torture is when you reach out to an empty space
waiting for someone to hold you and
stop you from falling over the edge
torture is when you know it’s gone
but you keep believing the prettiest lies
you could tell yourself
torture is when you keep choosing the same person
yet the person you chose had given up on you
torture is holding on to something so close
so far away
let it go.
i remember fearing the night
along with the tears that came with it.
slowly, i learned how to cope
with guilt and agony tagging along
i watch as the daylight shines,
igniting the light and faith in me.
i listen as the rain hits the roof,
realizing that i am losing myself in the calmness.
i lose hope as the candle that was giving me light,
now lost its spark, leaving me in the dark.
i search as i see you slowly fade away,
my heart longing to be in your arms.
i cling as our memories replay by itself,
remembering our laughter and smiles are gone.
i smile as i’ve always wanted a happy ending,
but now, i’ll settle for only an ending.
where are you?
we could be,
the light that never leaves a room dark.
the flowers that never wither under the sun.
the sun and stars that are always in the sky.
the success to every second chances.
the happy ending to every once upon a time.
but we couldn’t,
for you haven’t seen my efforts.
for you don’t appreciate it.
for you can’t accept what’s happening.
for you are blinded by our differences.
for we are too afraid of trying.
he reminds me of the color yellow,
he who brings warmth and happiness to every tomorrow
now, when i see color yellow, i remember you.
if you are going to fall in love with me,
you must know that i cry. a lot.
i cry during rainy days, sunny days, or on a monday morning.
i cry everytime i watch a happy movie and everytime i cut onions,
but do know that i cry harder every time i talk about the things that have hurt me, even if they don’t hurt anymore.
i need constant reassurance.
for i am afraid of being left behind, of being unloved.
i will probably tell you all the things i hate about myself
while you disagree with each one of them
but i still won’t believe every single word you’ll say.
i got used to shutting down the people who care about me.
it will be so hard for me to open up,
but all i’m asking you is to stay patient, and give me time to adjust.
you might think i’m rejecting your company,
but don’t blame yourself, i appreciate you.
so listen, if you are going to fall in love with me
understand that i’ve been through the worst
but still, i’ll love every inch of your skin unconditionally
a head’s up for my future lover