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 Oct 2015 Brian Payamps
Kush
People love to live by rules and labels
No matter how hard they deny the fact
It is human nature to desire some semblance of order
It is human nature to require a code of morals
But what if I decide to reject these attempts of control?
What if I am not the type to be constrained by the whims of politicians
Some may then consider me an anarchist
Or simply just crazy
But my disgust at the rules that society places upon does not make me evil
In fact, I am a staunch believer in good
My issues lie in the fact that the corrupt are allowed to judge who is of upstanding character
When in fact, those hypocrites are the true faces of villainy
My ethics are not black and white
Just a nice shade of grey
The Silence

The bubbles
that hover above our heads,
bursting with words
that are scratching and tearing to get out,
create an eerie sense of foreboding.
Yet the words will not come.
They are trapped in a wrapper
of love that prevents us
from saying what we must,
And yet,
the wrappers are transparent.
We can see them and feel them
even though we dare not speak them,
but we choose to ignore them,
in case maybe
they will just float away.
 Oct 2015 Brian Payamps
Lili
I’m too sober for those dazzling eyes
                                                    Fangs on my bleeding neck
Piercing into my darkest places
I can feel everything
                                                    Is­ this pain or is this beauty?
From your eyelids clicking
                                                    Am I here or am I nothing?
To my heartbeat prancing
                                                    Will­ you medicate me again?
Temptation
                                               ­     Paralysis
Fear
                                             ­       Fear
I can see you inside out
                                                     Numb
                                                     Nothingness
Numb
My brain again
Your face in my lucid dreams
                                                    Touch me again, haunt me again.
Sometimes we forget
That it isn't easy
We all judge
But we forget

Disney movies
Tell us everything should be perfect
When you want it most
It will come to you
Real life tells us otherwise

I don't expect perfection
I know we are flawed
And that is where true beauty lies
In understanding
And not judging
(Grammar helps)

Everyone hurts
There's too much pain out there
No reason to give in
Keep it in perspective

****** days
Bad times
Lame lines
Hurtful signs

Noone can hurt you
As much as you can yourself

Just dig in and know
The roots are deeper than that
Being stubborn never was so stubborn
And that's okay

Take responsibility for yours
And give cheers for others
You are not alone
If is very selfish to think that

We are here with you.
Never (again) alone

Sometimes you have to work for it
Sometimes it's just about being yourself
Someone will want that
Even if someone before, didn't

Don't give up
Don't give in
Look up to the stars
Believe
In what the heavens hand
And give

You are a true friend
And I love you with all of my heart
Through these times while you're being tested
It's not worth giving up
Over what you've invested

Never
./.
In a cigarette smile, I'll lead you out
in light
Until
remnants of your sweet fabrications
twirl away

Don't remain unsatisfied, a world we could be inside
turned
grey
I mean i wrote this in a bathroom stall 9/29/15
LLL
Lust.
There we were, laid up in the sheets
I felt his energy in me
I swear I've never done this before
Usually I leave my heart at the door
Tonight I wanted to give you more
I mean.. I just wanna prove that I'm yours

Love.
There we were staring into each other's soul
We're young but this love feels old
Like it's not the first time we've been together
Maybe in a past life, a few storms we weathered

Loyalty.
There we were, fingers intertwined
Stay forever mine
L-o-v-e like wine
A-g-i-n-g in time
Something slight
Stop.. Why are you crying?

Because you told me I couldn't
Therefore I didn't

You taught me to loathe myself.
And now you come back like "hope all is well."

It's taking me time
Only time could tell

Well..

Everyday I'm learning how to keep it moving
Everything you said "no" to, I'm doing

I'm not afraid,
Anything I didn't do yesterday I'm doing today

I swear..

You altered me
But wonder where's my originality

I hate talking to you because you don't listen
You force me to become a beast within

This is why I can't let anybody in
This is why I repent my sins


Getting my daily bread but it feels like I'm giving in

I thought you loved me enough to send me out in this world
I was supposed to be your #1 girl

But you tricked me

Let me down and filled with insecurity
Let me drown and think I wasn't worthy

Stop.. Why am I crying?
*Because if I said I forgive you I'd be lying
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