Tonight I realized that
you weren't the one
who wrecked me,
ruined me,
or destroyed me.

It was me.

Because only I
have the power to
do that to myself.

                                        I destroyed myself
                                        by loving you.

Erasing me
and replacing me
are two entirely
different ideas.

One
has been proven very easy.

The other
cannot be done.

We stood in the parking lot with our heads up in the sky.
She showed me where the Big Dipper was. I was thrilled.
I showed her where the Little Dipper was. She was skeptical.
We found Orion's Belt together and argued over whether or not we were seeing the right things.
I could have spent all night with her under those stars.
Each constellation watching us.
People gazing.

But the pain of being stuck there on earth started to overwhelm.
I wanted desperately to take her up into space to become our own little string of stars.
Put us together in a nice spot and wait for other lovers down on earth to gaze upon us.


s.mndi

THE WAY YOU SMOKED YOUR CIGARETTES.
Burning your lungs,
inhaling your sadness.

THE WAY YOUR THOUGHTS ROT IN YOUR HEAD.
And how you still denied
yourself forgiveness.

THE WAY YOU HELD ME ON WINTER NIGHTS.
And how your heart
was still colder than me.

AND THE WAY I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH.
No matter how much
I tried to be.

Love like the sun
Loves the earth
Ever since they met
They dance every day

The sun makes the earth
Look on the brighter side
The earth gives the sun
A reason to wake up

Love like the earth
Loves the sun
Because the earth isn’t distracted
By the stars and the moon

It felt as though her body was an ocean, and despite her petite size, she held the power of a thousand men. Sometimes it would wash over your own body so peacefully, so daintily, you could never be sure if you had felt it at all. You could never be sure she had ever really been there at all. The only evidence that remained of her presence was the tingling feeling you always felt after she had left. Always. Besides that there was nothing, as a being so seemingly magical as herself would leave you in a daze, a daydream, wishing she might return, but you could never be sure of that, either. She left you feeling cleansed, renewed, like the world could never hurt you or taint you again. Almost as though each and every drop of water on the planet had submerged you, with no intention of letting you free. But did you even want to escape? Of course not.

Sometimes she was too much to handle, a tidal wave of fury and rage and angst, but mostly compassion. She felt empathy towards all the souls she encountered and would love every living creature with a heart so large I wasn’t sure it could fit inside her tiny ribcage. The force of the waves she threw upon you were too much to withstand, and she would send the breath from your lungs and leave stars in your eyes and a feeling of disorientation. You felt euphoric, a unique kind of high that no chemically encrypted drug could ever bring you close to. And you felt the comedown too. You felt it stronger than a drug induced comedown could ever force. You missed her with every aching bone in your body and your heart felt like it was a time bomb set to explode, triggered by her.

She would always take your breath away. She removed the air from your lungs and replaced it with her own. Your breaths, she fashioned into words. Words of love, and romance, and wisdom. Words of lust. The things she desired most but would never be attainable from other beings so simplistic in comparison. Nobody ever really asked why she did this, but nobody ever really wanted to. The curiosity sent you to madness at night, spending each and every darkened hour awake, with questions that felt as though they burnt holes in your brain. Nobody ever wanted to ask her. They were curious, yes. But the fear of becoming the moon to the sea and driving in the tidal waves outweighed the yearning for knowledge. This is rare within humankind, as the thirst for knowledge is unstoppable. Always wanting more.
More, more, more.
She had control over us, and we didn’t mind one bit.