"Make a wish," he says,
"you get a wish on your birthday."

"Anything I want?" she asks...

"Anything," he promises,
          not realizing
          he's already made all her dreams
                    come true.

when "I miss you"
isn't enough?

Yesterday
She wanted him
She needed him
He liked her

Today
He wants her
He needs her
She likes him

Tomorrow
He wants her
He needs her
She wears a ring

Sometimes I look at you and wonder when
exactly, when
the beginning of your voice
started sounding like a scratched record

and at what point, exactly,
did your eyes change to being so dark
all of the time

I want to know at what point, then
had you learned to smile so factitiously
and **** in your gut
and pose at the right angle

I want to know, more than anything
when you started being so
miserable
all the time.

And the more I think about it,
about you,
existing,
the more terrified I feel.

And he didn't text.
He didn't call.
Didn't write 'Happy Birthday!'
On my Facebook wall.

So when I blow out my candles,
There's one wish I must do.
Not to be yours,
But to get over you.

Last year
you weren't here
for my birthday. I
understood, of course, even though
it hurt just a bit. When
we talked on the phone, you
told me when you returned, we
would do something together, and
I giggled, playing through my mind
the word you used, tasting
its heavy cream on tongue,
"decadent."

Last year
you returned
and you had forgotten
your promise. I understood,
of course, even though it hurt
more than just a bit. You were
busy, though time for criticism and
loud shouting matches and afterwards,
muffled sobbing into my pillow was always
made. In the back of my mind I
kept waiting for an acknowledgment,
maybe, if I was feeling optimistic,
even an apology. It never came. My hope, turned
decrepit.

This year
I look back
at what could have been,
and I understand, of course, but
memories of my blind faith in you hurt
the dying spark of optimism, the one
you haven't killed off, yet. Now,
I am the one who will not be here
for my birthday. You, wanting
only an excuse, will try and gift me with
your presence, commit actions
in my name, actions I do not want. Our love
lost, I do not ask if ever it existed, I know
the affirmative will only hurt me. We
are so shattered, we are far past
the point of being
Delicate.

Happy birthday,
by the way.
I just thought I’d write to you,
since I never really did

It’s been two years now
two complete rotations around the sun
since you died.
I probably think about you every week-
believe it or not,
you changed my whole outlook on life
But I’m sorry to say it didn’t happen until you left.
I think about you every time I leave the house in the morning
I think about how sudden it was
and how that happens every day to all kinds of people
even you.

I think about you every time I say goodbye to anyone
especially if the person I’m saluting is getting into a car
and when I say goodbye
I say it as heartfully as I can
and I hope that maybe they’ll realize that I’m saying
“I love you”
and “please, for the love of god, drive safely.

please.”

all in one word.
Because if I said it openly like that they’d all think I was totally mental.
I’m not mental.
I’m just a lover and a fighter
who lost something he didn’t even think he had the option of losing.

I think about you when I hug
anyone.
because you never know.
  and hugs are not ever worth half-assing.
                       ever.

  So maybe I lied.
and maybe I actually think about you multiple times a day every day of my life.
   not consciously i guess.
      but I can tell you for certain
that your absence is felt
          in one way or another
                      every
                             ­      day
                             of my life.

I wish I could have learned these lessons without losing you.
                        but you went all the same
                                         and here we all are.

             anyways happy birthday.
                          
                             Miss you.

The surprise
As the cake comes toward me.
The amazement
As I gaze at the number.
Sixteen. Sixteen candles.

The embarrassment
As people surround me and sing.
The disappointment
When I make the very same wish
That never comes true.

The wonder
As my mother stares at me
The sadness
As I know I feel
Without my father here.

You were my gift,
Soft, sweetness, little one,
Eyes of moon and ocean
Hills of creation, of shadow
And bread.  In your nakedness
I fled the earth and bathed
In starlight and dust at the end
Of the forever of the sky.  
In that silence,
Of exploding cosmos and vapour,
I fell, feeling in your smiles the suns
Decay, I felt light beyond
Its barrier, and was decimated
In the gravity of the neutron
Blue of floating eyes in separation.
Your faraway orbs were lost
To me in the frozen dark energy
Of shunted light and the cold 
vacuum of space.
It was my birthday
And you were set on leaving.
It was my birthday
When I nearly died.

My love,

I wanted to write to you.
I wanted to write some words.
A love letter. A letter to say I love you.
Some feelings I have that I would like to share.
To share with my one true love.

I know in the age of text and email and chat and the phone
the love letter is dead. But.......

You are the one. The one for me.
The one I have been waiting for my whole life.
Who I was
Who I am
Who I will be
Has always and will always include you.
You are etched onto me.
You are part of me.
We are one. We are together.

Once empty my soul and heart are full.
I now understand.
I thought I knew. I thought I knew what life was.
I thought love wasn't real. I thought it was a lie, a myth.
You showed me love.
You showed me by being you.
And seeing me.
By looking inside. By loving me.
By helping me love again.
By making me love you.

Thank you.
Thank you for picking me.
For choosing to spend your time with me.
For spending your love with me.

I cherish every minute with you.
I cant wait for forever with you. I just can't wait.
You are every sunrise and movie and laugh and tear ever shed.
You are the world.
You are every star in my universe.

You are my one true love.

-The Zone