts you stole
with feeling indifference.

You call her again
blind to the scars
you have caused to her heart
because your own hands
are lush and green
from the energy of others.

You've,
depleted her of everything
and left a skeleton,
yet you have the audacity
to ask her
for her bones also.

Her voice-mail plays
over again.
As you try to fall asleep
with her ghost.

Winter howls,
her fingertips prying
to enter the spiral maze
we attempt to control.

Yet, green eyes between here and how.
Chalkboard road blocks
of reflected memories in painted warped lights.
Rushing winds of passing trains,
run free with wolves.

Ah, but our bones are steady and grounded.

Another's skin could answer
mind riddles
or slur truth, like the lips of bottles.

Houses full of empty people.
Holding their own souls
in vacant palms jars
waiting to learn to trust.

What lonely arms to cherish.

Guilty words slip
from her lips as
the glass slipper
shatters at her toes.
While yours,
finely skilled
slither between her hips
snake their way
to her heart and
pull strings connected.

She has choked on
these condescending thorns
weaving through the holes and
arteriole walls;
slowly killing her,
as smoke fills his head blind.

She took a bite of
the forbidden fruit,
while mystery tempos
flowed from fingertips;
his tongue
grew different voice roots,
they were studded
flowers of good intentions.

As the whitewashed winter cleared,
she rips all weeds
from this ribbed caged Crimson clay.
Free from the deterioration
of broken backbone promises.

Yet blind eyes stare at the
spring cleaned garden
and ask where the weeds went,
why she didn't keep them?
She answers with a deep breath
simply without choking on chains.

And here I am
explaining to you how you put
people in your sky who aren't stars.
Here I am curing at you
and making you feel like ****.
And there you are hoisting me up
and placing me in your heavens
and ending our conversation with,
I love you and I will
Forever.

Baby show me what home feels like.
This frozen town has never felt warm to me.
It's hard for me to stay.
When people think they know my name
from meeting my eyes once.
Think they know my story because
they heard my name whispered on walls
or maybe not at all.
No matter how many sugars I add,
this town will always
taste bitter between my lips.

If your arms are Boston, than I miss home.

1.You were my first love, I will never forget that summer. With the boy who always wore a Rockstar SnapBack and taught me how to skateboard. I told you I wanted to see your best friend. That was first time feeling my heart break while bleeding regret. I cried to mayday parade every night after. A few years later you chatted me and asked if you could be my first kiss. I'm glad you weren't. We haven't talked since and you can't be my first everything.
2. You were a rebel. You asked me to run away with you; we planed our escape to the mountains. You wanted to kiss me after you walked me home in the snow. I remember how cold my feet were in my converse. I ran away before our lips met. I didn't want you to take stars from my eyes like I knew you would. Somehow years later, you are still stuck in the same town while I ran 2,000 miles away to the mountains.
3. There was distance between us. But you always drove to my house in your beloved red Mazda. I wanted to like you as much as you liked me. You were the only guy to ever buy me flowers; they died just like us. I told you I couldn't be with you anymore; I know I broke your heart.
4. I swear you were fate. My judgement was cloudy from all the drugs you always had to give. I wanted to mend your life, I wanted to be your glue. But I realized I was just as broken but in different ways. As much as we wanted, we couldn't piece the other one back together with our shattered hands. I'm just ****** you can say you took my virginity. I hope it hurts every time you hear my name.
5. I never saw this coming. You were a Junior and I was a freshmen. You stole my first kiss; somehow I never forgot how your lips tasted. You were out of my league but you fell for me. I convinced myself it was just a summer fling. While you were saying goodbye to summer, I was boarding a plane. At the terminal you whispered you loved me. Now, you are the only one I can see myself with.

Scars on my arms
the ones I told you
were from the cats,
where to prevent those thoughts
from coming back.
But my demons
are starting to visit me more
during the day,
and it's so hard to hide
in sunlight.
I want to reach into my chest
and remove my heart,
but the shards stab me
I'm a danger to myself.
I want to rip
everything cased behind
my ribs with my finger tips.
I want to be empty
so there is nothing
left to destroy.
It's harder now,
to swallow down
the parts of myself
I can't seem to stomach.
I'm disintegrating
from the inside out.

