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Bella-Lee Aug 2020
Driving on the road,
Free and unbounded.
Uprooting the seeds sowed,
Of dependency.
One thing that makes us,
Free.
Or can take all of our,
Freedom.
Bella-Lee Oct 2020
The air was howling out your name
It scared me.
Natures going insane
Becareful.
Cause if you're not you might
Fall down.
Fall down to your knees.
Its not just the wolves howling now.

Let me go
Like the wind lets go of the leaves.
Let me flow
Through and in the autumn breeze.
Let me go
I dont need you any more
Cause you didn't need me.

Let me go.

I wish you begged me to stay,
But you let me go.
Just like the ocean,
Does to its waves.
As they crash down on the shores.
Tumbling upside down just like my life.

I crashed down,
But you only saw the surface.
Drowning in a rip curl,
Just under the surf.

Let me go
Like the ocean does to the waves.
Let me flow
Round and round like the water to shores.
Let me go
I dont need you any more
Cause you waved goodbye on our love.

It didn't go out with the bang you thought.
You burnt me
Kept on the heat till the light died out
Passion and hope
Couldn't keep this thing from going now.

Let me go
The flames burnt down to ashes.
Let me cremate
I dont mind, everyone dies.
Let me go
My hearts gone cold
And your fire won't put it back

If all our elements
Together made something dangerous.
How could we keep going
When its inevitable
The end is here
Bella-Lee May 2020
My mother became violent,
My sister kept yelling.
I sat there feeling it,
Hoping I was dreaming.

I am the problem,
Am I not?
It's hard to impress them,
If all I do is never enough.
My little sister (14) and my mum seem to like to being me down lately. Is anything I do ever enough?
Bella-Lee Jan 2020
I love you,
Forever.
{3+1}

3 months seems like,
This forever.
{3 = forever}

But with eternity left,
I can't wait.
{Forever + 1}

<3
Aw ****, I'm all love struck... haha, hope everyone's holiday's have been well. Hope you guys are all doing well... Who and where ever you are :)
Bella-Lee Dec 2019
Mother always told me,
Don't be quick to love...
But now I'm falling,
Falling in love.
I can't get up now,
But I like falling... in love...
With you <3
Bella-Lee Feb 2020
And if you look,
Hard enough.
Poets never get famous,
Unless they die...
Or,
Commit suicide.
Bella-Lee Mar 2020
Pink and small,
Bald headed and all.
For nineteen year old parents,
the delicate squeeze and hug, filled their hearts…

Then she grew up,
And two years later there's another.
Maybe the next one would be better,
Better than the first screaming terror.
Nothing more that they wanted than a decent sleep,
But once she grew up it would be fine.

Life wasn’t hard for the kids,
Unaware of what was going on.

Now let’s skip forward a few years...

Opening the gates of hell it was,
Walking into nothing but screams and torture rooms.
Where two little girls,
Dreamt of a land of fairy tales and mystery.
Much of a hell school seemed,
It was made better.

Jumping lines chased by goblins and dragons,
Fairies handing lemon grass as they sat on the oval.
Evil witches walked through the complex.
Bucktoothed, ginger, freckled witches.

