How many times does the average person fall in love?
Hmm maybe 10?
Or is it just once?
I've strongly felt desire.
And I've strongly felt lust.
But only now am I coming to terms with the fact that I have no idea what I feel when I think of you.
They tell me I must be crazy..
But this heartache is stronger than any other.
It's got to be love.
It just has to be.

for the first time
since i was 11
i look in the mirror
and i actually like whats staring back at me

i don't know why it took so long to regain
the feeling of self love
and being content with less makeup
or none
in the mirror

i wish i know what could have happened
when i started looking at my little 11 year old body
and thought i was overweight

Oh my god i'm 75 pounds?! i remember thinking

I could blame my mom
or the boys who paraded naked pictures of me
criticizing my changing body in its early stages

i was made fun of for having supple *******
the first girl in my 4th grade class to wear a padded bra

i hated it
every second of my changing body

i started to get curves
and was known for having a "big ****"

and this "best friend" of mine told me she was glad she didn't have one

a boyfriend shot me down
"you can't leave me because no one will want you"

mother and step dad made fat jokes when i was 14
because i'm not obsessive compulsive with my diet

now i look in the mirror and i'm so happy
i love every curve from my arms to my ankles

and my dark brown eyes stare deep into you don't they?
grandma wasn't kidding when she said people would pay
THOUSANDS!! for these lips
and this square jawline has it's perks

i used to get paranoid when people stared at me
until i caught someone
and they told me i was beautiful

I watch as the people I once knew
Become the people I don't know anymore
I miss them a so much
Growing up is amazing and depressing
That girl who was always happy is now sad
That girl who was so innocent is now ruined
That girl who was cracking jokes fell silent

That leads me to wonder. Did I change too?
Do others notice a small silent change in me?

the word grief is reminiscent of gross, open mouthed sobbing
of mucus swirling down your face, into your mouth
of the angry red of bloodshot eyes
and the drowning blue of sadness that stays

I want to buy a ***, a cute little flower ***
And paint it with beautiful blues and violets,
Cover it with deep reds and soft yellows.
Place a cactus in the loose soil careful of
The roots, and then, I'll name it after you;
Because you're a ******* *****.