Dig at me
With your knives and your spades,
You will not unburden my heart.
You can not find what no longer remains,
Or what was never there from the start.

Plead with me, your insincerity,
For thy glazed eyes will not ever see clearly.
I am full, of this emptiness.
I am the unhealthy and disgusting piggybacking on bitterness.

Holding every deadly sin in the palms of my hands,
And rolling the dice instead of making demands.

Hell does summon my fire within.
True wrath, is my only kin

Sometimes I forget
That I can say stupid things
Yolo Swag Yolo

some days i wonder
why you still
remain;
other days
i find comfort
in your
lingering

like a patch of
snow
in the dead
of July -

i dont know
what the ****
youre still
doing here,
but i know
that i am
comforted
by the oncoming
promise of the
cold

the worst feeling is the one when writing is the only release you've got but you've got writers block and you can't conjure the words that explain the emptiness behind your thoughts
the word indescribable cancels itself out and you're left wondering if writing on cave walls sharpens or disintegrates the rock.
I wish I could find the words to tell you that I can't sleep at night, not even under your sheets and Christmas lights, and I'm not sure why. I wish I could find the words to tell you that I never have energy or motivation or an appetite.
I wish I could find the words to tell you that I miss your passion and affection and the inspiration you used to spark inside of me. And even more so the words to tell you that I think you misplaced those things, like your wallet and dollar bills and lighters.
I'm searching under couch cushions for cheek kisses and creative lyrics about the sparks I lit inside of you.
Maybe you didn't lose them though. Maybe I lost the fire.
Maybe I'm the small fireworks at ten pm and you're midnight on New Years Eve.
Maybe you need a bigger flame.
I want you to have that.
I want to be that, but the only words I can think of to tell you are that I've found damp coals in my soul and I don't know how to replace them with new ones.
I wish I had words.
These words are hollow.
Which makes sense because that's all I've felt lately.
I hope you continue to love me when I'm nothing but hollow eyes and dark circles and collar bones.
I hope I can continue to love you in the right way with this skeleton but I feel weaker knees failing me already.
Show me how to float like you do.
Show me how to fly and light on fire.
Let me be midnight with you.
I need to be midnight or I won't make it until then.

That last sentence has so much meaning behind it and I wish I could find the words to explain the symbolism or intensity of it.
I wish I could find words so I could stop with the repetition but I'm just repeating myself.

Lay down by midnight.
Take my phone off of "silent";
Just in case he calls.