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Dec 2019 · 153
As much as I love you
Azuraine Dec 2019
As much as I love you
“As much as I love you” ..... as much as I’m still in love with you .... as much as I am still so attracted to you ....as much as my heart and body and soul may still crave you ... as much as my head and heart do flips thinking of us...........I can say goodbye and still love you.
As much as I love you .....I can stop speaking to you and still care for you . As much as I love you ........I can let you go and still wish and hope you the best . If I’m leaving  you alone it’s not because I’m angry or bitter . If I’m leaving  you alone it’s for my own well being . As much as I love you........I am  accepting I can still love you but I also need to be happy.......even without you . As much as I love you ........I have to accept still being in love with you you....... but not needing you for me to be happy . If I seem to be moving on it’s because I can’t force myself to stop loving you ,but I can tell myself that I deserve better than sadness , tears , sorrow and regret ...........As much as I love you  . ♾
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Dec 2019 · 160
A new place
Azuraine Dec 2019
A new place
Rationalization  and realization replaces overwhelming desire .
Need and want is smothered by words that cut thick oozing painful slits .
My once full heart bleeds into my stomach smothering  flutters of hope and love . Wrongs swim where eagerly revisited  moments lived .
This new place implodes
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Dec 2019 · 118
Cloud 9 upside down
Azuraine Dec 2019
Cloud 9 upside down
Walking up there , floating from emotion to emotion
Safe ... floating floating floating
Certain the belly butterflies are keeping me high
Swirling heart strings connect us like love puppets and the gods must be the puppeteers
Lightning strikes suddenly and kills our time
Everything safe shatters as the clouds squeeze us until what we covet is lost
The butterflies leave a hole of shooting pain
Cloud 9 is  now upside down.
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Feb 2019 · 832
More
Azuraine Feb 2019
More
Yes, you are my love . Your voice is the revelation that heals my heart and touches my soul. I survive on the magical letters of your words. I am gifted life’s air from the breath on your lips. I have become an addicted lover of the  madness of our love . I escape with you in the vast blue oceans in your eyes.I am consumed by the US of we . Yes, you are my love , and you are so much more.
#love #life #infinity #poem
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Apr 2018 · 338
Minutes
Azuraine Apr 2018
Minutes
You will heal in time they say
Minutes pass  
They pass into mass
I don’t want this time
Minutes take time
They steal space
I don’t want this time
Time heals all wounds they say
Minutes steal passion
They steal unity
I don’t want this time
Minutes are more painful than hours
More painful than days
More painful than weeks
Minutes are killing me
I don’t want this time
#healing #time #broken #breakups #seperation
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Apr 2018 · 323
I am small
Azuraine Apr 2018
I am small
Emotions like turbulent seas
I am standing before you
I am so small
My heart shatters like fragile glass
I hear your words
I am so small
Your words cut me like icy wind on my face
My feet fail to budge as if in cement casts
I am so small
My mouth opens but no words come out
I am silenced by fear
I am so small
A million little pieces I am rendered as you go away
I am so so small.
#loss #heartbreak #fear #alone #weak #me
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Feb 2018 · 1.7k
To the Moon and Back
Azuraine Feb 2018
To the Moon and Back
To the moon and back you professed. But…..
The Crescent moons edge drains me as it pierces my flesh.
To the moon and back you pledged. Only….
The new moon is heavy now, smothering, as it presses down on my chest.
To the moon and back you alleged. Except….
The full moons beam blinds me as it steals my fight .
Luminously I am led to my emotional death….
I love you to the moon and back, he said
#heartbreak #the #moon #death #loss #lies
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Feb 2018 · 668
Still love
Azuraine Feb 2018
Still love
I know the exact moments that you break through, and you are with me . I always love you for that.
I feel you totally at times and am overwhelmed in so many wonderful ways.I  really love you for that.
Pain wasn’t something you dealt . You were a love dealer ...I completely loved you for that .
I hate that you are gone still but I know you needed to go to be free .
I just don’t want to be free of you .
I still love you... even with that.
#death #suicide #overdose #heartbreak #loss #****** #love
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Feb 2018 · 262
The Whisper
Azuraine Feb 2018
The Whisper
Illusion folds into reality twisting reason and undermining wisdom.
You confused me just to wear me down. This love isn’t real I whisper.
Barriers crashing exposing raw emotion, brand new, but not ready for the light
You broke through just to watch me fall. This love isn’t real I whisper.
Words lashing through the air finding me, landing like a million razors exposing my treasure
You cut me open just to watch me bleed. This love isn’t real I whisper.
Darkness settled in the space where fire was sworn with murmurs of love and hope
You deceived me just feel the heat die. But you have always known…. This love isn’t real.
#lies #breakup #deception #heartbreak #loss
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Jan 2018 · 297
I am free.
Azuraine Jan 2018
I am free.
You came to me in a wave.
Emotion dances on the swirling tips , enticing me to drown  in your depths.
I am the sea .
I am swallowed, but I am free.