The fantasy began to fray,
As they grew up and moved away.
I still remember the fun we once had,
Before I moved and everything turned bad.
Bella-Lee Dec 2019
Fear of leaving you,
But I have to leave anyway.
Is like knowing we're going to die,
But choosing to live anyway.
I don't want to leave,
I never want to leave you.
But if I do leave you now,
I know there will be a time where I never do.
I know if I cry now,
I'll never have to cry when I'm with you.
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
I don't want to be here,
Can you see.
Can't hold back the tears,
It burns.
I'm torn apart again,
I'm broken.
My smile has faded,
It hurts.
To pretend another day,
I'm fineeeeeee.
Im just publishing from my secret stash of poems
Hope yo guys like
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
We use filters to cover up our faces,
I use them to cover up my tears.
After a long night of crying and trying,
Trying to battle again all of my fears.
My insecurities and anxiety,
The feeling that I will never be enough.
No one cares in this society,
About how you're life is really going.
You put on your smile again,
The only filter that you see showing.
When we aren't glued to our phones,
Trying to get attention from another.
When we aren't constantly up at night,
And our heads in pillows trying to smother
Our lives and the cries of help.
Trying to silence ourselves,
Hiding the blades on the top shelves
Cause we know that's were we can reach them.
I wish I was like that...
The one with the filter,
That covered her face for photos
For the next camera shutter.
The one with a filter,
On her mouth so I wouldn't talk out of line.
The one that can smile,
And not have to pretend that she's fine.
Not sure if it will get better,
Oh, I hope I didn't upset her.
Bella-Lee Dec 2019
Explosions of colour and light,
And I look into your eyes.
Those fireworks lit up inside me,
Just like the ones over the seas.
When the clock striked twelve,
You kissed my lips stroking my face.
Arms cradled me, hearing your heartbeat,
I finally knew then that you're my place.
Have a very happy New year/decade to everyone!! May 2020 bring all the joy and love you deserve!! I know I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with this man I have rn, his arms and soul are my home!
Bella-Lee Dec 2019
Don't think that if you drown,
You will float.
Cause your life will end as fast as,
The arrival of that life boat.
And just because you're on land again,
Doesn't mean you're alive.
Bella-Lee Nov 2019
1 + 1 = 2
But what if,
2 + 2 = 5
We are subject to belief,
That one way is the only...
2 + 2 = 4
But what if,
2 + 2 = 5
Bella-Lee Sep 2022
I was meant to be in-love with you,
But you made me more depressed.
Yes, its true,
You left me broken and bruised.
Traumatised by your abuse,
Trying not to think negative.
It's not hard to believe,
I wasn't ever in-love with you.
Bella-Lee Jan 2020
My genie the bottle or magic lamp,
Shall I request your service?
I have a wish or maybe two,
Could you do for me atleast that?

For my first I wish the world,
Was a paradise for all.
No war, no poverty, no killing, no death,
Nothing to cause pain at all.

My second is much closer to my heart,
To be with the one I love and never part.
Love him freely and openly,
Not anyone else.

Do as you please with my third wish,
Give it to someone else who needs it more.
Genie in my hand may I rub this lamp,
And set you free for my wishes?
What would you do with the third wish?
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
Let's go back to planning,
Planning our future.
Let's go back to video calling,
And be my favorite tutor.
Let's go back to smiling,
After every face we made.
Let's go back to flying,
Before the plans to be closer fade.
Let's go back to loving,
Even though I doubt you ever did.
Let's go back to trusting,
After every lie we've said.
Let's go back,
I just want you again.
Bella-Lee Mar 2022
And when he left,
He said he loved me and still loves me...
I wish he didnt.

But when she left,
She didnt even say goodbye or I love you...
And by the gods I wish she did.

I knew he might have left me,
I was ready.
But my sister never would have,
Well I thought she wouldnt have...
Bella-Lee Sep 2019
I'm the happy one,
Even when I'm sad.
When a friend looks glum,
I'll pick them up no matter.
Because I am the happy one,
That's it.
I can't be sad,
Because there is none to fix me.
And my friends just get mad,
Such friends they are to me.
Bella-Lee Nov 2019
My heart grows fonder of you
The more we are together
Even if we're apart
Bella-Lee Nov 2019
On your chest,
My head rests.
Hearing it beat,
Slow and steady.
Then you rest,
Your head on my chest.
Both our heat beats,
Rise and amplify.
And we lean in,
And they stop.
But when you kiss me,
We come back to life.
Our hearts beat,
Forever fast together.
Bella-Lee Oct 2019
And I know after every day,
You'll at least text me hey.
I'll write down all the things I wanted to say,
Not letting one word whither or fray.
Cause I know for now you'll stay,
And I'll be happy for today.
Bella-Lee Dec 2019
He knows my scars,
My battle wounds with myself.
He understands their story,
My broken body fixed by his self.
Bella-Lee Mar 2022
He takes my breath away from my lungs,
And fills my life with temporary happiness.
Then he leaves and fades out like all beautiful songs,
I go back to a feeling of hopelessness.
Hug
Bella-Lee Mar 2020
Hug
The closest I can get,
To a hug.
Is your jumper I wear,
Every night.
Bella-Lee May 2020
I have your love,
But I feel so blue.
Hugging a pillow in my arms,
Isn't the same as hugging you.
Bella-Lee Mar 2020
I don't want to be here,
Can you see?
I can't hold back the tears,
Burning down my face to rejoin the sea.

I'm torn apart again,
Don't you notice I'm broken?
My smile has faded,
It hurts to keep my eyes wide open.