Walking home under street lit lamps
my bitter lips told you to go back.
Anger burning in my eyes you could read
that I didn't want you near me.
Your toothbrush next to mine and
a drawer to call your own.
Sharing the same bed,
with nothing but naked skin and heavy breathing.
I thought love was supposed to be a constant variable in life
but I close my eyes and it's not you that I crave.
I am laced with guilt for not feeling the same,
I want those butterflies I got from kissing you
the first day you came.
You know every curve to my body,
you know how to touch me in the perfect way
and my skin does want you at times
but I still feel vacant.

Allow me to remind you,
that the sunrises are always
the most beautiful
when you are awake to see them.
Take value in those bewitching
fabrics of clutter, you wrap
your walls with.
For you are a skeleton;
empty and translucent.
There are no diamonds in your eyes
no sparks of fire when you laugh
because you are hollow bones,
marrow ****** dry.
Oh how my eyes deceived me
when we first met.
I think it was all of those
inflatables you bought me,
so I would also rest
on your surface.

Without you here
I'm homesick.
I can feel you fading
from my skin.

I fled to the bathroom.
Only to be reminded of
our first night together.
Your gentle hands
lifting me on the counter.
Intoxicating kissing
flush cheeks,
with shower steam
cloaked behind us.
I unhooked my bra,
and climbed into bed.
Half expecting you to be there
waiting for me,
like how you did
when I got home from class.
I wanted to be able to count
the stars on your skin.
I can't seem to fall asleep
without being beneath
your heaven.

Allow me to run my hands
over your muscles again
trace the outline of
the beautiful landscape.
Travel them with ****** eyes
like the first night
we held each other close
on my mothers cream couch.
I want you the same way.
Even though times are changing
and I am confident
that I am strong solo.
I am whole
when I'm with you.

Aurora glow created from
the fallen stars at our tiptoes.
Dipped in the dark waters
that hugged our pale bodies.
Dive into the fountain of youth,
the kaleidoscope of colors.
I lost my balance in the depth
of your ocean eyes; I drowned.
Drunk, craving the taste of your
peppermint tongue.
I fell in love.

Her hands are almost empty.
Her bouquet is not as bountiful
as it once was.
She has begun to hand out
her roses, as if they were mere daisies.
All that is left, are the throes
lasting impressions
upon her milk skin.
Time ago, she would have never allowed
for so many roses to be missing.
She craves the tender hands
whom watered her
and allowed blossoming
to appear in front of their eyes.
Before she held her ground,
roots as strong as the
ancient willow tree.
This time, she allowed
the poison of her own fears
to destroy the web she carefully constructed.
For the game she wanted to keep
was not going to get caught
in the same beauties.
Tears slide down her cheek
past her rosy lips,
the death of such a beautiful soul.
For maybe her own eyes
are the pair that
are able to properly
worship the fallen petals.

And I realized
with burning cheeks
with my head
above water again,
lungs full of air.
My life vest for
when the sea is
over whelming.
When the shore
is to far to swim.
I realized
when you grabbed
my faded blue
porcelain skin
and the flash
of my life
you drew me in,
between
life and death,
I realized,
that I need you,
So much more than
you need me.
I'm okay with that
as long as you
never outgrow me.

It could have been him.
Same tie dyed shirt
mixed with the smoke of
cannabus.
I loved him.
Isn't that why my heart fluttered
at the sight?
He was everything
I didn't want to be.
The dark side of my moon.
But during twilight
the bright side is only visible.

Summer mind falls inside
the body of the winter bed
Shiver from fall sneezes
creates charcoal spines to cringe.

Coffee doesn't linger the same
to far from the sea lips love
and the lost feeling of home
ocean life gone.

Hands caught searching
the vast golden home sky.

For no platinum fingers create
lasting impressions
upon your scarlet moon lips.
Embracing the wrong warmth.
Blame the lonely, ice cherry center.

Eyes tell long maybes,
the heart bleeds swords
skin remembers craving
burning fingers.

Tailwind hands
follow paper white
soul sheets,
darkness pulls
star trusted breath from
locked lungs.

You're bold eyes left words
your quite hands couldn't say.

