Lately
I've tried
To gain some clarity
In my life
I even stopped writing
But odd strings of sentences
Still haunt me
And sleepless nights
Seem to be filled with
Endless thoughts
Of nonsense
Even dreams are
Jumbled puzzles
Of misdirection
And I just smile madly through it all

I LET YOU WALK ALL OVER ME LIKE I WAS YOUR LITTLE DOORMAT AND I LET YOU PUSH ME AROUND AND PLAY WITH ME LIKE I WAS YOUR LITTLE TOY JUST SO YOU COULD FEEL THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF HAPPINESS BECAUSE I KNEW THAT WAS A FOREIGN CONCEPT TO YOU. I LET YOU TREAT ME IN WAYS YOU CLAIMED TO BE AGAINST; THE THINGS YOU SAID TO ME AND DID TO ME WERE OKAY WHEN THEY CAME FROM YOU BUT UNACCEPTABLE WHEN THEY CAME FROM MY END. YOU KNEW I WASN'T GOING ANYWHERE AND YOU HAD BEEN TAKING COMPLETE ADVANTAGE OF THAT KNOWING I WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU. I LET THE CIRCUMSTANCES YOU FELL UNDER BECOME THE EXCUSES FOR THE WAY YOU MADE ME FEEL; I EVEN MADE EXCUSES FOR MYSELF. I SLIPPED INTO A STATE WHERE MY INSTANT REFLEXES WERE SECOND THOUGHTS AND GUILT AND I BEGAN TO FEAR THE WAY YOU FELT ABOUT ME BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO BE THE REASON YOU ENDED UP HURT AND YOU'VE GOT ME INTO SITUATIONS I WANTED TO AVOID AND PLACES I DON'T WANT TO BE AND I'M NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO TELL YOU THIS AND IT'S TEARING ME APART.

t.m.

I would like to write but right now that's not going to happen.
I cannot grasp nearly enough words to describe how I feel.
sad, disappointed, confused, hurt, alone
Those are some, but only scratch the surface. So for now I will continue searching.
Not only for words, but for myself, and how to live without you.

Wires scrambled
Short circuited mind
Cortex confused
Am Crazy I

Newport packs, 4 lokos, and beer.
Loud music so we both can hear.
**** talking and goofy laughing.  
The best feel, we had ever been lacking.
I look at you and you look at me.
Next thing you know...
*** in the back seat.

"Can't let you go" by Fabulous
The way you made me feel. So tremendous  
I'm screaming from my throat
And moaning from my lung
You hold me down
And made it hurt til it stung

I scratch your back
You pull my hair
I bite my lip
You stare me down.
I ***, you ***
We both wake up..

What the **** had we just done?

                                          STUPID                              GIRL  
                 ­              YOU                  JUST       WENT              RIGHT
                          BACK           ­                  TO                                  HIM
                       STUCK                          ON                                ­     HIM.
                         WITH                                  NO                         ­    WAITING.
                               HE                         ONLY                              CALLED
                        ­       YOU                             JUST                      CAME
                                  ­    NOW                YOU                           WILL
                                    FORGET                 ALL                THE
                                          ­ POWER      YOU                HAD
                               ­                   WHEN     YOU     WERE
                                                            ­    **alone