Take me as your waves retreat after crashing on the sand.
I have waited for you .
I am less without you .
I am the sea.
I am swallowed, but I am free.
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Apr 2016 · 350
One
Azuraine Apr 2016
One
Lingering words like blades cutting hot flesh.
Interlocking flesh, wills remain separated.
My mind searches frantically for  something to cling to.
Words , memories , touches .
No surrender .
I survive ,I am alone , I am scarred and I am one.
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Apr 2016 · 247
Searching Still
Azuraine Apr 2016
Searching Still
Eyes wide, searching. Searching for the familiar in your eyes. Looking for a reflection of our home. Waiting for you to look back at me.

Steps turn to miles in the search for my soul , my life, my familiar . Miles and many lives searching for you. Will our search end in this one soon?

My hole grows bigger as the years slip by and I feel it's vastness is beginning to fill with loss and defeat.

My memory of you drives me still. Your breath on my face drives me. Our secrets drive me. The lost space drives me.

Eyes wide...searching. Still.
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Jan 2016 · 343
Quiet
Azuraine Jan 2016
Quiet
Buzzing buzzing
Silence breaks apart by sections
Leaping into time cubes
Time changing is always present
One section to the next
Condensing speeds of time reconciled
Buzzing still
The buzzing did not hold you
You hid
I stay Buzzing and I search.
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Aug 2013 · 1.5k
Repeating
Azuraine Aug 2013
Repeating
Your expression about generality is not expression about me
I shouldn't have asked...its not about me.
I cant feel anything else in or for this life.
this life must be for someone else.

Else,your hands aren't holding my hands..they are just  holding.
your days are not about me they are just filled by me.
this life is for someone else.
your life is not about me.

Me, I have felt sadness for so long now
I hate this lonely life
I am a flower on the wall
this life is not about me
I am the wallflower

wallflower,I have blended in.
I can see i am not
this life must be for someone else
someone else can have this life...
my life.
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Apr 2013 · 502
Nothing
Azuraine Apr 2013
Nothing
Eruption
My veins ,a highway on fire
Molten blood racing through them
I am boiling over into nothingness
Hissing and seething I am longing to cry out,to scream
Isolation churning up to freedom
Erupting
Snapping embers igniting history
Scorching memories in the wake
I am boiling over into nothingness
Smothered by thick hot ash chocking the air
Once heat now impenetrable rock
                     Erupted
                  I am nothing
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Mar 2013 · 1.9k
crush
Azuraine Mar 2013
crush
Your lips on mine are similar to ice cold air piercing my flesh.
Your touch is equal to unfamiliar gravity weighing down, urging me to recoil.
Your words miss the mark swirling around me unheard, unwanted.
You are nothing to me now but crushing.
You are nobody.
I am crushed.
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Mar 2013 · 1.1k
Barren
Azuraine Mar 2013
Barren
Time remains negligent to desire and necessity, tumbling away, thieving choice.
Absence and plea linger in the vastness formerly home to love and anticipation.
Torment lurks, prowling, creeping, and waiting. Its talons prodding.  
Sickness twists and churns at the mess that has become my core.
Anguished reflections of life or revelation in this infertile void
Fraught inaudible cries like howling winds unable to spin out.
Amassed coveted control.  Now Impotent.  Wasted.
Futility absorbed by unventilated internal infernos.
Pleading for relief that is not to be.
I remain. Barren.
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Jan 2013 · 1.5k
Hitch Hiker
Azuraine Jan 2013
Hitch Hiker
It begins
Its blowing in from electric wind.
The smell.
Your  fingers , they taste.
The wind,It remembers.
Wrapped  in familiar by it .
Tucked  away the memories explode.
My heart , its exposed again.
It takes precious healed moments
time lifted on scented memories
blood rushing waves of stone
It surrounds me.
Its familiar.
Its  you ...Always, it is you.
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Dec 2012 · 673
My Breath
Azuraine Dec 2012
My Breath
What I remember is losing you
Like a limb removed I am less
Gutted fight for oxygen
How will I breathe?

Locked in the blue  pools above me.
Like waves I am  moving under .
Each  hot movement gasping for air.
How will I breathe?