I should have said it louder
so you would have understood
and your I'm sorry's mean nothing.
I should have pushed you further
But my bones were weak and hollow,
my veins were submersed in wine,
and the wall was so close.
Stolen in the twilight,
a few stars from my eyes.
They should have been closed,
locked away from your greedy palms.
Awoke with regret,
and a sinking chest.
Disgusted by the body I lay against.
So from under the bed
I grabbed my brown boots.
Without saying more then two words,
walked away from you.
Dressed in the outfit from the night before,
the walk back to my room never felt so long.
Walked up the stairs,
undressed from the sweaty mess.
Turned the *** and watched as
water poured out along with sliver steam.
Head first, so quiet and safe.
Like the one who is miles away.
I pulled my heart string
I heard yours beating in reply.
I remembered that
I was all yours,
and only yours.

I'm so lucky
to have you.

If I could extract the
evergreen envy from
the eyes of friends.
I would paint it between the lines
of the Sugar Maple tree limbs.

Tainted red orange leaves
of such trees is the end
of the sweet summer pollen.

For the apricot forests
and chilled mornings,
dipped into pumpkin spice lattes-
Leaves me knowing that
the everlasting sunsets
that we once held
is slipping through the cracks,
of our now frozen fingertips
and chapped lips.

From tank tops to
sweaters with holes
that my thumbs peek through,
as I grasp my tea where
the warmth of
your hands should be.

Traded midnight blues eyes I fell into
and engulfed in the beautiful galaxy
that was hidden behind Ray-Bans.
To blank stares that I've learned to trust
but they don't glisten like us.

Can I please,
fish through my purse once more,
aimlessly wander the street corner,
dig between cushions
and hear the click of the hours reloading
as I fill it with orphan coins
and rewind?

& Some how,
you have surprised me yet again.

I believe the meek words-
paper thin from your lying lips.
Those I should set aflame
with my burning tears.

You have taught me to only
trust myself.
I should know this by now.

Your daggers and swords
the ones that slowly **** me.
Are utilized to add scars-
next to the ones from years before.

One Bullet is all I need,
but I'm not wasting it on myself.
For the demons should die before angels.

My last name,
forever following me.
Until I find a man who will be,
so much more then
what you could ever be.

I need a night time ride with you
along the sinking ebony tree trunks
outlined in the moons smile,
escorted by the dark ripples
caped with the milky moonshine kisses.

Comforted by those reassuring words
sent from your lips, and the warmth
from intertwined fingers.
We were transparent,  blank canvases
painted by fingertip stardust.

Tell me,
that my tear glossed eyes;
some how visible to you,
through the crystal display;
are to be wiped away, erased,
for they are not needed.
You will be my everything.

With my heart tucked behind my ear
through the whispers from the rustling leaves
it cries, you have seen this before.

You have seen me break.
Ooze down your neck and
trickle down each vertebrae from the
unkind hands of others.
Be gentle to me.

For I have fallen for you, could it be that?
Could I be your wishing star you laid eyes on
in an infinitely jewel embedded sky?

One a.m the moonshine air is as warm and comforting,
as the shirt that holds your essence.
She wanders through the fingers of the anonymous city.
Arms wide open in her twilight embrace,
engulfed by her welcoming whispers to home.

The lights are so new the cities voices so loud,
your world is silent. I can't sleep alone,
for the haunting thought of your hands
being filled is always present.

Surrounded by a foreign sea with rocks
and shoals of question marks and pauses.
I can't float much longer. I plead for you
to pull me from these tides. But then
I would be hoping for the hopeless.

As I cross the railroad tracks, I hold my breath.
I don't want anymore bad days, that cause
these rusty wounds etched down my cheeks.

Helplessly gazing into the eyes of the the stars for clarity.
Content in silence, I should just float,
with no strings left for me to pull
as these city lights guide me home.

Blue mountains secure my skin.
Veins stretched with dismal flowers
sprouting, covering this internal land.
Anchored toes to the horizon waves,
which are now these sculpted silhouette peaks.
Blind in the darkness,
with nothing but your hand to guide mine
back home; to the ocean of your eyes.
Late night stars with us underneath, lay me to sleep.
Early morning warmth; from your body against mine.
My head nuzzled next to your kind skin,
arms wrapped around your back.
I fit perfectly on your left side,
you could be the missing piece,
as I listen to your soothing heartbeat.
Because of you,
Waking up with a smile is more addicting
then Starbucks coffee on my lips.
The sky is vacant with diamonds when I look up.
Shooting stars have fallen to the ground,
illuminating across the city skyline.
No longer underneath the same veil of moonlight.
Shivers infest my spine,
I want to surrender to your warmth and wake up with a smile.