To pretend another day,
I told you that I'm fine.
I don't want to be here,
Shouldn't that be enough of a sign?
Change your ways
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
I'd get you the moon,
I'd steal the stars,
I'd burn to take the sun's flames.
I want to see you soon,
I want no more scars,
I want to make sure this flame still burns.
But if it doesn't,
Don't use me.
I'm sick of being cheated,
I want someone to love me.
Me...
Not my body.
Bella-Lee Dec 2019
If God does exist,
Tell me why his hands and touch was nailed into my skin,
Like dirt trapped under a finger nail.
Where you'd scrub and scrub to wash it out,
But it just won't come out.
No no no no, stop stop stop stop,
No plea for a young girl would ever be heard let alone cause for any thing to stop.
If God exists,
Tell me why some times I relive this day over and over,
Wondering if he did this to other girls other than me?
Some times this was the main cause of my suffering and depression,
If anyone knew, I wouldn't be accepted.
So my words became violent knives I used but did not attack anyone with,
No I didn't attack anyone but myself.
Was this all I was worth? Some sexualized tool?
If younger boys could take advantage of me,
Who is to save me from the greater evil of the world?
If God does exist, tell me why he allows ****** assault.
Tell me why he allows for this monster to be engraved in my skin,
Where I can't love without feeling hurt or anxiety?
Cause sometimes I think...
What's the point in living?
#metoo
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
If you could hold my hand... I'd open your heart and head like a book, reading each word with soft consideration. If you could hold my hand, we could read each others wrists and arms; like a story that is carved in blood and tears. If you could hold my hand, Id never let it go. And we could sit under the snow in a glass house and fall asleep together.
Something I wrote in inspiration of a poem i just read called 'If you could read my mind' ----- Truly inspiring
Bella-Lee Mar 2020
Three words I never said,
Except you hear me say it in your head.

I hate you.

...But in reality I dont...
Bella-Lee Oct 2019
I heard you're back again:
The feelings again start to begin
The desire
To be something you admire.

I heard the whispers about me:
The standard set of me.
The hurt
Leaving my heart ashed and burnt.
Two feelings
Bella-Lee Dec 2019
I'm not afraid to lose you,
Cause I know our love is true.
Bella-Lee Sep 2019
I love how your hair cascades down from your head,
How the brown contrasts your pale skin.
I love how your eye are the window to my soul,
How it shows the pain and scars through its crevaces.
I love how your clothes hang off you like bags,
How you could wear anything else but you don't.
It's taken me years to start loving myself again,
Just a start but it's something.
I love how I'm not scared to say it anymore,
I love myself.
What do you guys love about yourselves??
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
I love you...
Three words said to often,
The meaning is nothing...
Three words that heart mend,
And break and bend...
I love you...
He never meant it,
Just send it...
I love you...
Three words to use the abused,
But they never end up as bruised...
Bella-Lee Jan 2020
When I say,
I love you... more.
I don't mean,
My love is greater than yours.
Although I can't say,
That it might not be true.

No when I say,
I love you more, to you.
I mean more than,
My hearts love can fathom.
More than anything,
I could ever desire.

And my love will span across,
The oceans, land and sky.
Yes! More than anyone,
Has ever love anyone before.

More than just flying to the moon,
But venturing the never ending cosmos for you.

Because I love you more,
More than anyone or anything I'll ever love.
Bella-Lee Oct 2019
Hi,
I'm back.
No silly haha
My names not back.
But to be completely honest,
Actually I'm not back.
I never left,
I was here every single day.
I sat behind my phone screen,
Waiting for you,
Typing...
To text back.
But you didn't,
I think I know why now.
So hi again,
Maybe now you can reply?
Bella-Lee Dec 2019
I'm fine,
Wind wisping wildly whipping my back,
Scarring only my wrists.
But I'm fine,
Wanting attention from mindless people.
I'm fine,
Storm clouds bruing above stricking,
Bolts of lightning down at me.
Yeah, I'm fine,
With my words becoming blades to slay me.
Darkness, depression,
Anxiety, expectation.
And yet, I'm fine.
19th August 2018
Bella-Lee Dec 2019
In all honesty,
I am sorry!
This is not just another,
Unapologetic apology.
I'm going to tell you this,
However,
I don't expect you to believe me.
In all honesty,
I love you!
No not just like a little puppy lover,
I hope you know that's true.
And as much as I try to cover,
This loves got me feeling so blue.
In all honesty,
I mess up... alot!
Bella-Lee Dec 2019
There is truth, lies and the in between,
Because somehow there is always some truth in the lies.
Somehow I feel there's lies behind the truth too though,
And yes I know it gives me too, those butterflies.
In between all those lies and truths,
Either way they hurt.
And each pile upon eachother like a Janga game,
Pulling out one by one avoid that feeling of anxiousness, the burning heat.
In between is the truth and lies themselves,
Without one there is never the other.
With one there is always the other like a toxic relationship,
The in between it's always been there and it'll always be here.
And if you read in between the lines,
You'll see it.
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
That's it,
There is nothing more to say.
I'm just going to leave,
Just like you did... The exact same way.

