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I have been defeated
by what I thought was true
but instead of feeling cheated
With playing by your rules

I can escape your same old game
and win one that is new
By living this just for me
Instead of all for you.
Love me like you did
The night we were in the city.
I'm sorry I won't stop talking,
You just looked so pretty.
We got lost on the highway
But we were fine.
Stuck in time
On the dark sandy beach.
I'm sorry I won't stop talking,
You just looked so cunning.
In the reflection of my memory.
I'm sure you're  sharing
All my secrets with him
Like you have been,
Because I was never enough.
I'm better now
Her eyes are deeper.
Hopefully she won't,
Tear out my heart
And leave it on the floor.
 Sep 2014 Brenna Martin
bucky
step 1: de·ni·al
noun
the action of declaring something to be untrue.
i thought about sending you an email today.
i got through four drafts before i quit.
i haven't talked to you in three months. i haven't deleted your messages in three months. i haven't stopped thinking about you in three months. my heart is still synced with yours. it stopped beating 131,487 minutes ago. please leave a message after the beep.

step 2: an·ger
noun
a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.
i'm glad you're gone. you were a house but you were never a home for me. i've moved three times since i left.
you shoved your fingers down my throat and left me retching in the snow, excuses tripping on their way out of your cherry bitten lips.
you made me your slaughterhouse, blood on my hands and heart.
i am made of too many things, a conglomeration the size of a galaxy, thirty people sewn into my skin. there is a hole in my chest the size of your fist. please leave a message after the beep.

step 3: bar·gain
verb
negotiate the terms and conditions of a transaction.
(maybe if i had loved you a little less you would have learned to love me back)

step 4: de·pres·sion
noun
severe despondency and dejection, typically felt over a period of time and accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy.
i spent more time thinking about you than i ever did about myself. i'm not sure if this is selfish or selfless and i'm not sure if i know the difference. i hung up on you once and you didn't speak to me for a week and i'm not sure if this is love or hatred and i'm not sure if i know the difference. i haven't spoken to you in seven months. please leave a message after the beep.

step 5: ac·cept·ance
noun
agreement with or belief in an idea, opinion, or explanation.**
you told me that acceptance was the same as tolerance.
i don't think i believe you.
i haven't spoken to you in twelve months.
please leave a message after the beep.
if i put your name in an anagram and showed it to you would you remember a thing
The girl sits with a razor kissing her wrists.
The boy sits in a corner enduring never ending kicks.

She says she'll be fine.
He says he just stepped out of line.

She doesn't understand that this is far from fine.
And He doesn't understand that this is not because he was out of line,

She believes she deserves this.
He believes they love him.

Neither of which are true.

Why would she deserve pain,
and why would he deserve the cold bottom of their shoes?
He didn't need to die to be a ghost
for years he walked these hallways, going unnoticed
he was like a blur to those who passed him
teachers couldn't remember him
No parents to speak of, one day they just never came back.

Average student, never pushing himself
never showing up on anybody's radar
going unnoticed, going unseen
no friends to speak of, no one knew he existed

He was surrounded by hundreds of people
but lived his life not seen
no one saw his tears
no one saw his art
he went unnoticed until the day he died.

Police found him
he couldn't take it anymore
ended it all
he spent his life unnoticed
but he was a brilliant artist
his art was seen
hanging up in some amazing galleries
everyone now knows his name.
 Sep 2014 Brenna Martin
Firefly
The ink crawled down my throat,
Mixing with the blood,
Without a boat.
They sneered at the dare,
Cruel friends,
Open-mouthed stare.
A fire kindled deep within,
They still laughed,
My eyes watered,feelling a sting.
Foam at my mouth,
Stupid urge to pout.
Distracting the feeling of fall,
Shouts all around.
Abhorrent playground.
No one continued to notice the frail,pale boy on the ground.
Ardor of death,
Feeling of dread,
Tasting someone's cold breath,
My soul,wispy,fragile threads.
Suddenly my eyes closed,
Devoid of feeling,
My end fate chosed.
                                   -**Firefly
 Sep 2014 Brenna Martin
Abigail
Her sleeve slips
Her scars show
People stare
People judge
Picks herself up
She’s been through worse
She is an artist
Her skin is the canvas
The blood is the paint
Her scars are her pain
The scars are memories of the words that hurt
Past reminders of a cruel world
She smiles
Picks up the blade
Tears still fall, but the smile is real
Blood flowing from her wrists
The pain is too great
Another angel falls from grace
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