Once your lips first dampen my skin,
You become the soaking rain, seeping in.
Your kisses pour over my face, drowning me in love.
Oh Rain, don't leave me.

You are the summer breeze through my shades,
tangled fiercely by the wind, warming me,
waking me, breathing me in.
Oh Summer Breeze, don't leave me.

You are the ocean melody in the dark of night,
with only stars to detract me from drowning
in the sea of your voice, my heart beat by your waves.
Oh Ocean Melody, don't leave me.

You are the last Marlboro Red
dragged into my lungs, no longer burning,
my blood clean once again.
Marlboro Red, I'm saying goodbye, it's time to quit.

Take your knife and cut it into me deeply,
watch me bleed,
hear me scream.
I'm hurting as much as you are,
I'm sorry I had to leave.
But I've moved on.
I like you too much.
Self taught years ago to expect nothing in return,
Best way to not hurt at the end of the day.
People don't really care,
especially boys,
Learned that from the man of my house.
Tell me you do.
Tell me how you want to go out,
then tell me how all these girls are really cute,
but trust me I don't care,
I don't get jealous.
I care about you the amount you care about me,
Which isn't much, take away my body and it's nothing.
I'm the mirror image.
I'm not sure how to send you the message,
words always are messy.
& I don't want to stab you anymore then I already have my eyes,
I have to be nice.
I shouldn't be the one,
But I could.
I want you to listen, to care about the words I have to share.
I sit here alone and I can't breath,
these walls are closing in on me.
You are going to ignore me now,
Which is expected and only proves how right my judgement is.
I want to feel the pain of my mind and heart,
across my arms,
or maybe on a long tortures run.
But then you text me and say you're coming over,
and I smile that half smile that you bring out.
*You've proven me wrong.

"My dear what's wrong?"
Blink, shake my head,
Back to reality.
"Nothing." I mutter.

"Baby, what's with the frown?"

Slap a smile on,
"Hi how are you? Table for two?"
They go to their table and I'm back on my cloud.
I'm zoning out.

"What are you thinking about?"

I smile at the ground.
How many red bulls would it take to burst my little red ticker?

"Oh," Eyes still on the ground, "I'm just zoning out."

How long can I not eat for until my body hits the ground and I pass out?

"For the deck it's a twenty minute wait."
Smile.

Oh if they only knew what I was thinking about.

How long can I scratch my arm until I can pull out all the bad thoughts from under my skin?

How many cigarets do I need before I suffocate?

"Caroline, seriously what's wrong?"

Smile, "Truly I'm fine."
I look you in the eye until you believe my painted smile.

You don't care, I could slit my throat and yes you would be upset that you didn't help.
Maybe you would have cared more if you were to see new scars.
Maybe you wouldn't say you like me then not texts me back for a whole day,
Maybe you shouldn't stay over anymore,
Maybe you should stop saying you want to figure me out,
I told you I'm a waste of time, you'll never see what lies behind these eyes.
Trust me I have so much to give,
And for you,
You get none.
Until you kiss me
and I'm suddenly hungry.

Let's play a game,
with these red and white bicycle cards.
With our hands intertwined,
let's create the frame for a home,
of hearts and good intentions.
All the faces where on the inside,
eyes open with nothing to hide.
Let's create this house for our paper bodies,
filled with our paper love,
created from the one look spark,
our glass hearts couldn't contain the heat, so
love destroyed us.
Pick through the ashes
only bones, a skeleton of what we were,
gray powder on the ground that covers the roses.
Nothing left but the look of death in her eyes.
They said she changed after that.
They said she stares at herself in the mirrors of glass.
They say it's because she doesn't just see herself.
He's the the dark blue lines that bleed into her pupils,
he's in her veins.
Deep blue water that flowed free is now frozen,
but when she is alone with the mirrors
she isn't cold anymore.