destroy me, push me down, hurt me

kick me, kick me until i go numb

make me cry with your words, don't show mercy, lash at me

hit me straight on my face, hit again on the other cheek, hit so hard that my brains tremble

tell me how useless i am, tell me how stupid i am, tell me how much more insignificant i am

don't let me sleep, don't let me be, don't let me do anything

**** me slowly with your cruelty, torture the life out of me with your abuse

comment on everything i do and all my faults and get mad at me every time i do something wrong

always remind me of who i am and what my place is, but don't remember my identity, instead shred it into bits and throw it away, so that i will be nothing but your toy

make hearing my name only a reminder that i'll never hear it the same way again

make my name a symbol for a blind dog that is beaten even after it stops whimpering

don't warn me, punish me straightaway, do whatever you want to me without asking

tie me to the wall with chains and make me perform tricks like a dog

because i am your pet

i will *****
your love out

like sweet acid
it lies at the bottom of my stomach
and comes up
triggered by memories
by fleeting moments

the salty love of countless men
lying at the pit for ages
the taste of bitter tears
mixing into
a most cruel of cocktails

i will *****
my sins out

it would be so easy
if only i hated you

if only i despised the way you
hit me so hard

if only i was disgusted by
how you enjoy my pain

instead of craving your touch
and reaching out for that love
that i'll never find

instead of being happy
whenever you decide to
deem me worthy of being tortured

instead of forgiving
everything and anything

but that's why you're still here
cause you'll always be gold for me

you sit on the sofa
and watch tv
while i lie on the floor

and when the pain gives way
i move
on those limbs you wounded
i crawl
to your feet and look up to you

“hey, dog. come up here.”
i heave my body up
when i sit next to you
i think what i’m feeling
is definitely “happiness”