Trailing fingers trace paths to the past.
Aged ink building over time.
Travels deplete precious breath.
How will I breathe?

Your breath is on my lips .
I hear you whisper.
Without you, how will I breathe?
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Dec 2012 · 419
In your skin
Azuraine Dec 2012
In your skin
I cant seem to get close enough to you
                     Comforting
I want to be in your  electric skin
                     Satisfaction
Pulsating life running through you
                           In
I want to feel around me , the way I feel around you
                         Your
   How can I get close enough to you
                         Skin
          I need to be your skin
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Dec 2012 · 494
Wasted
Azuraine Dec 2012
Wasted
My youth....wasted
You
Wasted me
Gone
My youth
Disaster
Days swindled
My youth wasted...gone....swindled by you...
What a disaster ...you wasted.
Me.
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Dec 2012 · 441
Rambling
Azuraine Dec 2012
Rambling
Some nights, like tonight, I lie awake. I am tired yet I can not sleep.
Thoughts of you fill my head and my heart is filled with a mix of joy and
pain. I am so glad we have found each other again, I want so bad to have you
beside me, to share our days. The good and the bad. I can see you now.
Asleep with Katie, your beautiful crazy hair splayed out over the pillow. I
want to be there, snuggled up next to you. I want to smell you. Touch you.
Kiss you. I miss you so much.
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Dec 2012 · 623
Ending...Our Space
Azuraine Dec 2012
Ending...Our Space
Our space thick with desolation.
Silence. Breathless. Torn.
Our Space deliberately ravished.
Frozen. Heavy. Raw.
Our Space emptied by deduction.
I cannot make our space.
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Dec 2012 · 478
I wish I knew
Azuraine Dec 2012
I wish I knew
I wish I knew, knew where you are.
I wish I knew, I wish I knew why
Your last moments were your own. Only you know. Only you knew why.
I wish I knew.
I wish I knew how to stop it from strengthening, I wish I knew it was rushing
I wish I knew, I wish I knew why
Those moments keep me raw, those moments, your last moments.  I am so raw. Only you knew why.
I wish I knew.
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Dec 2012 · 733
My life in the nutshell
Azuraine Dec 2012
My life in the nutshell
My life ……a slippery ***** comprised of the anxiety over all tomorrows.
My life…..voices climbing to be on top in packed rooms.
My life…..words carving deeper ….and deeper still….. into unhealing wounds.
My life…..reruns of whys after repeats of why not’s.
My life…..an immense unknown nothing surround by odds and ends of everything.
My life…..consistent unraveling progression
My life……indefinite realities
My Life….In…..the….nutshell…………………………………………………
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Dec 2012 · 2.2k
I am on your Team
Azuraine Dec 2012
I am on your Team
I want to start by telling you that I am on your team…I am on the same side as you…I hold the pom poms that are cheering for you and your life. You are a beautiful person and you matter to me. You matter to many people. What affects you affects me. There is nothing about you that would make me not want to be friends with you. We all have things in our past and present that we are not the most proud of and likely things that we loathe about ourselves. You are no different in that aspect as millions of other people. You are different to me in other ways though…. You are breath for me…you help create a space I can be myself in…you create a space that other people want to be in…you are good and kind and wonderful…you think about others and live your life for what is good and right…you have conviction and dignity and honor and love a faith and loyalty like I have never seen in another human being……. You are chivalrous…..
              There is no way I can understand everything that is going on with you or why things are the way they are but I do know that your life is precious and gifted and important…I do know I want you to live it. I do know that I want you to do whatever you can to be happy and healthy. I do know I love every fiber of you… I am here if you need a friend…..I support you in all that you do on this path to getting healthy…with pom poms of course…
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Dec 2012 · 1.6k
You are lost
Azuraine Dec 2012
You are lost
I think about you and I know you are lost. . ...I can feel you . .feel you all around me. . .I close my eyes and I can feel your breath on my face as your lips make what I sense is a pass over mine. . I open my eyes and though the tears I can almost see you. . .see your eyes . . ..  looking into mine . . it happens too fast to know but I think I can see. . .. . . see right through you. . ...

I think about you and I know you are lost. . ... you are lost to the
wonderful things in this life. . .you are lost to the breaths that are
for you. . .you are lost to the emotions that surround you. . .you are lost to the
confliction that is about you .

I think about you and I know you are lost. . .lost to me. . .. . . but
what is worse. . .you are lost to you. ..I think about you and I know I love you. . .. . ... but when I  think about you.... I know you are lost. . ...
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