Oh wait...
That wasn't you!
Don't you just love love? :/
Bella-Lee Mar 2020
In my dreams I can see you with somebody else,
Holding hands like you ain't seen by no one else.
In my dreams I picture you with someone else,
Dreaming dreams we are yet to dream ourselves.
Oh In my dream when I can't fall asleep,
In my dreams in this terrible nightmare.
Bella-Lee Oct 2019
In my eyes you are perfect,
Even if no one else sees you beauty.
And you are 100% worth it,
No matter what.
Cause in my eyes,
You are the rays of sunshine.
There is no dulling your brightness,
Yes, in my eyes you are nothing less
Than perfect
Bella-Lee Jun 2020
We live in a racist world,
Where politicians want to see
Just
Black
And White.
We live in a racist world,
Where all people see right now
Is just
Black
And White.
We live in a racist world,
Where corona virus is "Asian virus"
There was
Black plague
Spanish flu
We live in a racist world,
Where everyone wants an answer
To be
Black
Or White
But in this racist world,
Just black or white won't do
Because
You're
Still
Oppressing
Those
Not
Just
Black
Or white.
In this racist world we need to remember,
WE ALL MATTER!
Not just those
Black
Or white!
Don't just fight for one... Fight for all! If black lives matter, then all lives matter too!
Bella-Lee Aug 2019
Do I get seen by this world around me,
Or am I invisible to every person.
Only for boys to examine my frail body,
Just like another fish within the ocean.
Am I invisible to everyone around me,
For every one around to flaunt.
My body is invisible for all to see,
And this world it will not haunt.
For you will only find the reminiscences,
Of my despair and destruction of my mind.
Something that is unknown to science,
But somewhere I hope I'm still here to find.
Sorry for another poem again... It is really my only release of emotional distress.
Bella-Lee Sep 2019
Even a blind man sits and says,
Ay I see
And the deaf man says,
Oh I was told by a little birdy.
For they understand more,
About the torment of life and love.
Yet the dead still live,
In the darkness of the light above.
Still dead in love,
And living in hate.
All the time in the world;
End it now?...
I think it's too late.
Everything's fine.
Bella-Lee Oct 2019
Even a blind man sits and says,
Ay I see
And the deaf man says,
Oh I was told by a little birdy.
For they understand more,
About the torment of life and love.
Yet the dead still live,
In the darkness of the light above.
Still dead in love,
And living in hate.
All the time in the world;
End it now?...
I think it's too late.
Such a material world,
But everything's fine.
I live in a thought,
Another world created by my mind.
Awake in a dream,
Where I'd die and wake up.
A social girl with social anxiety,
Her feelings, her head corrupts.
We dance with ghosts,
Of our past memories.
And sing to our children,
Their sweet melodies.
To teach the lesson,
And stop the cycle continuing.
Yet the same mistakes are made again,
Oh how the Irony is sinking in.
I added more to one of my most loved poems so :))
Bella-Lee Nov 2019
What is it?
My heart won't fit
Behind these walls
Built up of me
But less of me
Out it all falls.
Is it?
That I obmit
Things that I need
Like love and
like affection and
to my craves it feed
Is it?
The way love hit
held in your heart
now my hands
mine in your hands
Hope things don't fall apart.
Bella-Lee Mar 2020
It's,

L ike an
O verbearing parent,
V indicating themselves,
E ven though all they did was hurt.

Is this what love is?
An acrostic poem with a twist lol
Bella-Lee May 2020
I started a fire that I can't put out,
I thought I was smarter than that.

I should have been more aware,
Cause now I'm burning in the flames that surround me.

I've tried to keep my head up strong,
Even though I know that something's always going wrong.

Everything is cra-shhh-ing down around me,
Crashing down without a sound.

It's too late for me,
It's too late to save me now.

I'm falling, falling to the ground,
I'm falling falling down...
Bella-Lee Nov 2019
I want to feel whole,
In a world that's empty and hollow.
I want to feel at home,
In the loving arms of someone.
I want to write words,
In a world where nothing is already written.
I want to mean something,
Not just to the person I'm loving.
No...
I want to be something,
In a world were everyone is not no one.
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