I'm sure I did it again
Don't ask me how.
I ask myself this,
and I come up with a list
That is twenty miles long,
Listing everything,
Yet blank,
Just as confused as I.

I don't quite know,
If it was my insanity or yours
That shoved us away.
Maybe a bit of both?
Maybe it was neither.
Maybe you got sick of me,
I know I'm quite annoying
And I have to many flaws.
How did you ever put up with me?!

Maybe it was you,
Maybe we're just too different now.
But it wasn't your fault,
You've done nothing wrong.
You never do.

You can come back,
Anytime.
There will always be a spot for you.
Because you were great.
Funny and silly,
And even when you weren't
I felt nice near you.
And I know you're having problems,
I know too well,
For I read it in your poems,
And it hurts.
I want to help,
But only if I'm wanted,
Because in all those poems,
About people you like and love,
People who you need around
None are about me.

Please come back,
The table will feel empty.
I will feel a little empty.
I miss you.

Dreams and ambition
Is lifes fuel,
And reaching it is just as dangerous,
As giving up.
This lonely, cracked shell,
With a person hidding inside,
Waiting for her ticket,
Waiting for her time,
To be able to reach out,
Safely,
And grab that brass ring,
Before its to late.
BUT thats not going to be a problem!
Because while others worry about gossip and drama,
IM waiting for my chance!
To stand up and shout:
LISTENN UP!
THIS IS HOW ITS GOING TO GO!
Thats MY name up there,
In the shiny lights,
And this is YOUR chance to shine!
I've achieved my goal,
When will you be ready to start climbing towards yours?

I’m constantly tottering on the wall of It’ll Get Better and Suicidal,  whispering to both

" How?”

How can anything get better, but how could I take my life and any chance that it will?

When I was in sixth grade a test asked me what I wanted to do after highschool, and I didn’t know how to answer because..

I didn’t even plan on living past highschool.

So I filled in the buubble beside other, and when my teacher took me outside the classroom to ask that godforsaken question Why?,

I fibbed and said college wasn’t for me, and that I wouldn’t need it for my dream job.

I didn’t mention that I couldn’t afford college, or my suicide plan, or the fact that I had no dreams.

Now, not long after, I’m intent on breaking myself until I shatter, desperate to feel anything after I died inside so long ago and left a scarred shell behind that walks and talks and laughs and smiles, but most of all hides and cries.

I’ve tried suffocating myself. I tried drowning myself. I dont cut simply because I can’t find a blade.

I have dreams but I’m constantly assured by EVERYONE I won’t be anything special I nod and change the topic because I know.

<p>I’m abused and home and I know I deserve it, every nasty truth they sneer before saying they love me and sending me away, every hit that lands hard enough to hurt but either smartly hidden or delivered in a way I won’t bruise.  I’m breaking,

With few things giving me happiness, and humans bringing me pain with nasty looks and cruel words that hurt so bad but I nod and agree.

My friends don’t even know how much it hurts me to hang around them, as my darkest demons whisper how much happier they would be without me.

But selfishly I cling to them.

I need help but I dont deserve it, and I’m so, so sorry to whoever read this that I bothered you.

But again tonight I'll whisper to both sides.
How can it get better?
How can it get worse?

Spining
Twirling,
Leaping,
Humming,
The grass wet under your feet.
Dancing until your toes are red,
And your legs ach,
And your tottering on your heels.
So you sit, your face gazing up in contentment,
At the shimmering stars,
And the glowing full moon,
And the large, endless universe.
A stretch,
A yawn,
A sigh,
And in you go,
Whispering
Goodnight.

Dorothy,
Who left me in tears,
Watching her walk away,
Was crying everystep of the way.

Dorothy of OZ,
Who walked down the old path with out looking back,
Walked alone.
Dorothy never asked for help,
Because she didn't want them to touch to tarnished bricks,
That used to be bright but now brings depression,
A curse to all who tread its endless path.

Dorothy,  won't you come back,
So I can walk with you?
I know Im not the greatest person,
Annoying and helpless,
But I would follow you anywhere.
You aren't alone.

Im
   quickly
           falling
                 off
                     my
                        broken
                          chipp­ed
                                  wall.
                      ­                  One                
                                             side
                                                 holds
                                                       the
                                                           same
                                                            ­    hell
                                                        ­             as
                                                              ­          before,
                                               ­                      The
                                                             ­  other
                                                          h­olds
                                                     great
                                       uncertainty.
                                      I
            ­               can't
                     decide          
                 where
                 I
               want
                     to
                         .
                       .
                     .
                        .
                          Fall.

Ignored once again by you,
And I know how you are,
Problems of your own, problems that are hard,
But it doesn't ease the sting,
Of the harsh words you unknowingly fling,
It doesn't numb the bite,
When you don't care enough to even fight!

Everyday you wander farther down the
Yellow brick road,
Tarnished and falling apart, but bright gold
Where your foot steps,
Down the road to bigger and better things,
The darkness in you slowly,
Easing up, getting better,
As my feet refuse to move,
And I'm swollowed in the night,
You don't glance back,
And I don't fight.

I'll have hell to pay
When I wake from this dream
I just want to stay
Here and never leave
With you here
Me in your arms
Sleep so near
Knowing im safe from harm
Your warmth surrounding me
As the movie fades to a close
The three little words that set me free
Whispered from your lips, so close
The happiness fills me to the brim
But then I fall of the rim
Of reality
And make believe.
And I'm back in the real world
Lips white, toes curled
You lay still in your bed
Of silk and wood
Slate white, toe to head
I would walk away if I could
As they close the coffin
And lower you into your grave
And I have the strongest urge to wave
Goodbye
Not going to cry and ask why
Because I'm the one who put you there
Six feet below
Dirt covering your eternal lair
I Know you know.
Because three little words
Whispered to you as you died
Those words you heard
And the falseness inside.
And to my first victim I say goodbye.

Maybe I'm done being
Just a nobody
Waiting for my voice to be heard
People to point and whisper
Its her.

I'm done being just a shadow
A face in the faceless crowd
Im gonna fly like a sparrow
And drown the chatter out.

People are going to freeze
When they hear me speak.
Or so thats the plan
But I'm the white crayon,
And there no more more black paper.

Im so done leading,
This useless life!
Can't make people smile,
Can't end the fights.

So watch me rise!
Watch me reach my peak!
Make a new mountain,
In only a week.

Never stop rising,
Stop being the best me.
At least thats the plan,
The brightest crayon.

Soft Hello's
Quiet so no one can hear,
Quick smiles and laughs,
Brief so no on can see.

Whispered Hello's,
Soft smiles,
Bursting giggles,
Warm bubbles,
The sweetest caress,
The shyest
I Love You,
That echo's around the place,
Under the road,
Where only we go.

Bright eyes,
When I grin,
And whisper back,
I Know.
Take your hand in mine
And continue counting the
Cars passing by.

Soft and whispered,
So no one can see or hear,
What is only ment,
For our eyes and our ears.

How are you?
bad.
Im fine.
How are you?
I'm  scared!
Im good, and you?
How are you today?*
I want to die. Please save me!*
I'm  great. How was your day?

I'm scared.
I can't  lose you.
We have plans, remember?

Oh glasses,
Dear glasses,
Why do you hate me so?

I wear you,
I clean you,
I keep you safe!
I buy you soft cloths,
And a pretty little case!

But when I read,
Write,
Draw,
Play,
On anything that projects light,
You become mirrors,
In which people can see,
Everything Im doing,
On my glowing electronics screen.